You know the saying about how “getting there is half the fun?” No. Not even close. Not even a quarter of the fun. Actually, just not fun at all, compared to being there. Not that there’s anything WRONG with getting there, just that it’s wasted time in comparison to the rest.
Mir’s Handy Travel Tips:
DO bring lots of reading material.
DON’T bring a book about the ebola virus if you are predisposed to anxiety.
DO transfer important items to your cool new purse.
DON’T forget to remove your girly leatherman tool which now belongs to the security dude at the airport.
DO catch the handy train that will take you from one end of Gigantic Airport to the other.
DON’T compulsively stare at the hugely fake boobs of the two women dressed like strippers, precariously balancing on their stiletto heels and lurching about every time the train speeds up or slows down.
DO attempt to swallow your host’s children whole, for they are sweet and delicious.
DON’T be surprised when said children decide that you are now an excellent jungle gym and general plaything.
DO attempt to be helpful.
DON’T poison the small child who assures you that yes, that is her cup, although perhaps does not qualify that said cup of juice may in fact be weeks old.
DO try to make up for possible blunder by offering to help prepare dinner.
DON’T slice off your fingertip into the julienned squash.
DO accept an after-dinner glass of wine.
DON’T choke on your wine while laughing.
DO remember to make a note of really deep philosophical statements like, “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean! Like, he’s sexy like Ward Cleaver would’ve been sexy, if he was sexy at all.”
DON’T forget to thank the resident computer geek for setting up the wireless network.
DO fall into bed slightly tipsy, tired from giggling, and thrilled to be here.