Yesterday was a VERY EXCITING DAY, because something unprecedented happened.
I went to Marshall’s and found TWO pairs of jeans that FIT!
And I would’ve happily paid any amount of money for those jeans, because my quest for ass coverage has become so dire that my normal penny-pinching ways have been downtrodden in favor of my new philosophy, which is: SPEND IT ALL if it means having pants to wear. But the heavens shone forth and the angels sang and my generous bounty cost me under $15. Total.
It was a difficult decision, yesterday, whether to write the Love Thursday post I went with or one about my new jeans.
Today I bounced out of bed, eager to face the day’s activities in new jeans, jeans that actually fit my body and cover everything that should be covered and accentuate whatever it is that ought to be accentuated. (And by “ought to be accentuated,” I mean “are long enough to wear with my nice boots, thereby drawing the eye away from my cellulite and down to my pretty, pretty shoes.”)
I considered my two new pairs. Which one should I try first? The first pair is a sort of cargo style by Columbia (the people who make boots and stuff), and had been marked down four or five times before arriving at my purchase price of $7.00. The second pair is an Eddie Bauer pair that—in theory, anyway—should be exactly the same as one of the pairs I recently ordered from the catalog. But the catalog ones didn’t fit, and these did. (Later on today I returned the catalog pants to the store and the clerk told me they just changed the cut this year, which means by the time I discovered the magical pants that fit, they were already discontinued.) The EB ones had been $7.99, which was the Marshall’s regular price. I assumed they’d been mismarked, but I’m not complaining. Anyway, they’re a bit sleeker than the Columbia jeans, and I decided I felt like wearing them today.
New jeans… sweater… nice boots… recent haircut. I felt pretty good. Look at me, all put together! Uh huh.
I then spent the day running here and there and everywhere, and as the day progressed I found myself tugging on my pants a bit, and readjusting them repeatedly, and by mid-afternoon I was sure I was standing funny or something. I finally figured it out right before I left for choir. Of course, I didn’t have any time to DO anything about it, so I went to rehearsal, came home, paid the sitter, and then came upstairs and took my gorgeous new jeans off to check.
Today I went to no less than five different locations—where I interacted with other people—wearing those jeans and feeling pretty pleased with myself. Tonight when I removed them I was able to confirm what I’d begun to suspect about halfway through the day.
[Consumer alert: If jeans which you know to retail for $60 are tagged at $7.99 with no discounts, be suspicious.]
My new jeans? Feature a midweight dark-wash whiskered denim, a medium rise, a bit of stretch for optimal fit, and a right leg that is an inch and a half longer than the left.
(No, they were not in any way marked as being irregular or seconds. It was just a special little surprise.)
Please wish me better luck with the other pants tomorrow. I’ll be checking them carefully in the morning, just to make sure they don’t have three legs or anything else I may have overlooked.