I like to consider myself a person of above-average intelligence. But every now and then I come face to face with the realization that I am full of crap. Woe is me.

Today I am expecting a couple of Very Important Phone Calls. So I dutifully puttered around all morning, sans shower, so that I would be available for these calls. Naturally, the watched phone never rings (except with a telemarketing call from Florida). Before I stepped into the shower around lunchtime, I placed the phone on the bathroom counter so that I wouldn’t miss a call. But Murphy’s Law clearly dictates that if I want the phone to ring, I have to be in the shower, shampoo in my eyes, with the nearest phone at least three rooms away. My carelessness cost me those calls. Was it worth it? Was it??

I shaved my legs again, today. (Wow! Twice in one month, not due to weather or sex! It’s a record!) Which is to say, I sliced my legs open in multiple places. I’ve been shaving my legs for 22 years, people. TWENTY. TWO. YEARS. You’d think I’d have gotten the hang of it, by now. My legs haven’t changed shape; I don’t have Parkinson’s Disease or some other sort of tremor-producing disorder. What’s my excuse?

Now I’m looking around my computer desk. It is covered in a thick layer of dust, which I am writing about instead of eradicating. There are bills here in a stack that I am trying to will out of existence (it hasn’t worked so far, but I’m no quitter), and also a couple sets of file folders that I bought for getting myself organized. The files are still empty. Rather than get organized, I’m going to sit here and be pissed at myself for buying them in the first place. Because that’s productive.

There must be something else I should be doing, right now. I’ll be sure to screw it up and report back.