Back on the balance board again

By Mir
February 17, 2009

So, um, I was doing really well with my whole Wii Fit exercise regime right up until I got sick. And then I didn’t work out for a couple of weeks, because first I wasn’t well enough and then I just didn’t want to overtax myself while I was recovering. And then I wasn’t working out because I’d just been sick for two weeks and I was verrrrry far behind on work and needed all of my time to catch up.

And then I wasn’t working out because I was out of the habit and also I prefer being lazy and y’know, I’m pretty sure that Mercury was in retrograde and also that my magic 8 ball said ALL SIGNS POINT TO SLOTH.

(There is something wrong with my magic 8 ball, I’m aware.)

Anyway, somehow it had been… ummmm… maybe a month since I’d allowed the Wii Fit to mock me. But at least I was eating really well, in the meantime.

And by “eating really well” I of course mean “stuffing food in my mouth like there’s no tomorrow.”

You know, I hear that some people really just cannot function without their daily exercise fix, and I really admire those people even though I strongly suspect that they smoke copious amounts of crack. That’s just not how I work. At all. Pretty much when I catch sight of my cellulite in the mirror, it makes me want to go lay down and watch some trash television until I forget about it. (What?)

Anyway. I exercised yesterday.

If I could change ONE thing about Wii Fit, it would be how it makes you CHOOSE A REASON for your weight gain when it determines that you’ve gained weight. (1.8 pounds; approximately 1.75 pounds of that is cookies, in case you’re wondering.) Is it not enough that I’ve clearly fallen off the wagon? Do I have to tell you WHY? Do I have to pick a single reason, when the answer is truly ALL OF THE ABOVE, I SUCK, I DON’T DESERVE TO LIVE? Yes, Mr. Animated Smarmy Balance Board, I gained weight. Possibly because I ate too much AND didn’t exercise AND because I’m not worthy. Thanks for pointing that out. Also, I really love how you’re SCOLDING ME right after you graphed my weight and my little Mii did a victory fist-pump at discovering that my BMI is still well within the normal range for my height. Which is it? Should I go drown myself in the bathtub because I gained 1.8 pounds or are you going to shut the hell up because I’m still a perfectly healthy weight? HMMMMM?

[Digression: The last time I wrote about this, some random commenter gave me a lecture about obesity being no laughing matter. I totally agree. When you’re a size four with junk in the trunk, however, I beg to differ. Cottage cheese thighs are a tragedy no matter your dress size, people.]

I’ll tell you a secret: The real reason I’m exercising again this week is because I have an appointment with a new doctor in a few days, and when she asks if I exercise regularly I want to be able to say “of course” and to technically not be lying. I mean, she’s going to LOOK at me and know I’m full of it, but I enjoy the charade.

[Another digression: I made an appointment with the new doctor—finally, as I’ve hated my current doctor from day 1—and then called my insurance to switch to her. They insisted that the change would take a month to go into effect, which was going to be problematic as my appointment was in just a couple of weeks from the call. Then the rep told me that they do a “once in a policy lifetime” instant switch, but that I’d already exercised that option. Some back-and-forth finally revealed that yes, they had AUTOMATICALLY assigned a doctor to me and the kids when Otto added us to his policy, and that doctor didn’t actually, you know, TREAT CHILDREN, and the kids needed to be seen and their immunizations verified before they could start school, so I’d switched us all to a family doctor and apparently used up my ONE get-out-of-stupidity-free card. To rectify a mistake that THEY made. After I pointed all of that out, the rep went ahead and switched me, but made it clear that this was the VERY LAST TIME. So, um, I guess I hope I really like the new doctor.]

I have no idea where I was going with this. (Exercise! Bad for the brain!)

Oh, right.

Where I was going was here: After a month of not exercising at all, I broke my Super Hula Hoop record and apparently found myself enough rhythm to suddenly rank as a “Calorie Torcher” in Advanced Step. But I’m still utterly incapable of keeping my Mii from crying at the end of the ski slalom, because I have no balance whatsoever.

Well, I probably had some balance, once. But then I ate it by accident.


  1. Heather

    I really want to Wii Fit! I need to start saving my pennies!

  2. beachgal

    My Wii Fit tells me I’m overweight every single morning. And every single morning I flip it off. My ‘overweight’ equates to about TWO POUNDS over the ‘healthy’ weight category. Whatever!

    I missed a few days and last night was my first time back on it, and I also made a new Hula Hoop Record and blazed through calories in advanced step. Woo!!! I’ve taken to zipping down the ski slope as fast as possible whether I’m missing gates or not. And I still take multiple pandas to the head in soccer. But damn I’m having fun while exercising.

