We now return you to the farce that is my life

By Mir
July 15, 2004

Well, that was over in a blink. Welcome back to the realities of my life. It may not be glamorous, here, but at least it’s familiar! (I may have postcards made up with that printed on them. The pictures will be things like the crumbs under my kitchen table and the bathroom sink clogged with Polly Pocket detritus.)

Offered for your consideration:

1) Monkey awoke this morning with a pull-up weighing approximately five pounds, sagging down to his knees with the weight of a gallon of urine.

2) The ex emailed me as soon as he got to the office to share a too-long missive about how much traffic sucks, and as a result he got to work late today and surely I won’t mind if he’s an hour late to pick up the kids, right? Of course I don’t mind. Just because I’ve now had the kids here, without help, for ten consecutive days and I am still popping Advil like tic-tacs doesn’t mean I don’t want an extra hour with them! (I’m not crying; there’s something in my eye!) Being the calm, mature adult that I am–on the third day of rain and fifth day of headache–I replied with, “No problem. I’ll do my best not to kill them before you arrive.”

3) Today being Day 5 of The Migraine From Hell, I put in a call to my doctor. She’ll call me back. Maybe. If the phase of the moon is favorable. And if by some miracle she actually does call, I will spend the entire conversation trying not to giggle, since (thanks to Debby) I will now forever picture her with a Mylan patch stuck to her forehead.

4) Remember how the whole precipitating event for the Great Television Adventure was my old TV channelling Charlie Brown’s teacher? What could be crueler than receiving not one, but two defective televisions in a row? Why, discovering that the “wah wah wah” issue is in fact related to the cable itself. No, that hadn’t occurred to me before. Yes, I am an idiot. Yes, my old TV has gone… somewhere… with the delivery guys, and didn’t even need to be replaced.

Yep. Everything’s back to normal.


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