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Nearly as exciting as the High

Hmmm, let me see. Where did we last leave off? Oh! Right! I said “Tomorrow I can tell you all about what country bumpkins do when they have a child-free day in Atlanta.” And of course by “tomorrow” I meant TODAY, which is technically two days later, but that’s just how it goes.

(Hey, I was still recovering. And time is a fluid concept, dude. Peace.)

ANYWAY, yes, my husband and I had all of Sunday spread out before us to have a Big Day in the Big City and Otto really wanted to go to the High, and I really wanted to go back to sleep for about three days, and so naturally we compromised and went to Ikea and Trader Joe’s, instead.

What? (more…)

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Mixing work and friendship

I had grand plans for this afternoon—plans that did not, in fact, involve the computer—yet somehow it’s nearly dinnertime and here I am. I had several hours all to myself today, too. Poof! Gone! Not sure what happened there, but I strongly suspect it involved PathWords. And in case y’all are unaware, you know Aimee? Aimee who comments here all the time? Aimee is a PATHWORDS NINJA. I could play PathWords for a month and never get anything near what she scored. I strongly suspect she cheated.

(Confidential to Aimee: Haha! Just kidding! I’m sure you’re just brilliant!)

(Confidential to everyone else: Total cheaterpants, that one.) (more…)

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Astroturf would’ve been easier

The kids were off with their dad this weekend, so Otto and I immediately set about making fancy romantic plans for ourselves. You know the sort—a run to the hardware store, a few hours spent cleaning up the office, meal-planning for the week and fetching groceries, and a trip to the local flooring place.

What? You don’t express your love for each other through home maintenance? Pfffft.

Actually (and this is probably more about me than you wanted to know) (sorry!) the very idea of tearing up the carpet in our living room really does get me all hot and bothered. (Oooh baby!) There are many, many things I love about this house, but you have to understand that when I first stood in it slightly over a year ago one of the first things out my mouth was “Well, the carpet in here has got to go. OBVIOUSLY.” (more…)

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If only funny came in a wrap dress

There aren’t words to adequately describe how completely ANNOYED I was when I dashed off yesterday’s post, and even as I wrote it I thought to myself that folks would probably suggest I take a nice hot bath or perhaps half a bottle of Xanax and go have some quiet time. But no, it turned into One Of Those Things where my extensive premeditation was “GAH!” and yet it turned out to be a piece that went over really well.

We’ll not discuss the times I slave over a piece of writing, convinced it’s marvelous, and the reaction is a resounding chorus of crickets chirping. It’s a Murphy’s Law application to writing for an audience, methinks.

And we’ll also not discuss the pressure (OH THE PRESSURE) of following up after such a post, when I know deep in my insecure little heart that whatever I say today will not be as amusing as yesterday. Alas. (more…)

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Sometimes it doesn’t take much

This Love Thursday, I’d like to acknowledge that I married the sort of man who will tell someone “we just ordered my new computer and I’m dancing!” and then—when they say “I’d like to see that”—makes a video and posts it to the internet.

Truthfully, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Laughter is good for the soul, and Otto will be nourishing my soul with his utter dorkitude for a long, long time.


Happy Feet from woulda on Vimeo.

 
And while Otto is obviously my one true love, yesterday’s dance led to remembering another favorite LOVAH of mine. (more…)

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I can haz style?

I am sincerely afraid to open my Discover bill this month. Oh, it’s true that I never spend much on anything. But a little here, a little there… it adds up, particularly when getting ready for Christmas. And a 1,000 mile car trip with two kids. And when finding such awesome deals at Amazon that I cannot possibly let them pass by.

At this point I am pretty sure that my UPS man curses my name every time he pulls up at my house. (But, hey, it’s not MY fault that when you order a tub of Legos from Amazon, they send each brick individually, for a total of 750 boxes on the doorstep.)

This is, of course, why the bathroom pipes staged a coup; because it’s a truism that you never find yourself in the middle of an unexpected home repair when you have some extra money lying around. It’s as if the appliances sense that you’re low on cash, and suddenly BOOM! everything breaks. I have been stopping on every trip through the kitchen to whisper sweet nothings to the washer and dryer, so great is my fear at this point. (more…)

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Merry Christmas, you smell

I love Christmas. I love everything about it. This is what happens when you grow up Jewish and realize that accepting Christ into your heart means pretty shiny ornaments on a twinkling tree and stockings hung by the chimney with care. Overdone commercialism aside (can we put that aside? can we pretend to, at least?), I love the whole season of anticipation.

Plus, we already know that I love to shop, so what better way to indulge my love of a good bargain hunt than to go searching for goodies for all of my loved ones? It’s a little slice of heaven.

(And just in case there was any doubt at all as to my shopping prowess and patience when it comes to The Big Deal, this year Santa is bringing Chickadee a doll which was purchased over seven years ago, is now discontinued, and sells on eBay for roughly ten times what I, er, he, paid for it. Oh yeah, baby. I think I need a cigarette.) (more…)

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The road to hell is paved with justified purchases

You know what today is, right? No, no… not Halloween. I mean, yes, it IS Halloween, but that’s not what I’m talking about. OBVIOUSLY it’s Halloween, and I know that mostly because I spent three hours last night finishing Monkey’s costume, because I am nothing if not a champion procrastinator.

Today is the day our new dining room table and chairs are available for pick-up!

Oh, did I not mention that? About the dining room furniture? I totally meant to. I mean, inbetween NOT buying any furniture because THE MONEY, OH GOD THE MONEY and then HOORAY! IT’S ON SALE NOW! and this other big thing which was potentially going to cost a bunch of money and had me sulking around the house all I JUST DON’T GET TO HAVE ANYTHING NICE BECAUSE I’M A STUPID LOSER (yes, it IS hard being me, why do you ask?) and then that thing turning out to not happen—which sort of felt like FOUND MONEY—we then decided to buy the furniture and I totally meant to tell you about it. (more…)

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A very special talent

So if you had the WHOLE DAY to go do absolutely anything you wanted to WITHOUT CHILDREN, what would you do?

If you were me and Otto, you’d (finally!) go over to Pier 1 with that $25 gift card the realtor gave us in June and promptly fall in love with the most expensive dining room table and chairs in the place.

(It costs… slightly more than $25.) (And by “slightly” I of course mean HOLY HELL, BACK AWAY FROM THE LEATHER CHAIRS WHILST YOU OWN TWO HOUSES, CRAZYHEADS.)

The rest of the day was sort of a wash, after that. We had to use the rest of the afternoon to ponder whether we’re stupid beyond belief or just have impeccable taste. And don’t think our empty dining room isn’t mocking us while we wonder, either.

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. . . for my tote bag tells me so

This morning while the children slurped their Cheerios and I slumped at the kitchen table, half awake, sipping at my orange juice, Otto slid a section of newspaper across the tabletop to me.

PUBLIX GRAND OPENING TODAY, 7:00 AM!

I checked the clock. 6:45.

Chickadee craned her neck, allowing her to read sideways instead of just upside down. “MOM! It’s today! You should go right now! Otto can take us to school!” Methinks my daughter is tired of walking up and down the aisles at Kroger with me while I comment on the fruit flies, the gray meat, and the fact that no one seems to actually work there.

“Well, I don’t think I’ll go right NOW,” I answered, “because I’m just not sure I need to be walking into Publix in my PAJAMAS.”

“But MOM!” she continued, having read the full-page ad top to bottom, now, “You can get a FREE TOTE BAG!” (more…)

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