Life! Life, you so crazy. Or maybe you so normal and my coping skills are not. Hard to know. Maybe best not to dwell!
Various and sundry, because I am still suffering from the illusion that anyone gives a damn:
* School has been in session for about a month. Two excellent weeks at the beginning gave way to… reality. Reality kind of sucks.
* Speaking of school, I promised to share the poster grades once they were in, and I didn’t forget, this teacher is just a slow grader. Chickadee got a 100, Monkey got a 97. Both were pleased. (I may or may not have muttered “grade inflation” under my breath. Whatever.)
* So remember how my meaniepants doctor told me to lose 12 pounds and I was grumbling about that? The Cold Hard Truth and I had a conversation and—ever the overachiever—I decided I would set a goal of losing 15 pounds and Be Serious About It and Make Changes and all of that. Go me! I’ve lost 5 pounds. That’s good, except at the moment I’m completely stalled out because my feelings are DELICIOUS and napping is way more fulfilling than working out. I know what I need to do to lose the weight (eat less, exercise more; SCIENCE!), I am just… not doing it. I’ll just be over here, snacking on self-loathing.
* We are doing various medication dances for fun and profit. (Except, you know, not fun and there’s no profit. What?) Monkey went from being boy-sized to man-sized this summer, necessitating some pharmaceutical adjustments, which is fine. But! If I ever thought the period of time when my meds weren’t right was hard, PFFFT, I forgot how hard it is to watch one of my kids try to wrench their way out of anxiety’s grasp. (There have been some white knuckle days.)
* At the same time, Chickadee has discovered that yes, a booster dose of her ADHD med after school if she has band or something else is very helpful, so I went through the process of registering her ERMAGHERD CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE with the nurse’s office and filling out forms in triplicate and… she never remembers to go get a dose when she needs it… on account of she can’t remember shit like “medication helps” until she’s actually medicated. So. That worked out well!
* FURTHERMORE, because my kids do not have enough to deal with, it was recently discovered that Chickadee’s IEP is “unavailable” in the computer system at school for unknown reasons, which meant that the first time she opted to exercise one of her given accommodations her teacher had no idea what was going on or why, which is SUPER GREAT for a kid with anxiety, lemme tell you.
* And—who could’ve seen this one coming?—while Monkey’s IEP is available and calls for organizational help and “missing work” alerts to both student and parents, AND I have emailed all of his teachers on this particular topic specifically, AAAAAND have already had an extensive conversation with one teacher about how “if this is not implemented we will have a situation where he is getting 100s on tests but riding a C average because of his inability to turn on other work without support/reminders,” ODDLY ENOUGH we have a situation where there’s been no communication and he’s gotten 100s on all tests/quizzes but due to missing work has a C in the class. WEIRD. IF ONLY THERE WAS SOME WAY TO PREVENT THAT. It’s a puzzle.
* Licorice continues to be a Very Good Dog. Duncan continues to confirm my belief that Casa Mir is indeed a modern-day Island of Misfit Toys. He’s been with us for… coming up on a year? I guess? And the occasional maybe-a-seizure has been replaced with near-daily “events” where his back legs randomly stop working and he falls over and looks very confused and sorry and I end up doing things like spending an hour with him in my lap and letting him drink directly out of my water glass (soaking me, in the process) because hey, I am nothing if not devoted to pitiful creatures. He’s a sweet boy and thankfully he doesn’t seem to be in any pain when this happens, but it’s still a drag.
* So here’s the real thing: I am not feeling so hot these days and I honestly have no idea if it’s fixable. If I’m depressed “for no reason” that’s probably fixable. If I’m unable to meet my responsibilities due to depression, that’s probably fixable. If I am just feeling crummy because of a number of very real and shitty life circumstances BUT basically doing the stuff I need to do AND going to therapy and taking my meds, well… maybe that’s just life? Maybe I just need to find myself some of that “acceptance” I hear people talking about and move on? There’s a lot of good stuff in my life for which I am thankful, and there are still moments of joy I can grab onto here and there. But at the same time: grief, man. Grief is such a relentless asshole.
* Oh hey, THAT was cheery. Um. Rainbows! Sunshine! Bright futures (haaaaa)! Yep, I’m queen of the smooth segue. Uh, if you have high school kids, I’m going to be writing a periodic series for Alpha Mom about the college application process. The first post is up, discussing some of the things we’re already thinking about at the beginning of junior year, here, and I’ll fill in as we go. Let me know if you have specific questions, too, so I can cover in future posts. Standard caveats apply, like that I am not an expert (nor do I play one on TV) and this series may well end with the revelation that my child or children have dropped out of high school to pursue basket weaving. Who knows.