If you are looking for cohesion, please move along. I seem to be fresh out. However, I have plenty of minty goodness to share. More on that in a bit.

Onward!

Start spreadin’ the news
Blogging for Books is back again and despite the rather disturbing imagery rendering it less a contest and more a strung-out junkie, there are PRIZES! Plus there’s FAME! And… ummm… OTHER STUFF! Possibly! Maybe not! But definitely prizes! Go write an entry, and tell others to do the same. (Well, don’t be bossy about it or anything, but you know.)

I watch too much TV
I thought yesterday’s commercial was pretty much the pinnacle of “things that come on the television and make me wonder what people are thinking.” Hahaha! Sometimes I’m silly.

Tonight I was setting up my laptop and overheard this joyful proclamation:
Friendly’s Nose Burgers!

I mean, I know I haven’t been there for a sundae in a really long time, but how much could the menu have changed…? After I finished choking on my own tongue, I realized they’d said “Friendly’s KNOWS burgers,” which is a subtle but important distinction.

The party theme is… ummmm…
I spent some time shopping today for goodie bag stuff for Chickadee’s birthday party (which is this weekend). Do you have any idea how hard it is to find martial arts themed STUFF for goodies? Hey, come to Chickadee’s party, and we’ll give you a treat sack containing nunchucks and a copy of the black belt oath! Where are you going??

I dislike bags full of assorted crap, which makes it harder to just buy… ummm… crap. And I’m just OCD enough to want things to be at least SLIGHTLY thematic. So, uh, the girls are getting jump ropes and water bottles and coupons for free classes, in my lame attempt to pretend it’s a fitness bag.

And while I was shopping…
Okay, I see you looking around, trying to figure out where the peppermint smell is coming from. It’s, well, um, I don’t know how to tell you this. It’s my feet. For some reason, training to walk a gazillion miles is just not making my feet look beautiful. Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If the beholder happens to be a gigantic callous, my feet are GORGEOUS. But because I foolishly wish my feet would look like feet rather than clumps of dead skin, I picked up a pair of “moisturizing booties” while I was out today. I could hardly wait to try them out.

I whipped out my beloved peppermint foot cream and slathered my feet, then opened up the booties. I had expected them to be lined with plastic. Or rubber. Something non-porous. Want to know what they’re lined with? NOTHING. I hate to break it to the manufacturer, but where I come from, those are not “moisturizing booties” so much as “socks.” I was disappointed. Nonetheless, I decided to try them out, what with my feet already being dripping with cream.

I’ve done nighttime foot cream and put on regular socks, before. It’s… squishy. And damp. My expectations were not high. The good news is that this seemingly normal pair of socks must be made of space-age material, because they DO keep the moisture in and don’t leak. The bad news is that I am still leaving a trail of peppermint scent everywhere I go, because the fabric does appear to breathe a bit. So I guess I don’t need to brush my teeth tonight!

(I’m kidding. I would never skip brushing my teeth just because my entire house smells like an Altoid. I would cover my feet in Crisco, yes. But sacrifice dental health? Let’s not get crazy.)

We’re very close
I have a favorite pharmacist. Doesn’t everyone? Yes, he’s been with me through thick and thin. He knows our regular prescriptions. He’s professional and doesn’t react when I come in for Diflucan or other vagina-related medications. He cracks jokes and laughs at mine. There’s no one else I’d rather have handling my embarrassing medical issues.

Today when I dropped by to pick up some refills, I commented on how I love the automatic refill plan, where the computer just calls and lets me know that our meds are ready. This prompted Favorite Pharmacist to ask me if I’ve received my free binder yet, and I had no idea what he was talking about, so he came out and gave me this cool little freebie the Target Pharmacy is doing now–a small 3-ring binder to organize your family’s medical info, color-coded to each family member’s ClearRx label color.

The binder is pretty nifty, PLUS, it has a removable weekly pill organizer that snaps onto the spine! How cool is that?

To show my appreciation, I finally told Favorite Pharmacist about the time he put Monkey’s sticker on my hormone patches. He was, of course, mortified. I felt bad, but I couldn’t stop laughing.

Thanks, universe
Did I ever say thanks to all you pretty people for your kind words on my job disappointment post? Thank you very much. Many of you really touched me with your words… particularly the ones who are mourning the shoes with me.

Also, I got an email from a former client today about an upcoming project, wanting to know if I would be available. Go figure. Why yes, I am available! How lucky!

I’m a loser, but what a bargain!
Remember how, a while back, I said I’d never pay for a dating service? Well, I still think that’s true. That I wouldn’t. But I would let my mother buy me a 3-month membership with the fine folks over at geeFlarmony, because my prior experience taught me that they’re unlikely to ever, you know, actually FIND me anyone.

But you know, at some point during those three months, I may have emailed customer service on general principle. I just may have said, “Hello, geeFlarmony customer service. I have read your FAQ and I understand that this whole soulmate thing takes a while, but I’m thinking that not even getting a single email, ever, through your remarkable system means either that I am a total loser or that something is wrong with that system.”

And if I had done such a thing, it’s possible that customer service would’ve mailed back with a response that said “Blah blah blah blah patience dedication blah blah blah foolproof blah blah blah guarantee blah blah blah but perhaps if you redo the personality profile you’ll get more hits.”

If someone had said such a thing to me, I’m thinking I probably would’ve responded with, “Oh, so you would like me to lie and change my answers to make myself more matchable? That’s interesting.”

That’d be funny, huh? I’m sure that customer service would’ve rushed to ASSURE me that NO NO NO, they did not mean LIE, but you just NEVER KNOW, it had been a while, why not redo the profile, maybe the slight difference in answers just due to the passage of time would render me more matchable.

So I redid my profile and clearly my file was now flagged–they sent me a match (just one) the very next morning that wasn’t there the night before (it’s MAGIC!). Unfortunately, their patsy either sensed his impending doom or was already in a relationship, because he closed the match immediately, saying he was already in a relationship. And that was the end of that.

But my 3 months ended and I sent customer service a copy of the previous email and said, “Well, I didn’t get my guaranteed three matches. Actually, I never even got a single email. Hmmm.” And those nice people, who know in their heart of hearts that they are never going to match me with anyone, extended my membership by 3 months, free of charge. That was sweet. Then they suggested that I increase my search radius, because my current one “may be too limiting.” Riiiiight. I can see where limiting myself to ONLY FOUR STATES would really be the main problem, here.

So, uh, not too excited to be on board for another 3 months. But the penny-pincher in me is delighted.

Someday, when I die–alone, and unloved–people will shake their heads and say to one another…

… “Do you smell peppermint?”