As the house turns

For a while I couldn’t bear to talk about it, so I think the last update I gave you on how it’s been going with the house is this one.

Our friends the Lowballs (secondarily dubbed the Oddballs by Otto) waited for a week after their second showing and then made a second—only slight less ridiculous—offer on the house. There was some back and forth and then they vanished (again).

Yesterday I had two showings, and I dutifully vacated the house for the first one but happened to still be here when the second showing arrived. GUESS WHO IT WAS! No, really, GUESS! Yes, it was our friends the Lowballs! Back for a THIRD showing, after having already made two offers on the house. I think you know exactly what I mean when I respond to this turn of events with … THE HELL?? And I didn’t even make an attempt to be polite, either, just chirped “Well I’m pretty sure everything is exactly the same as THE LAST TWO TIMES YOU WERE HERE” on my way out the door.

Today the people who came for the earlier showing are coming back for a second showing.

Between you, me and the rest of the ‘net, I’m about two weeks away from completely losing it regarding selling this place. If you have any good juju to spare, please send it this way. I think Otto is tiring of all my “And I cannot wait until we can be together”s ending with “in a van down by the river!”


  1. Melanie Marie

    Good for you! I wouldn’t have let them in the house! (I’m sending all the good juju I can find!)

  2. Catherine

    Having (somewhat) recently sold and purchased a new home, I’m baffled by the Lowballs. Either you like a house, or you don’t. They speak to you. It’s not a sweater that you need to try on in many different lights to know whether the color is for you.

    As for good juju, it’s all coming your way.

    Good luck…

    Did you give them the bill for putting the soap dish back on the wall, or at least mention not to break it again?

  3. Jules

    Wait..I thought you told your people to not let those people back in your house?

  4. Suzanne

    good luck selling the house. My second house is still on the market almost a year now!!!! I imagine sales will pick up during the summer when school is out, and people can actually move, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The oddballs must really want the house bad, and are just playing negotiation games.

  5. Kris

    I would’ve said (on the way out) “Be sure you and your children don’t break anything this time.”


  6. AnonymousMom

    Delurking to say that I’m also trying to purchase a house with my geographically-separated husband (we’ve been living apart for over a year due to military commitments). We’ve been considering making an offer on a house, but I’m reluctant to offer as much below the asking price as my husband and the realtor suggest because, really, what if the owners have a blog, and what if they refer to us as “the Lowballs” on the internet? Ack! See, so you’re doing a great service for homesellers everywhere, by letting clueless homebuyers (aka, uh, me) know what exactly a “ridiculous” bid is.

  7. Em

    When we sold our house a few years back, I thought we would end up either killing ourselves…or killing each other. The stress was unreal. And then, suddenly, all done. House was bought and gone. Good luck!!

  8. Amy-Go

    Didn’t you tell these people to never set foor in your home again? Were they able to look you in the eye? Did you count your silverware? Enquiring minds want to know.

  9. Anna

    These people are clearly spies for American Idol. How else could Jordin have had her fashion insight to wear your exact wedding dress?

    A little creepy, three times? They come back a fourth time I would set up a nanny cam. What can they possibly be looking for a bag of cash perhaps to assist in actually purchasing your home.

  10. hollygee

    You are making me so glad that I was in Vermont when my house in Seattle was shown and, eventually, sold.

    Tons of good vibes and juju juice sprinkled everywhere like holy water.

    I have a good feeling about those people who are coming back today. I hope.

  11. Daisy

    I’m sending virtual good vibes your way. A low offer actually got things started on my mom’s house last year. She had one semi-interested ‘buyer’ who asked to be informed if there were any offers on the house. Huh? Yes, i thought so, too. But a lowball offer, a word to the other potential buyer, and suddenly everything fell into place. I hope for the same or better for you!

  12. Lucinda

    I can’t believe the realtor let them back in. I’m surprised you actually left. I wouldn’t have. In fact, I was there most of the times we showed our house when we were selling. But maybe it’s different out here on the West Coast. My realtor did tend to give me very little notice. Sending prayers your way.

  13. jenn2

    Please tell me these jerk-offs actually have a loan secured and aren’t going to break escrow because they can’t get funded. Please.

    If they do buy this house, I want you to pour milk all over the carpets when you leave. Oh, and shove some hamburger in the ventilation shafts.

  14. Suebob

    Wow, Mir. I hope hope hope for your sale at a high price to nice people SOON.

  15. LadyBug Crossing

    You know, sometimes they need that little comment as you walk out the door. They forget that people are actually trying to live a life while selling a house… You tell ’em!!

    Shrimp shells in the curtain rods will work so much nicer than milk in the carpets…

  16. Kelly

    Well if they are back to view it for a THIRD time (geesh) let’s hope it will be followed by a reasonable offer! You have been given some good advice on “presents” to leave them if they do end up buying it…LOL! Best Wishes to ya!

  17. Bill

    Just to be fair to the oddballs, er lowballs, er screwballs, I think you should take a different tack. When they come back and offer $5K above their last offer, you should counter with $5K ABOVE(I”m not shouting, just emphasising) your last offer. When they come back in astonishment tell ’em “you break my house, the price goes UP!” (Okay, maybe I was shouting that time). Then you can tell them “Counter again, and it goes up again” Yeaaaah, you’ve seen your lowest price on this house #*@!balls.

    Sorry, got carried away. It’s just all so Grrrr.

  18. MomCat

    We’re building a house and planning to sell our home of nineteen years when it’s done. We’ve never had to sell a home.

    Sorry…..I’m just gonna go sit in my closet, hug my knees and rock back and forth for awhile. *whimper*

  19. ChristieNY

    Un-flippin-believable. >:(

    Please tell me they didn’t BREAK ANYTHING this time. I’m mad FOR you!!!

    I truly, truly hope your house sells soon. Hang in there!

  20. Otto

    Working on sourcing a van, have the spot by the river already picked out …

    -otto (not out)(side)(yet)

  21. Carol

    Ugh. My guess is that those people will be the ones to buy your house. If you do accept an offer from them, ask for a substantial amount of earnest money. They sound flakey as hell!

    Good luck!

  22. Cele

    I thought you requested those people and that realtor to never be allowed in your house again? I’m thinking a sawed off shot gun might work.

  23. DDM

    Good Juju, zipping your way!!! Everything crossed!

  24. tammy

    Hey, I was down by the river yesterday! It’s awful nice down there. Fish and whatnot. Peaceful.

    I’m not helping, am I?

    All of us down here are sending “Go Dog Go!” thoughts toward your house. Begone, blasted domicile! Away with ye!

  25. Heather C.

    *pet pet* I’m sorry you are having such trouble with the jerkfaces!

  26. Shari

    Well, I could be totally annoying and say something to the effect of, “Wow, at least you have a house to sell!” But I won’t. Because I’ve never HAD a house to sell, I’m not really clear on why you have to stay there until it sells. Anyway, just wanted to chime and in and say YES! “In a VAN down by the RIVER!” is probably one of the BEST Chris Farley lines EVER! Thank you for that!

    If anyone else missed it (for shame!), here is a link to the skit:

  27. Aimee

    One massive dose of good juju, coming up. However, mydear, you do need to have just a little word with your real estate agent about letting those soap-dish-breaking, low-balling dirtbags back into your house. WHY?

  28. Jamie Lee

    Isn’t there some tradition that says you should bury a statue of Saint So-and-so at the Northwest (or whatever) corner of your house?
    Might be worth a shot…

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