So far, no gorilla sightings

By Mir
August 10, 2005

You know the saying about how “getting there is half the fun?” No. Not even close. Not even a quarter of the fun. Actually, just not fun at all, compared to being there. Not that there’s anything WRONG with getting there, just that it’s wasted time in comparison to the rest.

Mir’s Handy Travel Tips:
DO bring lots of reading material.
DON’T bring a book about the ebola virus if you are predisposed to anxiety.
DO transfer important items to your cool new purse.
DON’T forget to remove your girly leatherman tool which now belongs to the security dude at the airport.
DO catch the handy train that will take you from one end of Gigantic Airport to the other.
DON’T compulsively stare at the hugely fake boobs of the two women dressed like strippers, precariously balancing on their stiletto heels and lurching about every time the train speeds up or slows down.

DO attempt to swallow your host’s children whole, for they are sweet and delicious.
DON’T be surprised when said children decide that you are now an excellent jungle gym and general plaything.
DO attempt to be helpful.
DON’T poison the small child who assures you that yes, that is her cup, although perhaps does not qualify that said cup of juice may in fact be weeks old.
DO try to make up for possible blunder by offering to help prepare dinner.
DON’T slice off your fingertip into the julienned squash.
DO accept an after-dinner glass of wine.
DON’T choke on your wine while laughing.
DO remember to make a note of really deep philosophical statements like, “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean! Like, he’s sexy like Ward Cleaver would’ve been sexy, if he was sexy at all.”
DON’T forget to thank the resident computer geek for setting up the wireless network.
DO fall into bed slightly tipsy, tired from giggling, and thrilled to be here.


  1. Carolyn

    Where are you? I want to go there too!!
    Have a GREAT TIME!!

  2. elswhere

    I went to see that Hot Zone guy at a reading once, when the book first came out. I went with a bunch of friends and we got completely giddy at the bookstore cafe before the reading, making up questions to ask him during the Q & A. Like, “Could you describe exactly what it looks like when someone bleeds from all their orifices?”

    He was very affable and funny and drily witty. I think he did offer to describe the bleeding orifices for my friend, but she declined.

    Um. Anyway. Hope your vacation is, like, the opposite of that book.

  3. dad

    I love it when you are happy.

  4. Angela

    I would love to be a fly on the wall. I’ll bet you two are a complete riot. Have a great time and y’all keep us posted on all of the goings on. OH….and buy pretty shoes!!!!

  5. Zuska

    It’s good to “see” you relaxed and giggly and enjoying yourself. And Ward WAS sexy – just not as sexy as Wally….

  6. Jessie

    Sounds like a fun vacation! (and also like MUCH more fun than I’m having sitting here at work)

  7. Steph


  8. Bob

    Yeah, it only takes one trip through that airport to realize that you DEFINATELY need to take the train. It used to be more fun before the olympics, the voice used to announce the stops was the Ceylon robot voice from the old Battlestar Galactica TV show. That place is also a fantastic place to sit & watch people. The things you see, the conversations overheard…..

    I hope you don’t get washed away, it’s rained every day this week. Sounds as if you won’t mind, just have another glass of wine. It sounds like you’re having a good time. Keep it up!

  9. ben

    “Ward, don’t you think you were a bit hard on the beaver last night?”

  10. Bob

    I DEFINITELY wish I could spell.

  11. Angela

    Ben – HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! I will be thinking that all day now.

  12. Kestralyn

    Yay! Please continue having a marvelous time — we wish it for you with all our little crossed fingers ;-)

    And please say hi to the newts for us!

  13. rams

    Oh, go on — you know you lusted in your heart after Eddie Haskel.

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