The time has come (the walrus said… don’t call me a walrus unless you’re hoping to be smacked, however) for me to take Any Job. As you all know, I passed Dream Job long ago. I spent some time looking for Pretty Good Job, and after a while settled into the search for Acceptable Job. Now? Any Job.
Wanna know why? Well, I had this fabulous back-up plan, you see. Part of the job issue is that I cannot work later than about 3:30 and still get Chickadee off the bus, and I cannot afford to pay for aftercare for her unless I get a job that actually pays well. A dear friend of mine who is a teacher has been urging me to sign up to substitute teach at the elementary schools.
This is an ideal solution, on a number of levels:
1) They are so desperate for subs in our district, they hire anyone.
2) The pay is not as horrible as you’d think.
3) I wouldn’t need any additional care for Chickadee.
4) I wouldn’t have to work on days that school is closed.
Although I love my children with all my heart, and indeed have a soft spot for nearly all children, I have resisted this idea for quite a while, for the following reasons:
1) I spend enough time sick over the winter without spending entire days with hoardes of small germ-carriers.
2) The pay really isn’t all that good.
3) I’m not sure how Chickadee would react to having me at school, but I’ve learned to hope for the best and expect the worst, with her.
4) I would rather gnaw off my right arm than spend even more time per day trying to reason with small people who think that farting is the height of hilarity.
Today I went down to the official school district offices to apply to sub. I was ready. I was even sort of willing. As I haven’t actually done that arm-gnawing thing, yet, I was even able.
Turns out that anyone who works in the schools has to go through criminal background checks. Don’t get me wrong; I fully support this idea. Good for them! Protect my kid! Her teacher may have taken seven weeks to learn her name, but at least she’s not an axe murderer! Good!
I’m not worried about the check itself. Check away! All of my horrible deeds are off the record! (I kid! No horrible deeds! Also, I am kind to animals!) But it takes eight to twelve weeks to come back.
*insert sound of me screaming loudly, here*
If I’d known that, I would’ve applied sooner, I think.
So… for now… gonna sit here and say, “Would you like to Biggie-size that?” for a while until I can say it with a straight face….