In my state there is no sort of identification check at the polls. You walk in, give your name, and get a ballot. Three different people mark your name off a list, which is a wonderful system of checks and balances and a good use of time considering that I could walk in there and pretend to be my neighbor, a friend, or just about anyone with a common last name. Polling fraud? No way! Not here! Thanks for your vote, Ms. Smith!

The political signs in everyone’s yards and along the sides of the road baffle me under the best of circumstances. I mean, okay; this is America! Land of the free and the home of the billboard! I get that. And I even sorta kinda get putting a sign in your own yard, if you feel passionate about letting everyone know your political preference. But on the roads? On highway ramps? Why?? This has always confused me. Worse yet are all the people standing along the roads with signs today. Can someone point me to a documented case where an informed voter (heck, even an uninformed voter) was driving to the polls with every intention of casting her vote for Candidate X and then passed a person waving a Candidate Y sign and thought to herself, “Self, I’ve had this all wrong. Look at that font. Behold the red stripe of freedom. And the sign holder is clearly freezing in the drizzle so he must be right about Candidate Y!”? I don’t think so.

Now for some useful information: The antidote for eating way too much Halloween candy is to drop the kids off for their dinner with Daddy and then purchase a quart of hot-and-sour soup from the cheap Chinese takeout. Eat until you feel sick. This will enable you to walk past the candy bags for once without grabbing something. (For an hour, anyway.)