  3. smarty

    I love my wii fit. Even tho I’m on day 39 and have gained 1.4 lbs. My goal is to lose 10 lbs in 3 months. (I know)
    But now it’s 11.4 lbs. I’m overweight every single morning too. My 11-year old sons loves to remind me all day long.
    P.S. Actually I wear size 6 with some junk as well but am kinda short and am pretty happy when I look in the mirror. I look at it this way, moving is better than not moving and I read exercise can help prevent alzheimers.

  4. Lylah

    If I had a Wii Fit, it would laugh at me from the moment I turned it on. Which would leave me no choice but to have another cookie.

    It’s a vicious cycle…

  5. BethRD

    I’ve been wanting to get a Wii Fit, but you guys are making me a little afraid. I’m *way* overweight, and if the thing is going to mock me every single time I get on it (yes, I was obese yesterday, and – surprise! – I’m still obese today!) I may not be able to tolerate it. It’s kind of an expensive toy to fling through a window.

  6. The Other Leanne

    You and me both. I was so excited when I actually was able to purchase a Wii Fit until it started whittling away at my self-esteem. I figured out how to do the slalom ski, but the yoga, yes yoga, screws me up.
    What I really hate? “Your balance is off; do you frequently bump into things?” Shut. up.

  7. Crinklish

    My Wii Fit tells me I’m obese every time I get on it (yes, I peg the little meter, thankyouverymuch), but its cute little voice seems to make the shaming go down easier. The part that bugs me is that it asks after my husband, who used it exactly once–it says, “I haven’t seen [hubby] in a while. How does he look?” and then makes me choose between “weighs more” “weighs less” “more toned” “about the same.” I’ve been picking “about the same,” but Wii then accuses me of not paying enough attention to him! Look, buddy, you can call me fat, but step off my marriage!

  8. Megan

    Hmmm… I has no sexy Wii fit. Instead I faithfully run the stairs at work every morning (six flights! More than once… no, not telling how many times more) and then go for a nice brisk walk. Which is a) impossible to miss out on doing without guilt as I am ALREADY AT WORK and b) totally free. However I admit that the stairway is a leetle like one of those dystopia type end-of-the-world sets you see in all the really artsy depressing films. Also, carved into the railing at the very tippy top is a large “HELP.” So, healthy exercise combined with apocalyptic visions of doom. It’s all good.

  9. Kim

    Seems like a WCS marketing opportunity. You would have lots of buyers for a balance board that informed everyone, every day, how very, very pretty they are!

  10. dad

    You could always seek advice from my idols Hanz and Franz. Listen to them now. Understand them later!

  11. jennielynn

    Yeah, I really love getting on and hearing “oooo, that’s obese.” Bite me, Wii.

  12. Karen (from Our Deer Baby)

    I feel your pain.

    I have been ignoring my wii fit for six weeks now, and I am sure i could come up with Many Good Reasons why!


  13. Jamie AZ

    I got the Wii Fit plugged in this weekend – now just need to get on it. I too wish I enjoyed exercise, but I just don’t. I want to love running, but I just can’t see it happening. Ever. Can I join you on the couch for cookies? I’ll bring cocktails! :)

  14. keyomi

    i totally agree with the Cottage cheese thighs being a tragedy !! and i love wii fit. i have it but havent used it. i wonder if i will love it after i use it! cant wait to hear more on how u like the new doc!! :)

  15. Jen

    What kills me is the little surprised “Oh!” every single time you step on the board. As if it didn’t just tell you to step on the board.

    Anyway – my hubby figured out that the trick to the slalom is to put your feet together in the center of the board so that just the outside edges of your feet are on the grippy part. That makes it easier for a while – then once you get the hang of it, you can gradually move your feet back out to where they are really supposed to be.

  16. Karen

    You crack me up!! You know you can’t cram for a doctor’s appt. like you can a test. I’ve tried lots of times. It has never worked out.

  17. Burgh Baby

    If it’s been a month since you last were tortured by Wii, then it’s been ANOTHER month since I have been procrastinating making use of our Wii for the first time. I keep telling myself I don’t have all that time for the initial set-up. I’m too busy eating cookies, you know.

  18. emilie

    I love the games & the exercises that are part of Wii Fit, but I HATE the guilt! I can kill my own self-esteem, thankyouverymuch & I don’t need a virtual Mii hanging her head & crying. Because THAT makes me want to step on the board MORE OFTEN. If only there was a setting in the options to make the little board STFU & let me hula hoop.

  19. Jenni

    I want a Wii fit. I have to lose 15 lbs by June in order to fit into my before I was pregnant swim suit for vacation. Really, with a newborn, I think Wii Fit is probably about all the exercise I will have time for. And it is cheaper than a gym membership…and it’s 40 degrees outside.

