It seems like just last week when I was singing the praises of my new Wii Fit, probably because that was just last week. I swear this is a product custom-made for sedentary hermits if ever there was one. I continue to be amazed at how perfect it is for someone like me.
The Fit commercial should go like this: “Are you approaching middle age? Does your job leave you sitting at the computer for most of the day? Do you hate to exercise? Are you not particularly fond of other people? Does leaving the house during the day seem overrated? Are you concerned that soon your butt might, in fact, eclipse Atlanta? THEN THE WII FIT IS FOR YOU!”
I’m pretty sure if they’d run THAT commercial, I would’ve bought one a lot sooner. I’m just sayin’. Anyway, it’s a match made in heaven, me and my Wii Fit. Sort of.
The first couple weeks were great, it’s true. I did yoga poses and strength exercises and balance games and I felt the burn. In particular, by the second day my abdominal muscles and calves had all turned to quivering jelly, thanks to my penchant for virtual hula-hooping. (In real life, trying to use a hula hoop most often results in some sort of eye injury for me. But on the Wii Fit, man, I’m a hooping SUPERSTAR. Not that I’ve let it go to my head or anything. But if you want my autograph, I would understand.) And I was unlocking new games right and left, on account of I was so awesome, and everything.
Anyway, I’m trying to use it every day. And I’m also modifying my diet, like I’m eating a lot less meat and I’m trying to limit the snacking after dinner, and when I’m hungry I have a cup of tea instead of eating something, usually. This is working really well to control my hunger, because it’s hard to rummage around in the pantry for a snack when you’re drinking twenty cups of tea each day, in-between bathroom stops to pee FORTY times a day. (It’s sort of like being pregnant again, only without the added problem of having another human inhabiting my body.)
The end result is that every morning when I get on the Wii Fit, it tells me it’s measuring, and then it tells me that I’ve lost some weight. And then I do a tiny little victory dance, and I’m motivated to go ahead and jog in place like a moron for a while.
Since first “registering” with the Fit—which was right before we left for our holiday trip—I’ve lost about four pounds. Which is about ten different kinds of awesome. Now, just to be clear: I was down two pounds from the moment we got back, probably due to my super fantabulous Christmas Eve, and have lost two pounds since then. So, just about a pound a week. Not exactly earth-shattering. But encouraging.
More encouraging is that I’m feeling good about the fact that I’m making an effort and getting off my butt. And also that some of my pants are looser, which is ALWAYS a good sign.
But let me tell you what is NOT encouraging. What is NOT encouraging is that I stepped on the Fit this morning, after taking the weekend off, and it insisted I’d gained two pounds. Which would make my net loss since starting my fitness regime… ZERO.
I went ahead and did my body test (and was mocked for my lack of balance) and my aerobics and my strength exercises and my yoga and everything, but my heart was heavy. I wracked my brain; had I cheated badly on my new, more restrained diet this weekend? I’d had a cupcake. And a donut. Okay, TWO cupcakes and two donuts. (Over two days. Shut up.) But our slug-like weekend schedule also meant I’d only had two meals each of those two days, and I thought I’d done pretty well with my intake, calorie-wise. What could it be? How in the world had I gained two pounds??
And then I realized that all last week, I wore exactly the same clothes while using the Fit. Over the weekend I’d realized that… hey… I worked out in those clothes for five days in a row… EWWWWWWW… and thrown them in the hamper. So today, I was wearing different clothes. Including a sweatshirt (it’s cold in here today), when all last week I’d been wearing a t-shirt.
I went back into the Body Test and instead of telling it that I was wearing “Light Clothing,” which I guess subtracts 2 pounds, I told it I was wearing “Heavy Clothing,” which subtracts 4 pounds. It assessed me and then announced that…
… I had lost three pounds since my last Body Test!
Let’s recap: I changed the amount it subtracts by TWO pounds, and after accounting for that, it decided I’d lost ANOTHER pound.
And that was when I realized that the Fit is totally mocking me. All this time I thought I’d lost a couple of pounds, for sure, but in weighing myself in the same clothes, half an hour apart, it came up with a difference of an entire pound. Which means I can’t believe what it tells me, ever.
(I should’ve known. Otto was looking sort of gaunt in a new pair of pants, last week, and I was so alarmed that I made him do a Body Test to check his weight. Because we don’t own a scale. It turns out that the new pants are just a different—roomier—cut, I guess, but the Fit accused him of having gained 8 pounds, which I’m pretty sure he did NOT. Somehow I just rationalized this as the Fit just messing with HIM, because surely the Fit loves ME, because I visit it just about every day, baby.)
In conclusion, I have no idea if I’ve lost any weight, but I sure could go for a cookie right about now.