I’m having a day of retreat, reflection and general penance.

I’m sorry that it’s raining today. Monkey is on his first ever school field trip and I’m hoping the excitement of riding the big bus will outweigh the fact that he’s likely to come home with pneumonia.

I’m sorry that after an extended breakfast-time detailing of today’s plans my daughter still felt it necessary to insist to school officials that I was picking her up today, necessitating a phone call home to verify that no, she is to take the bus. Mostly I’m sorry that I have so little grip on how to communicate with that child.

I’m sorry that I inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings on a discussion board this week when I neglected to choose my words carefully. I’m not sorry that I tried to fix it, but I’m sorry that the person in question has decided there is nothing I can say that changes the fact that the world has somehow now been shaken to its core. I feel bad, but I’m just walking away and hoping it becomes clear that no one (especially me) is that important.

I’m sorry that I’ve not been able to respond with greater enthusiasm to those who are checking up on me. It’s ungracious and ungrateful and I am not fit to lick the shoes of those who love me, so I’ll just be happy that I’m kinda like nicotine… gross and horrible for you, yet addictive.

I’m sorry that I’ve been crawling into bed early and missing my nightly chats with Kira, because she is just so darned cute. Damn you, Mountain Time Zone!

I’m sorry that my ex felt the need to tell my children to keep something stupid from me, not sorry that they told me anyway, and oh-so-sorry that I tried to discuss it with him. No secrets. Secrets bad. Don’t do it. His response? “I didn’t know it would upset you.” Look! It’s the POINT, sailing right past you! Grab it, quick!! That entire discussion made me more melancholy than I’ve been in ages, for reasons too complicated to articulate. I am not surprised, no. But it still makes me sad.

I’m sorry that 1) someone felt the need to do this search, 2) my site was a match, 3) my site was on the last page of search results, and 4) that person followed the link hoping to find this very important piece of information. Sorry, dude. Also? Seek help.