  20. Kemi

    Jennielynn– I know exactly what you mean. What’s even better is that obnoxious “Buh buh duh-duh-duh buh” song that plays before the little voice tells you “Wow! That’s obese!” It’s sort of like an elephant tap-dancing on the balance board.

    I love my Wii Fit, though… it’s a lot more fun than running stairs or parking my behind on the couch.

  21. Lucinda

    I feel exactly the same way you do about exercise. Plus, I just get bored….I find something that works for a while until I’m so bored I can’t imagine doing it one. more. time. The Wii fit sounds fun if for no other reason then yet another way to mock myself. What does it do though when you gain weight due to increased muscle mass? Does it believe you? Not that I would have that problem or anything. Because that would imply that I was actually exercising regularly.

  22. Barbara

    You might be sore when you meet the doc the first time. Might blow your cover, Mir.

    From above: “moving is better than not moving and I read exercise can help prevent alzheimers” True.

    Writing has also been shown to be associated with reduced rates of dementia. (They studied the brains of deceased nuns.)

    Anyhow, I’m hoping my daily, non-keyboard-destructing comments filling the box here will offset early dementia for me, too. Thank you, Mir!

  23. Michelle

    Dude, I ROCK the aerobics stuff. I just don’t fare as well on the strength training or balance games. (Me and yoga are still discussing our relationship.)

  24. Mama Bear

    I can not do the ski slalom, but I rock the ski jump. I can not do the soccer balls at the head thing either, but the advanced tight rope is my forte. Go figure.
    To the commenter that said they can’t go outside to exercise because it’s 40 degrees, lets trade locations. We’ll be below zero tonight, at 40 degrees I put on my spring coat.

  25. Wendy 2

    I totally love my Wii Fit, but I have to agree, the “Ooo, that’s obese” get’s really annoying. Like I didn’t know that already. I love the step aerobics, but my favorite is by far the boxing.

  26. MomCat

    I haven’t yet plugged in my Wii fit, and now I think I’ll just exercise vicariously through you, Mir. Don’t need a scolding from some machine.

  27. Heather

    The wii fit really says some of these things?! I don’t think I want one anymore! Goodness sakes. There really should be an option to turn that off, and hey, if you’re there, you’re trying!! And probably don’t need an “Ooo, that’s obese” rubbed in your face! Geez!

  28. Procrastamom

    I look forward to the day that my Wii doesn’t utter that soft little “Oh!” when I first step on the balance board to be weighed (kind of like “Oh! You’re big fat ass is hurting me!!”). Or does it do that to the normal range people too?

  29. Kat

    I currently weigh 105 (short, not anorexic) and it still says ”oh!” when I step on the board.
    I usually use it after the babes are asleep and it mocks me for being up so late.

  30. Katie in MA

    Ha ha ha! Keep exercising! EasilyDistractedMir is incredibly funny!

  31. The Mother

    Tell your snarky commentor that it’s about time we started laughing. The crying isn’t doing anybody any good.

  32. BethR

    What if you lied to your Wii about how tall you are? Would that make some of the snotty comments go away?

    “Why yes, I do weigh 158lbs, but I’m 5’10” Honest!”

  33. Michele Bardsley

    The only thing I do to qualify as “exercise” is play the drums on Guitar Hero World Tour. Once you start getting up on Hard and Expert, you really sweat. And your biceps get toned. Of course, there’s only one kick pedal, so one thigh is like the Hulk’s and the other’s still cottage cheese. One of my friends lost seven pounds playing GHWT drums. C’mon! You get to hit stuff with sticks! And listen to Jessie’s Girl! Way more fun.

  34. Emily in IL

    Wow, your insurance company is jacked up.

    I am so glad I don’t have wii fit… I don’t need any more mocking in my life.

    I did just do one of the free Video on Demand workouts off of ‘Fit Tv’, Jillian Michael (?) 30 day shred. I am SO FREAKIN out of shape I could barely make it through the second set of cardio exercises (and yes, that is only about 5 minutes into the routine…)! Hopefully tomorrow will be a little better.

  35. Sarahtoo

    Ooh, I so want a Wii Fit. Or I did, before I knew that it would mock me. And it would, you know it would. I’ll have to think a bit more about this.

    Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I love your blog! I rarely comment (too shy to bear being mostly a “me, too!” commenter), but I read. I hope I can be as good a mom as you are when my kids are older. And as thin. :)

  36. Asianmommy

    Hee! I fail miserably at all of the balance games. I’ve never even made it across the tightrope once. I think there’s something wrong with my balance board…or maybe it’s just that I have no balance! :)

  37. Jodi

    I love the Wii Fit…I’m on my 22nd day in a row and still not bored. I’m a little bored of hearing I’m obese every day. I just love my husband’s mii…it is the cutest thing.

