Really, why am I surprised?

By Mir
January 13, 2006

I have been running to the mailbox each and every day like Ralphie from “A Christmas Story” awaiting the coveted Little Orphan Annie decoder ring.

Every day, I have come away dejected. Bills, catalogs, junk mail addressed to “Resident,” and people who are utterly convinced that I want to give them money out of the goodness of my heart. Won’t you help us, they implore. Our organization of specialized servicepeople not only ensure that your house is protected from marauding bands of child-eating landsharks, but we care deeply about one-armed pygmy refugees in third world countries. It costs just pennies a day to support us, and if you don’t, locusts will be arriving shortly along with telegrams reading “We told you so.”

Today was different, though. Today, the mailbox was full.

I expected to be thrilled. At last! My decoder ring!

Wait, no. I wasn’t actually waiting for a decoder ring. I was waiting for the check from my insurance company for my car. And there it was! In all its glory! With lots of zeroes!

I should’ve been happy. Really, I was happy. For a few minutes. I remembered that I was going to have to send all of that money (and then some) away, but I already made my first month’s car payment, so I can pretend to be rich for a month, I guess.

And then I turned to the rest of the mail. Why did I have all of these OTHER envelopes from my insurance company? Hmmmm.

Oh. Claim updates for each member of the family. Okay, then. Everything was approved. Yay!

Except. Oh, look at that. Those “free” initial evaluations the chiroquactor did on the kids? Charged at 3 times his regular rate?

Maybe I shouldn’t care. It’s not coming out of MY pocket. But I do care and I’m pissed.

I’m really looking forward to my appointment there on Monday. Let’s lay odds, shall we? My guess is that the Happy Shiny Secretary will fall all over herself telling me that it was just a billing error and they’ll fix it right away. Maybe they thought I wouldn’t notice since I’m not paying.

It’s too bad, because the treatments have been incredibly helpful. But I’m sure there are other helpful chiroquactors out there who, you know, have a lower sleaze factor. And wear normal shoes.


  1. ben

    Damn. He’s messing with the wrong woman, that’s for sure…

  2. Holley

    Get ’em, Mir! And who needs to pay off a car? You deserve a trip to Tahiti.

  3. udge

    Charging for a free consultation is fraud against the insurance company, and misrepresentation against yourself. Put your black boots on and kick his sleazy ass.

  4. Contrary

    Chiroprators are the used car salesmen of the medical profession.

    Good luck and I’m glad y’all are feeling better!

  5. Beverly

    In a round about way you WILL be paying for those evaluations. I’m in the insurance industry…..even though it feels like you’re not paying for it because the actual check comes from the insurance company, future insurance premiums will be based on how much the insurance company has paid out in claims for you… actually you are paying the “chiroquacter”…so raise hell and make em take it off your claim!!!!!

  6. Genuine

    I have a thousand other stories just like this one if anyone is interested. Don’t get me started on those “doctors”.

  7. shannon

    you go get ’em! that is fraud and the people it hurts is every person who has insurance…premiums get raised, things don’t get covered…

    like i said, you go get ’em!

  8. Cele

    Boot to the head – go gettem’ Mir and make him eat…er I mean…burn thoses friggin’ sandles.

  9. Nothing But Bonfires

    Seriously, WHAT IS WITH doctors charging way more if they know the insurance company will pick up the tab? I was told it would cost $300 to sew my Gross Ripped Earlobe up if my insurance wouldn’t cover it, but then they said insurance WOULD cover it, so I said hell yes, because I don’t have $300 to spare. But then the claim came in the mail and the doctor had charged the insurance company FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS for his 20 minutes in a room with me and a needle and thread. So I have to pay $650 now! Which, uh yes, is MORE THAN $300. I despair.

    (wow, totally turning your tragedy into mine. I’m sorry!)

  10. Dee

    Having been a single mother of 4, yes 4, I understand your position to some extent. Go get that guy, or even better that pouffy-haired, spike-heeled, long-nailed “secretary” LOL

  11. Jenny

    Yeah,I’ve been to some of those shady types. One wanted to take a full set of expensive x-rays at EVERY visit, so he could “see how my adjustments were doing”. Not only was that excessive money-wise, but gee, did he think he was going to expose my body to all of that without a thought for my , ahem, health???? But there are good ones…I guess mine should be nominated for sainthood…..
    So, is the Secretary sleeping with the Dr.?????

  12. Shiz

    Scummy Quacktor! I have a great quacktor. She waers normal shoes and everything. And she’s hilarious. Like you.
    Totally a sign that you should so move here.

  13. Fraulein N

    That bastard! Get ‘im!

  14. David

    You may even want to get your insurance company in on this, too. They might want a little piece of this guy; they’re being gouged because you were lied to. Nail ‘im!

  15. poopie

    I’m guessin’ he needs the extra bucks for some new sandals ;)

  16. Latte Man

    And you wondered WHY I have a zero tolerance policy with these clowns? It is sad that Contrary may have hit the nail right on the head. You may wind up fortunate and with good results (out of sheer luck), but these quacks are the Used Car Salesmen of medicine.

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