Behind every great tragedy is sleep deprivation

By Mir
April 14, 2005

I should be sleeping even now, you know, but once I’ve crossed some invisible barrier between Sleeping Enough and Not Sleeping Enough it’s hard to cross back. I’m exhausted but I’m wide awake. It’s a lovely dichotomy, not unlike when I try on a pair of jeans that cut off the circulation in my thighs while gapping sufficiently through the waist to hold two dozen Krispy Kreme donuts.

Actually, I guess it’s pretty well not at all like that, and also that I should clarify that I have never stuffed donuts into pants I was trying on. Or pants I was wearing. Or pants, period.

About two more nights of this and I may consider it, though. Heck, donuts in the pants sounds downright festive right now.

If I wasn’t so tired and cranky I might delve into some of what’s going on with me. But instead I’ll just give some hypotheticals, just for fun. Fun! Ha ha! I’m having fun; aren’t you? Right!

Hypothetically, if I’d stayed up late painting aprons with glitter fabric paint, and the next morning the paint had dried much darker and was now barely visible against the denim fabric, that would be distressing.

Hypothetically, if my son who hasn’t napped in years started napping at school and having accidents several days in a row, that would be worrisome.

Hypothetically, if my car started making a funny noise, I should probably think about getting it looked at, but who has time for that?

Hypothetically, if I’d been working my ass off to handle some difficult situations out of my control and someone felt the need to simultaneously blame me and admit that it wasn’t really something I could control, I would want to scream. Loudly. Several times.

Hypothetically, if I’d gone to this person and asked for a discussion to clear the air, I would assume that would be a healthy thing. But hypothetically, I tend to forget that not everyone likes to actually handle things head-on, and I’d probably be left wondering if I’d somehow made things worse.

Hypothetically, going to choir rehearsal and singing should cheer me up; and maybe it did, for about five seconds.

Hypothetically, if I were going to embark on a romance (in my copious spare time), I’m sure I would be smart enough to do so with someone right here in town, because how dumb would it be to not even be able to get some, er, stress relief, in the midst of my FABULOUS Week Of No Sleep?

Hypothetically, if I were to take a vacation, I think I’d like to sleep for about 20 hours in a row, to start.


  1. Mamacita

    Hypothetically, you should be hanging out with me tomorrow night at the City Grille.

  2. carolyn

    In regards to the aprons,my Mother would say,”it’s a craft, not an art”.

  3. alektra

    Hypothetically, you could take a deep breath and realize that you’re still amazing.

    I wish I lived nearby so I could check out your car for you. :( Is there someone at church who could help?

  4. chris

    my sleep deprivation goes back to the early 80s, and there’s nothing hypothetical about it. i feel your exhaustion (and that’s not hypothetical either.)

  5. laura

    You had me at PANTS (one of my favorite words) but it’s the aprons that have really caught my attention here. Those girls and their moms are going to love them. It makes me wish I had a girl who was going to Chickadee’s party, just to get ahold o’ one of them aprons. I’ve had experience with this sort of thing, where I bust my ass to make something perfect, it doesn’t turn out like I thought it should, but everyone else is AGOG at my crafty prowess. You have it, too – crafty prowess.

  6. Jenny

    I’m thinking we need to trade pants, because MY pants squoosh me like a sausage link at the waist while the thighs are billowy like clown pants.

    Perhaps we should have some donuts while we ponder this.

    I agree with Laura – you do have crafty prowress. Or maybe you’re just crafty… *furrows brow and taps fingertips together*

    Hypothetically, I’m going to bed very late tonight because I have to fill 30 freakin’ treat bags for the party celebrating the birth of my oldest child that is happening tomorrow.

  7. poopie

    Clearing the air doesn’t work with men. Honest.

  8. Suzanne

    Let’s just say that hypothetically, you are getting interested in someone with whom you are chatting on the internet, and probably who lives a million miles away. And let’s just say that you are probably thinking at this point, that it might work…especially because you already know there’s no one in your geographically desireable area worth their weight in spit. Take my hypothetical advice and don’t go there. He will never be as good as you hope he might be.
    Not that it’s ever happened to me before…i’m just sayin. Hypothetically that is.

  9. Amanda B.

    Putting doughnuts in your pants could, in theory and if placed strategicly, temporarily take care of the stress relief problem.

  10. Jules

    Hope the party is faaaaaaaaaaab!!

Things I Might Once Have Said


Quick Retail Therapy

Pin It on Pinterest