October 31, 2007 | Retail Therapy, The Year of Living Changerously

You know what today is, right? No, no… not Halloween. I mean, yes, it IS Halloween, but that’s not what I’m talking about. OBVIOUSLY it’s Halloween, and I know that mostly because I spent three hours last night finishing Monkey’s costume, because I am nothing if not a champion procrastinator.

Today is the day our new dining room table and chairs are available for pick-up!

Oh, did I not mention that? About the dining room furniture? I totally meant to. I mean, inbetween NOT buying any furniture because THE MONEY, OH GOD THE MONEY and then HOORAY! IT’S ON SALE NOW! and this other big thing which was potentially going to cost a bunch of money and had me sulking around the house all I JUST DON’T GET TO HAVE ANYTHING NICE BECAUSE I’M A STUPID LOSER (yes, it IS hard being me, why do you ask?) and then that thing turning out to not happen—which sort of felt like FOUND MONEY—we then decided to buy the furniture and I totally meant to tell you about it. (more…)

October 30, 2007 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I feel like I’ve been writing about the kids a lot recently… like, more than usual. It’s almost as though this is… I don’t know… some sort of mommy blog or something. Huh.

On the one hand, I know. I KNOW. They are amazing and wonderful to ME, but every parent thinks their kids are awesome, and what makes me think mine are any better or more interesting or whatever than anyone else’s? I mean, PRIDEFUL MUCH?

On the other hand, my children are no strangers to MAKING MY HEAD EXPLODE, so when they’re being fantabulous I do feel like I’ve earned the right to share it with the world, you know, just to offset things like the stories about boogers. That’s our motto of parental pride around here, you know. “SO MUCH MORE THAN BOOGERS!” we chant around the dinner table. Go Team Mirspawn! WOOOOOO! (more…)

October 29, 2007 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony, It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

It’s not that I’m not a fan of the Red Sox, because OF COURSE I am a fan of the Red Sox. I find that down here in the south I am even MORE of a fan of the Red Sox because it rather feels like more of my identity is hinging on it, somehow; and so this has nothing to do with my love of the team, or even how it just never stops being funny to me to poke Otto and say, “Hey! There’s my favorite player, COCO CRISP! I bet he turns all chocolatey in milk!”

And I am delighted that they won the Series. Truly, I am. In fact, I would like to extend a very special, heart-felt thanks to them for sweeping it the way they did, because GOOD LORD I AM TOO OLD TO STAY UP THAT LATE NIGHT AFTER NIGHT. Honestly, the baseball, it is killing me. Er, was. Now I can go back to my normal geriatric schedule.

Not that I REALLY stayed up most of those nights, anyway. I would dutifully watch the first three hours or so with Otto out in the living room, and then a commercial would come and I’d suggest we get changed and watch the rest in bed. And then I’d fall asleep the second my head touched the pillow. (more…)

October 27, 2007 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony

Chickadee was invited to a (co-ed, if it matters) birthday party for today. Said party was taking place at a local campground. Because it was a camp-out.

Now, I will fully acknowledge that I am an over-protective mama, but I found this very, very weird. I don’t know this kid, and I don’t know his parents. And despite the fact that I regularly spent a MONTH at sleep-away camp every summer by the time I was 8, and these were 9- and 10-years-olds, I found a party invitation to go sleep in the woods bizarre.

The party was slated to begin at 4, and I RSVPed to the hosts letting them know that Chickadee would be delighted to come for the evening but would likely not sleep over. This prompted the mom to mail me back with a veritable resume of their camping expertise, I suppose to ease my mind that she’d be in good hands if I elected to let her stay. She also offered up a sleeping bag and a tent, as if perhaps she thought this was a decision born of a lack of proper camping equipment. (more…)

October 26, 2007 | Ottomatic For the People, The Year of Living Changerously

When Otto and I got married, he was a 36-year-old bachelor. He’d never been married, never lived with a woman. People would elbow me and cast meaningful glances in his direction while joking about how it would take me a while to “train him” (as if he were a puppy who would require frequent newspaper smacks on the nose to learn not to pee in the kitchen), and his friends would shake their heads sadly while telling him “Dude, life as you know it IS OVER.” And I had been on my own with the kids for over four years; we had our habits—such as they were—and bringing Otto in was sure to make for some difficult changes, we thought.

