Well, it’s been a pretty wild weekend. Otto returns later today, and I still have some cleaning to do before he does. For example, I need to clear a path to the office, so that the DSL guys can come hook me up this afternoon.
Also, I need to hide the cookies. Oh! Wait—I already ate the cookies. Well, then! One less thing to do.
Honestly, I had big plans for my weekend, what with the BEING ALL ALONE for two whole days, but in the end I remained the uneventful bore that I am. The only difference, really, was that without Otto here, I was free to watch as many stupid programs on TLC as I wanted without him making fun of me. And I do loves me some TLC trainwreck programming, it’s true.
You know, there is some damn fine TV out there. It’s EDUCATIONAL, I keep telling him. But he’s not buying it.
For example, there’s Jon and Kate Plus Eight, wherein you get to watch the world’s most anal-retentive woman deal with 8 small children. This show is a hit, I’m convinced, because nearly every mother watching it gets to think “Yay, I don’t have that many kids! This is easy!” and also “Yay, I’m a lot nicer to my husband than she is, even when I’m sort of being a bitch!”
And then, of course, there’s Say Yes To The Dress, where everyone gets to enjoy watching spoiled princesses talk about how you really just cannot possibly put a price on happiness, and that’s why it’s totally okay that they are spending $12,000 on a gown that makes them look like a stuffed sausage with lace casing. That is quality television programming right there, I’m telling you.
(Although I do still prefer my wedding dress method, because I’m never going to tire of telling Otto’s brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law that I plan to wear MY WEDDING DRESS to their wedding. When you buy a cocktail dress off the rack at Nordstrom you can do that, whereas when you go on national television having a hissy fit at Kleinfeld’s, I’m thinking probably not. See how much more versatile mine is?)
I have also become totally obsessed with Mad Men, although Otto likes that one as well and so does not make fun of me when I watch it. Instead, we just talk about how you could make a damn fine drinking game with it if you had to drink every time someone on there lights a cigarette. And I discovered I had three episodes of it on the DVR, so I parked my lazy self on the couch and watched that for a while.
But, umm, I didn’t spend the ENTIRE weekend watching TV. Nope. On Saturday night I had some friends over, and it was a totally wild party. Yes. We, um, drank some wine and ate some snacks and talked about the PTA.
And then the police came and asked us to keep it down, you know, because things were really getting out of hand. Personally, I blame the crab dip.
Yesterday I decided to go TRULY nuts and went out shopping for a little while, as I live in a perpetual state of needing new clothes because every shopping trip is like the one I had yesterday—I spend a few hours browsing and trying things on and eventually come home with nothing. It’s a special talent. And despite having watched the requisite number of What Not To Wear episodes before I went, I still feel that if I go shopping for THREE HOURS I ought to be able to find something reasonable which 1) I can afford and 2) fits me properly. Sure, I could just go buying every single pair of pants I try on where the waist gaps out six inches and get them tailored, but I have this crazy idea that SOMEWHERE, SOMEONE is making pants that fit actual human women. It’s a little fantasy of mine.
The whole thing was so stressful, I had to come home and watch some more television. And then I stayed up too late because my body is not liking the clock change, and then I got up late because no one was here to force me up any earlier. Also, I slept in the very middle of the bed! Woooo!
Yep, I totally maximized my weekend of solitude. Hooboy.