March 20, 2007 | Friends, Job? Huh?

I last went to New York City about twenty years ago. My father took me there for a weekend; I was still, in my teenage wisdom, planning to become the next Meryl Streep, and needed to go to an audition in Manhattan to secure a spot in a prestigious summer theater program. (I was accepted and went and had a great time and went on to win several Oscars. Well, maybe not that last part.) We ate a lot of good food and I spent a couple of hours sitting slack-jawed with wonder at a Broadway show, and best of all, I had my Daddy to protect me from the vermin of the city.

Now I will only have Chris to protect me, which should be sufficient if all I need to do to repel a mugger is show him that I’ve tucked my favorite little sparrow robot into my purse like a talisman. (more…)

October 2, 2006 | Job? Huh?, My name is Grumplestiltskin

Way back when I decided to freelance, I was thinking that it would solve a host of problems for me.

It would solve the money problem (the problem being, I didn’t have any).

It would solve the attention span problem (the problem being, I don’t really have one, and Oh! Look! Something shiny over there!).

It would solve the playing office problem (the problem being, I have trouble playing nicely with others day in and day out, particularly when the others are treating me poorly).

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I would now look around at the rest of you who work at conventional jobs for a living, and be dumbfounded as to how you manage it. Seriously, you all must be robots. (more…)

September 7, 2006 | Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Job? Huh?

This will be short so that I can hunker down in bed and pursue my new favorite hobby, which is sleeping. (Sleeping is also my old favorite hobby, and inbetween the old and the new is a hobby I don’t get to pursue often enough and also can’t talk about here without causing several people close to me experience spontaneous immolation.)

The good news is that the toothearache has gone away. The bad news is that it was, apparently, a harbinger of something awry in the sinuses. Now I just have a yucky cold. Summer is officially over! (more…)

August 12, 2006 | Job? Huh?

Yesterday I took the kids to the grocery store to buy some food. Because I’m crazy like that. As we pushed our cart past the customer service desk, a woman reached out and put her hand on my arm. Her eyes were glued to my chest.

(As has been established in previous posts, there is hardly anything hypnotic about my chest. But I WAS wearing my boob-enhancing Fussy shirt.)

“Are you a writer?” she asked.

“Yes, I am,” I answered. For a split second it occurred to me that this would be one of those monumental moments of my life—I’d responded without a second thought, as I should—and I found myself thinking “must tell Karen about this.” Becoming creeps up on all of us, it seems.

It turned out she’s looking for a local writer; she took my card and we chatted a bit and then I went on my way. And because I’m me, I did my food shopping consumed by two thoughts:

1) I could just be some freak wearing a t-shirt (no need to point out that I AM a freak, thanks). This woman was either very brave or a little nuts.

2) Maybe I need to cultivate an entire Fussy-a-Day wardrobe, just to make sure I never miss a gig. You never know who’s gonna want to hire me at my next mammogram.

April 30, 2006 | Job? Huh?

I’ve been trying to pretend it wasn’t a big deal, that I’m unbothered, and I didn’t need to talk about it. I have this misguided belief, sometimes, that the RIGHT thing should by definition be the EASY thing; discontent becomes a sign of weakness, in my system, if the choice was correct.

But then, you know, there’s the whole thing where I don’t even like porridge but you are damn well going to have to listen to me complain about it if the temperature is off. It’s part of my charm.

So. Um. It’s time to tell you the thing about the thing, I think.
(more…)

January 10, 2006 | Job? Huh?

I am just now coming off of the Christmas vacation slash Christmas holiday slash back to school slash Monkey’s birthday slash everyone getting back into the swing of working LULL that I was so enjoying.

Well, I was enjoying parts of it. Namely, the part where I didn’t have to do very much work, because just about everything was either wrapped up before the holiday or on hold until the new year.

The part where I sat down with my bills and my checkbook and a noticeably absent stack of invoices to send out, that part wasn’t so great. Also the part where the children seemed to believe that every day should begin and end with cupcakes, presents, and my undivided attention… I’d pretty much had enough of that.

But now I’m back to business as usual. Yup.
(more…)

December 15, 2005 | Job? Huh?

I got to play grown-up today, the key word being “play” because it’s all an act. Sometimes I think I overestimate my awkwardness, or overstate how casually I tend to dress when I’m working at home and only going out to take the kids to school.

And then, I have a morning like today, when I put on my big girl clothes because I have a business meeting! I take the kids to school and every parent and teacher with whom I normally exchange a “good morning” or “cold today!” does a double take and asks me who died. By the third or fourth person, I’m seriously rethinking the theory that no one knows I’m still wearing my jammies if I’ve got my long coat on.

On the one hand, it’s great to hear a dozen “Wow, you look great today!”s before I go meet a client. On the other hand, it does tend to deflate one somewhat to realize that if EVERY SINGLE PERSON says that, it’s probably less about how nice I look TODAY and more about how CRAPPY I usually look.
(more…)

October 17, 2005 | Job? Huh?

Remember last week when I mentioned going off Unemployment? No, I did not take another full-time job. But I have officially surpassed what I qualify for in Unemployment, purely on freelance contracts. For those keeping score at home, I started this little adventure in earnest approximately 6 weeks ago.

Pardon me while I give myself a pat on the back. And a cookie.

Speaking of cookies, I hope you’ll come visit me at one of my newest gigs.

October 13, 2005 | Job? Huh?

First things first: Get your own delicious, dusty brains here.

Now that that’s out of the way, I thought you’d all like to share in the excitement that is today’s letter from my friendly neighborhood Unemployment Office. Remember all those fun “workshops” I get to go to? Well, they wanted to let me know that the wait for more thrill-a-minute instruction is almost over–I have been summoned to appear for a workshop on Interviewing on October 25th. Failure to appear may result in immediate termination of my benefits, as well as hair loss, cavities, and the inability to do anything other than drool on potential employers.

I know I’ve made fun of these things before, but I’m here to tell you that I repent. I do. I was thrilled to receive that notice today. Tickled, really.

Stop laughing. Don’t you believe me? I swear that I am absolutely, positively, 100% telling you the truth…
(more…)

October 1, 2005 | Job? Huh?

Today I foisted two sleep-deprived children upon their father so that I could spend some quality time freaking right the hell out about how much time I spent coughing and sleeping and generally NOT WORKING last week.

The girlchild was literally curled up in the corner when I arrived to fetch her at 9:00 this morning. Did you have a good time? Yes. Are you okay? Yes. Are you SURE? I… I… I’M TIIIIIIIIRED! It seems that the party was a smashing success, well through to 11:00 last night, but Chickadee was, shall we say, less than amused when the birthday girl chose to wake her up via tickling at 5:00 this morning.

My daughter is many wonderful things, but a morning person is not one of them. Neither is she someone who will function well on half her regular amount of sleep. Given the way she’s snarled at me some mornings, I was just pleased to hear that she hadn’t attacked the foolish girl who woke her up.

Monkey wasn’t quite so sleepy, but he did start jumping on my bed quite early this morning. Both kids were happy to spend the day lounging at Daddy’s. I returned home after dropping them off, expecting to work some and then take a nap. Haha!
(more…)