I am not going to sit here and tell you that it’s all been smooth sailing, because change is hard. Period. We’ve all had to adjust and that takes some doing, plus it just takes time for new routines to feel comfortable. So has it been a cakewalk? Of course not. Has it been the stressful calamity some predicted, ending with Otto fleeing from the house to the safety of the garage—where no one shrieks about being touched or poked or looked at, where cups aren’t left to put themselves in the sink, where everything is where he left it and no one needs to sit on his lap right this second? Really no. (more…)

October 25, 2007 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony, It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

So guess what I did this morning! Go on, GUESS!

I put on a sweater. Because I was COLD. Which is sort of newsworthy in and of itself, I suppose (it’s official: my blood has thinned), but that’s not what I wanted to tell you.

No, actually what I was referring to was the fact that today we had the long-awaited 504 meeting to “get things straightened out.”

I drove over to the school this morning with trepidation, bracing myself (and here I reveal my overwhelming geekiness, fair warning) with the rather soothing thought that even if the meeting didn’t go well, it would surely yield so much blog-worthy goodness that it would prove useful, either way. This steadied my nerves and I headed in ready to do battle. (more…)

October 24, 2007 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony, Detritus

Today is International Ask The Internet Day. Didn’t you know? Ask the internet, they’ll tell you. Or at the very least, I say so. Largely because my folks are leaving today and I would rather go spend their last few hours here with them than tell you all about how well, I was SUPPOSED to go for an MRI this morning, but my SUPER FANTASTIC HEALTH INSURANCE decided not to pay for it. So I decided not to go! I’ll show THEM! Because they’ll be SORRY when I’m DEAD!

Anyway.

Internet, my daughter’s fourth grade teacher responded to my “What can I do to help?” query by saying, “You seem like you’re a crafty type! We need some sort of holiday craft for the kids to do, something they’ll enjoy and that they can bring home as a gift for their parents. Got any ideas?” And when I finished laughing (me, the crafty type? has she MET me?) I said “I WOULD LOVE TO! LET ME GET BACK TO YOU! WHY AM I SHOUTING?” and then I ran away as fast as my not-at-all-crafty legs would take me.

So. I need a holiday-friendly (all holidays! especially Christmahanukwanzakah!) craft suitable for 9- and 10-year-olds that I can do with them in about an hour, where the materials won’t be too costly and I won’t want to chew off my own arm to escape during the actual, um, crafting. Ideas?

October 23, 2007 | Haven't been hit by lightning yet!

In our old town, at our old school, I confess that I never went to a single PTA meeting. Even though one of my very best friends was the PTA president. Hey, I was a single mom on a budget, and paying a sitter to go to a boring meeting just wasn’t very high on my list of priorities. I compromised; I did the newsletter for a while, so that I could say I was contributing. And really, there was an entire contingent of people who positively LIVED for the PTA, so it’s not like they needed me there.

(I do loves me some justification. Hooboy.)

Anyway, here in our new school, I’m more involved. Part of it is that I don’t need to get a sitter, and part of it is that I really want to know what’s happening here because this is a school with issues. Oh, and, um, I’m just a really spectacular mother! Whoops, there go my eyes again. (more…)

October 22, 2007 | The Year of Living Changerously

This weekend my dad and stepmom arrived for their first visit to our place here in Georgia. It’s been a long time since we last saw them, because we used to live within driving distance and now one has to be organized enough to make plane reservations, plus they recently spent the better part of a month in Australia because they love wallabies and echidnas more than me.

Not that I’m bitter.

Anyway, they showed up on Saturday afternoon and we were all very excited to see them, and also to give them the grand tour of our new digs. “Chickadee, why don’t you show Grandma and Grandpa your room since that’s where they’ll be sleeping,” I suggested. We all trooped upstairs to Chickadee’s room, whereupon Monkey had a fit because WE ALWAYS GO IN HER ROOM FIRST. (more…)

October 20, 2007 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony

My office is right off the garage. This exchange just took place through the door between me and them.

Me: Why don’t you guys leave Otto alone so he can finish getting your bikes ready?
Chickadee: We’re WATCHING!
Me: You’re not WATCHING, you’re HARANGUING him.
Chickadee: No we’re not!
Monkey: We are NOT strangling him, Mama!