It’s been a busy weekend. Busy busy busy. That’s right. So very busy! Now, I don’t mind busy when I feel like I’m getting things done. You work, you’re rewarded. That works well all around, yes? But being busy rushing here and there and feeling like I still have as much to do as when I started… well….
So! Ever one to seek the bright side (shut up), I’ve decided this weekend’s progress will be measured in lessons learned, because it sure as heck can’t be declared a success based upon the state of my house or my to-do list. And really, that’s so pedestrian, anyway. A clean house, or tasks completed. Pffft. Anybody can have those. I’m doing the difficult intellectual work here, people, so that everyone can benefit from my wisdom.
You can thank me later. Preferrably in cash.
THINGS I’VE LEARNED THIS WEEKEND, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:
1) Computers have delicate little feelings and are easily insulted. If you call a computer a worthless piece of crap often enough, it will take it to heart and lose the will to boot.
2) “Little House on the Prairie” is shown on the Hallmark Channel approximately twelve times a day. The DVR service through the cable company (unlike TiVo) offers the option to record “one episode” or “all episodes” but not “all episodes shown in this particular time slot.”
3) A DVR full of nothing but “Little House on the Prairie” will make small children very happy.
4) Someone will always call early in the morning on the one day when I can sleep late. And then they’ll make fun of me for having still been asleep.
5) “Two people required for setup” actually means two people are required for setup. Go figure. Heck, give it some good consideration while you’re getting a band-aid for that spot where you ripped all the skin off your hand trying to force a hinge that wasn’t planning on staying open.
6) Jesus probably didn’t have an impossible-to-unfold screenhouse in mind when he commanded folks to love thy neighbor, but it’s a pretty good demonstration of why it pays to be friendly.
7) Continue loving thy neighbor for helping you out even if she laughs at you while she’s doing it.
8) One of the “empty” boxes that will be knocked over while bustling around the house will contain no less than 1,500 teeny tiny scraps of paper (which absolutely, positively, cannot be thrown away without causing major trauma).
9) Do not forget the sacred rules of bargain hunting. Pop-tarts purchased at $1.00 off is a bargain. Two bags of salad purchased at buy one, get one where the second bag is left in the bottom of the fridge until it turns brown is just misplaced optimism.
10) A person’s motivation to do ANYTHING when it’s (still) raining (again) is non-existent. Clearly if God intended for us to be more productive, he’d clear up this storm front.
You know what I learned? That when two adults take three small children on an outing that is ostensibly for the children’s enjoyment, at least one member of the party will be cranky at all times. And it’s just as likely to be one of the adults. Also, the zoo will not allow you to donate your husband to the gorilla exhibit, even when he’s as grumpy as a caged silverback ever gets. Go figure.
I always have lots of “misplaced optimism” in the bottom of the frig; it probably accounts for why the guinea pig will outlive us all. Lots and lots of salad always seems like a great idea in the store.
It’s a three day weekend- you have a make-up day to get things done.
Thanks, as always, for the good read.
All excellent lessons.
Living in the city where nothing is green anyway and there is no dewy, freshly rained smell, I think the only thing I actually like about rain is the excuse it gives you to not do stuff you didn’t want to do anyway.
Ah, but when they predict the twelfth straight day of rain and you have all but given up hope of summer, and then the sun unexpectedly bursts through the clouds and friends ask you to lunch and then the baby naps, the men teach the boy bocce ball and you lie on your back and watch the rain clouds re-group in the sky, well, that is very heaven.
PS are you the one who gave my son those 1500 teeny tiny bits of paper?
I learned that a gash in the forehead looks far worse seconds after impact than it does after you stop the bleeding. Sigh…
“Misplaced Optimism” had me giggling. SO true!
lesson learned: NOTHING ever happens the way you planned on holiday weekends. sigh. I had such high hopes for this weekend. Finish up my son’s new room, do the laundry, mow the lawn, work on the house and find something to do on Memorial Day that doesn’t involve TV. Three days, no problem.
Instead, my daughter gets the stomach bug my son had (for a week)putting her to bed; (indelicacy alert) my wife’s aunt flow comes to visit and she’s being a real bitch this month (aunt flow, not my wife – much) so she’s in bed almost totally incapacitated (my wife, not aunt flow). AND it rains all day Sunday & Monday. So, I’m busy feeding everyone, cleaning up just enough to keep ahead, trying to comfort two ill women without pissing them off and looking outside telling myself that at least the tomatos and beans won’t need watering. No laundry, no lawn mowing, no holiday fun. Saving grace – Rocky & Bullwinkle tapes. Rah Rah Wossamotta U.
Brilliant! I agree with every one of these. My frige is also full of optimism, often the leftovers of optimism stored in tupperware.