  38. Ruth

    I love my Wii fit, but it is WAY TOO JUDGEMENTAL and competitive. I really wish you could adjust the settings a bit.

  39. mama speak

    I don’t have a Wii fit (we do have a Wii, but no fit yet,) but my brother does, so of course I had to try it out. It promptly informed me that I stand more on one leg then the other. Then it asked me if I fall down a lot. Well yes, but…Humph! Now you know why we don’t have a Wii fit yet.

  40. Zandor

    I have a wii fit at home, but right now im at college so i haven’t used it for a while. The last few times my stepdad and mom have used it it has asked where I was. I like it so I will probably use it more once it’s summer.

  41. just beaux

    Eventually I would like to try this wii fit thing (Doctors suggestion). I know the kids have a wii, but I don’t know about the fit. The way I see it though is, if I can’t even get off the couch to walk 5 feet to hop on the bike in my family room, I’m probably never going to make the 20 feet into the living room. I’m just saying… And after reading all these comments, I don’t know how I would feel about all the negative scolding from a game. I mean, if I’m going to be getting on this board all the time do I really need to hear it telling me, “OUCH!”
    I’m with BethRD. “It’s kind of an expensive toy to fling through a window”.

  42. Kate

    Aww, yes, the Wii and WiiFit – February lst, I started
    with the Wii – I didn’t do the body test until just yesterday and after eating healthy – keeping to my hula hooping and the advanced step – trying hard to keep my
    balance but not making it, I am happy to report that I have lost almost l5 lbs. (my goal was 20) There were days when
    I totally wanted to skip it – (of course) so I started out playing tennis and I increased from 3 mins. to l0 mins.
    so I’m happy. Do it, get happy . :) I would change the sound of the Mii in the background who grunts half the time you start – maybe it’s not so much a grunt, but I’ve heard
    one Hello, the rest seem to scream out ‘oh, how are you fitting on this balance board’.

    I understand being ill and not wanting to exercise, totally,
    but after an accident that I mentioned in my first comment,
    I REALLY let the lbs. pile on. So, I’m motivated. And
    the Mii I hope that grunts will soon laugh with glee, hehe.

    I really appreciate not going to the gym though – and I have
    been known to exercise at 2 a.m. (not good)

    Oh, and the biggie, I was boxing and didn’t realize it,
    got too close to the t.v. and you got it – punched a hole
    through my family’s big screen t.v. Yes yes I did.
    And for some reason, after the initial shock of ‘what was
    I doing that close to the t.v.’ I laughed and still laugh.

    Shame no one is laughing with me. I got that Mii with an
    uppercut :)

    Keep at it :)


  43. Kate

    Yikes sorry about the long comment, I just read the other
    commenters. (The Other Leanne) – Mine asked me if I trip when I walk . Is there actually another one worse than that ? haha.

    I had so many people that tried it once to do the body test
    and I’ve been told it’s Guest D’s birthday today actually.

    I haven’t found a way to delete the Miis and I’m at my
    maxiumum of 8 – and I’m the only one who has followed
    through once. Before this gets as long as my last one,
    I still recommend it for everyone – seeing that line from
    normal to overweight to obese really makes you think about
    your health – and I’ll hope that everyone hears a Hello
    instead of that Oh, that I mistake for a grunt.

    Excellent comments – and there are so many benefits,
    you just need to getonit. :)

    Yoga is tough, the strength exercise vital, but for now
    I’ll just keep unlocking the next ones and I like the competition is only with myself.

    Now, how to get rid of those miis ? anyone know ?

    Sorry again for the length – Somehow I must have originally
    found you Mir, through a google attempt at WiiFit .

    Kate again .

  44. Brigitte

    Gee, I thought the Wii Fit sounded appealing, but I think I’d have to hit the mute button on it. I’ve never handled criticism well, if folks (or machines) don’t care for my well-intentioned efforts, it tends to make me stop trying at all!

  45. ImpostorMom

    I am in the middle of tanking what was becoming an exercise habit. I was doing so well and then I got sick. I still don’t feel well enough to work out but I’m going to try and get back to it say Saturday maybe.

  46. kath

    I don’t have a wii fit and although I dream that it would be the thing that “makes” me exercise, I have nightmares that it would be piled up, over there in the corner, with the dvds, the exercise ball, the yoga mats, the weights, the rubber bands … I have to do something though, I haven’t done any exercise since November. argggh

  47. Keyona

    I’ve had my Wii Fit for about 6 days and have been limping around because of the Hula Hoop. But I managed to crush my husbands score. It was so worth it, I’m the winner he’s the loser. I just makes sense.

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