Haha! Just kidding! I am really not wishing for September already. We are having a fine time, me and my offspring. Never better. You so wish you were me. Here’s how the day has gone, so far:

5:45 AM. Monkey arrives in my bed. I open one eye, tell him that he may stay as long as he is silent and doesn’t move, and go back to sleep.

6:00 AM. I remove feet from my hair and turn on the Disney Channel. Did you know that the remote works under the blankets? Technology is wonderful.

6:45 AM. Monkey informs me that my pajamas are very pretty, and he is so hungry he could eat a hippo. Flattery will get him everywhere.

7:30 AM. I stick my head in the Chickadee’s room to ask if she might like to join us downstairs. I think she actually bared her teeth at me, but I left so quick when she started snarling, I can’t be sure.

8:30 AM. Everyone is up and fed. I sit down at the computer, the kids hit the playroom.

8:35 AM. Yahoo! mail isn’t working. Bah. And the playroom is trashed.

9:00 AM. I head up to take a shower. The family room and kitchen are trashed.

9:12 AM. I get out of the shower to piercing screams from the floor below. Still dripping, I remove the cover over the vent in my floor and shout down “What’s going on??” Instantly all screaming ceases and a twin angelic chorus answers “Nothing!”

9:20 AM. I corral the kids upstairs to dress and brush teeth.

9:21-9:59 AM. Mayhem.

10:00 AM. We leave for the supermarket. And there was much rejoicing!

10:14 AM. The kids get checked into the Kid Stop at the supermarket.

10:42 AM. I discover that Breyer’s is on special this week, 2 for $5. God is good.

10:55 AM. I attempt to check the kids out of the Kid Stop at the supermarket.

10:59 AM. I shout loudly enough to be heard in the next county, “HELLO! I bought you ICE CREAM! Which is MELTING! Get your butts out here!”

11:12 AM. We arrive home. I shoo the children into the back yard and tell them to play while I put the groceries away.

11:15 AM. Chickadee comes inside and informs me that I am a terrible mother forgot to give them sunhats. I give her the hats and send her back out.

11:17 AM. I peek outside to see Monkey sitting astride the baby swing, resplendent in Chickadee’s floppy butterfly hat. Chickadee is using Monkey’s Flaphappy octopus hat to collect caterpillars.

11:22 AM. I put the last of the groceries away, ball up the profusion of plastic bags, and sit down.

11:23 AM. The children come inside. It’s too hot. It’s too windy. There’s nothing to do. There’s too much bird poop on the swingset!

11:55 AM. Lunch. Monkey eats nothing; Chickadee clears her plate.

12:15 PM. Yahoo! mail is still being flakey. ARGH! In my frustration, I survey my surroundings… which resemble an explosion at Santa’s toy factory. I demand that this room be cleaned up right now!

12:18 PM. I am happily (?) cleaning my shower (bought cleaner at the store, finally) when a tearful Chickadee comes in to report that Monkey simply will not help her clean up. She is slaving away, in fact she has cleaned up most of it, really she is doing the work of several children, and he just won’t cooperate!

12:19 PM. A rousing rendition of “It’s a Hard Knock Life” is avoided (she was on the verge, I swear) by Monkey’s appearance and immediate reporting of Chickadee smacking him in the head.

12:20-12:25 PM. Mama Lecture #32, “Can’t We All Just Get Along?” The children roll their eyes, they get stuck that way, and they have a brief nap.

12:26-1:15 PM. I do chores and the children bicker over who will pick up what.

1:16 PM. I announce that we are going to the Post Office to mail the Mother’s Day packages. (Better late than never. Shut up.)

1:17-1:50 PM. Mayhem.

2:07 PM. We arrive at the Post Office, and I stand in line with the kids thinking “Wow, I haven’t been to this branch in a long time.”

2:08 PM. Our turn. The lady behind the counter remembers us, and nods towards Monkey and says “That isn’t the little guy whose hair used to all stick up, is it??” Wow. That means she hasn’t seen us since Monkey’s fuzzy baby hair days. She fusses over the kids while I vow to be nicer to them this afternoon.

2:13 PM. We drive through Dunkin Donuts and get an iced coffee for me and a lemonade coolatta for the kids. I give them each a straw and tell them to bend one of them so they will know whose is whose.

2:14 PM. Chickadee bends her straw.

2:15 PM. Chickadee bends Monkey’s straw.

2:16 PM. Monkey realizes he doesn’t know which straw is which, and starts to cry.

2:17 PM. Mental note: no good deed goes unpunished.

2:32 PM. Arrive home, park children on couches in family room, put on movie. Suggest they take a little quiet time. Perhaps insinuate that if they get off the couches before the movie ends they might come to great bodily harm.

4:05 PM. That’s better. Recharged, refreshed, and… only four more hours til bed. Piece o’ cake.