By Mir
June 20, 2004

I was riding high on the… uhhh… high (high high high!) of my clean house yesterday as I prepared for an evening of pizza and sympathy with a few friends. My last supper. Courtesy of Pizza Hut. I should just move into a trailer and be done with the facade, I know. Anyway. I was feeling good.

Six friends had been invited. In the end, one made it. Well, that’s okay. Other people have lives, too (so I hear), so I was not to be deterred from my high! Alright! Excellent friend, you and me, baybeeeee! Let’s eat some pizza and watch a really bad horror film! Okay! Rock on!

We had a good time.

About halfway through the movie the ex and my children called, having landed safely in ex-law land slightly earlier that evening. Monkey got on the phone first:

Me: Hey baby! Where are you?
Him: I’m fine.
Me: No, silly, not how are you, where are you?
Him: I’m at Grammie’s!
Me: No way!
Him: Yes! And I had CAKE!
Me: No!
Him: Yes! And it was CHOKLIT! And I ate it all!
Me: Mmmmm, that sounds yummy.
Him: ByebyeIwuvyou.
Me: I love you too! Are you done talking to me?
Him: [already gone]

Oooooookay. Well, at least he said he loved me. Monkey was sent to fetch Chickadee, and after several agonizing minutes of small talk with the ex I suggested that perhaps he needed to go extract her from whatever she was doing so that I could speak with her. Finally she came to the phone.

Me: Hey baby, how are–
Her: MAMA! Grammie made me a new blanket and it has my name on it and she also made one for S [girl cousin of the same age] with her name and so I grabbed S’s blanket and said “Oh, this is MY blanket” and S laughed so hard she fell over!!
Me: Wow. Sounds like you and S are back to your regular stint as Frick and Frack.
Her: [sounding a bit worried, and annoyed that I didn’t get it] No, Mama, it’s okay, S thought it was funny. She laughed. Really hard! I didn’t do anything wrong!
Me: Oh sweetie, I didn’t mean you did anything wrong! I just meant you and S are like sisters when you get together, and I think it’s great you love each other so much.
Her: Oh. Okay. ByebyeIloveyou!
[sound of phone clattering to the ground]

Well. I’m glad they’re having a good time. And I’m sure the novelty will wear off after a week and they might even be glad to come home to me next weekend.

So my friend and I finished watching our movie and eating cookies, and we said our goodbyes and she went home. In retrospect, it may not have been my brightest idea ever to eat supreme pizza so close to having had a tummy bug. Live and learn. I went upstairs and unwrapped my brand new bottle of Pepto. I gave it a good shake (per package directions).

The lid flew off. In my freshly. cleaned. bathroom. I’d say half a bottle of Pepto is about… oh… six gallons?

Fortunately, after a few hours of major blood and guts on film, even with a slightly upset stomach I had to giggle a little while cleaning up the splattered slaughter of the Pink Monster.

I’m telling ya… someone is trying to make tomorrow look good in comparison. And I really wish they would stop already.


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