Let me count the ways!
Clarification the first: Petty, yes. Unimportant in the grand scheme–absolutely. I’m back to that whole thing where I feel safer complaining than extolling the virtues of the things which are well. It’s a sickness. I’m aware. Shut up.
Clarification the second: Busy. Busy busy busy. This is all I’ve got for you. What, you’d rather I just skip posting so that you can wonder if I’m curled up in the corner, rocking back and forth while sobbing into my now-detached ponytail? Hush up and be grateful. Plus I am not admitting to anything.
So. As if any (more) proof was needed:
1) Picture day? Wednesday. Yes. Today IS Wednesday. Oddly enough, there is a Wednesday NEXT week, as well, and that just happens to be the one when they’re having pictures. At least Monkey announced to everyone who looked at him, today, “I am extra handsome today because Mama put GEL in my hair! See?”
2) Remember my mouthguard? Only $12? I kept waking up and having to hunt for it. On account of it was never actually, you know, IN MY MOUTH even though I was pretty sure that’s where I’d left it, the previous night. A smart person would’ve been grateful not to have spent too much money, and moved on. Not me. I bought another one! For a lot more money! Which also tends not to stay in my mouth.
3) I’m sorry… did I… cut off all my hair this morning? Because…? Oh.
4) I actually bought a t-shirt today that says “Brunettes can shop and talk at the same time.” Okay, no–this doesn’t make me a moron. It just makes me a dork.
5) I set aside all my bills and then sit down and pay them all at once. I paid bills tonight. Apparently I also set aside a notice of a meeting I was supposed to be at. Yesterday. Um… oops.
6) I watched this tonight. I’m pretty sure my IQ dropped at least 20 points.
7) Here is a typical conversation I like to have with myself:
Naive Voice: What’s that?
Voice of Reason: I believe it’s a can of worms. Leave it alone.
NV: But… can they BREATHE in there? Poor things! Let’s LET THEM OUT!
VoR: You are too stupid to live. Step away.
NV: But they are so CUTE and WRITHE-Y and PLENTIFUL! Let’s see HOW MANY there are!
VoR: Kill. Me.
NV: Oops! Look at that! Worms everywhere! What were you saying?
VoR: Nothing. I was just slitting my wrists.
I’m sure I could be dumber. Sometimes it’s just hard to think of how.