I’d like it in small, unmarked bills

Today was utterly craptastic for a number of reasons, and as the day progressed it just continued getting more unbelievable and difficult, until finally I decided that for the next week I am not thinking about anything other than what color I might like to paint my nails.

Look, I’ve really never given being vapid a heartfelt shot. Maybe I’ll enjoy it.

You might be able to grasp the level of suckosity when I tell you that the LEAST heinous thing that happened today was that we got an offer on the house. And not just ANY offer, but a real humdinger. Yes. These generous folks wanted to give us twenty thousand dollars under our asking price, but at least they didn’t want to close for three months AND they wanted the whole shebang to be contingent on the sale of their home.

My knee-jerk response was to tell them to pound sand, but then I got a much more brilliant idea. My realtor was less amused, though, by my suggestion that he tell them we’d accept their asking price only if they would meet us in and hour at an undisclosed location with the money in a duffel bag.

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30 Responses to “I’d like it in small, unmarked bills”

  1. 1
    ChristieNY May 3, 2007 at 11:23 pm #

    You have GOT to be kidding me. Sorry sweetie. Things will look up. Hang in there! :)

  2. 2
    Anna May 3, 2007 at 11:51 pm #

    Shame on them, I bet they didn’t even take off their shoes when looked at your home.

  3. 3
    Felicia May 4, 2007 at 12:37 am #

    LOL Sounds like a perfectly reasonable idea based on the circumstances….haha

  4. 4
    Cele May 4, 2007 at 1:17 am #

    Your response was much more civil than mine would have been.

  5. 5
    Laura May 4, 2007 at 1:53 am #

    That’s awful. I’m sorry you had such a wretched day. I don’t think vapidity (did I just make up a word?) is going to suit you, but a week Paris Hilton-like pondering of polish might give be… refreshing. Maybe?

    And you should ask for the money in unrolled quarters, as long as they are being so accomodating. Bastards.

  6. 6
    Juliness May 4, 2007 at 7:09 am #

    Immediately begin looking for the Idiot Homing Device that has clearly been planted somewhere in your vicinity. Have Otto and the children help because it is an emergent situation and said device Must Be Destroyed.

    (Thinking of you sweetie!)

  7. 7
    Sara May 4, 2007 at 7:34 am #

    Bah! and Gah! and other words that shall not be mentioned here.

  8. 8
    Casey May 4, 2007 at 8:23 am #

    I’m sorry – but while they do suck look at it as a jumping off point. When my best friend was selling her house the people who eventually bought it first offered her $25K less than she was asking ( and this was after she had already decreased the price on her own) – she just laughted and sent back a more reasonable offer

  9. 9
    Casey May 4, 2007 at 8:23 am #

    *laughed – can’t spell this morning – need coffee

  10. 10
    meritt May 4, 2007 at 8:39 am #

    LOL… I’m not laughing at you… I’m laughing with you. Really, when things pile up around me and it’s insane and crazy sometimes all you can do is laugh. ;)

    So, did ya take the offer?

    *ducking so you don’t throw something at me*

    LOL.

  11. 11
    Bob May 4, 2007 at 8:50 am #

    a certain Steve Miller song comes to mind…….

  12. 12
    MomCat May 4, 2007 at 8:55 am #

    I’ve heard that selling one’s house is an ego destroyer…….can’t wait. :( Prayers! Time for house selling prayers!

  13. 13
    LadyBug Crossing May 4, 2007 at 9:15 am #

    Don’t get angry… Their offer isn’t a personal affront. They just want a bargain… Don’t we all??

    My offer on my old house (17 years ago) was $13K less than asking and they asked us to meet them in the middle. We did. Everyone was happy.

    Send them a counteroffer and tell them no contingencies.
    It can’t hurt to do that. They might just take it. Depends how much they want your house…
    xo
    LBC

  14. 14
    Jamie Lee May 4, 2007 at 9:28 am #

    If only all real estate deals could be handled with so little red tape.
    Sorry about your bad day.

  15. 15
    Ben May 4, 2007 at 9:46 am #

    We’re never selling our house. Ever. My kids will have to do it after I’m gone.

    I keep thinking of Dave Barry and some of his great lines about trying to show your home.

    “Who installed this paneling. Vandals?”

    Hang in there, it’ll get better. It has to!

  16. 16
    Genevieve May 4, 2007 at 10:09 am #

    I love your potential counteroffer! But still think you could send them a reasonable one, and who knows?

    But I hope it all improves hugely.
    And in two weeks? You’ll have been married to Otto for a week, and wedding planning will all be behind you, so you know things will be better then.

  17. 17
    Aimee May 4, 2007 at 10:12 am #

    Sorry ’bout the crapulosity.

  18. 18
    Erika, Plain Jane Mom May 4, 2007 at 10:13 am #

    AAAAAARRRRRGH! People like that are infuriating. “Hi, I’m the most important person in the world. You will bend to my will.”

  19. 19
    becky May 4, 2007 at 10:41 am #

    hey, i’m hoping that will open a flood of offers, since the first one was made. even if it was a low ball offer. i like the suggestion of a counter offer w/no contingencies. i hate contingency sales. they are a p.i.t.a.

    hmmm, i’ve never tried vapid either. i’m not sure i could respect myself in the morning, though. still, it’s tempting…

  20. 20
    Jon May 4, 2007 at 10:50 am #

    20,000 under…there isn’t even a reason to counter that offer…i mean, did these people think you were just 2 morons…

    - Jon
    - Daddy Detective
    - http://www.daddydetective.com

  21. 21
    BOSSY May 4, 2007 at 1:30 pm #

    Nothing wrong with contemplating nail colors. Of course you may need a frontal lobotomy…

  22. 22
    Nancy May 4, 2007 at 1:51 pm #

    Counter offer! They wouldn’t have offered if they weren’t interested. They’re probably just seeing what they can get away with, the punks.

  23. 23
    Dawn May 4, 2007 at 2:49 pm #

    Your realtor has no sense of adventure. Or humor.

  24. 24
    Heather May 4, 2007 at 3:09 pm #

    OMG 20,000 under they should take a flying leap in a rolling donut

  25. 25
    Peggy May 4, 2007 at 3:40 pm #

    well, my day yesterday actually IMPROVED when our office park was evacuated due to a bomb threat at another company here… At least it wasn’t raining.

  26. 26
    Dorothy May 4, 2007 at 4:34 pm #

    Today was brought to you by the word “fuck.”

  27. 27
    Throw in their first borne May 4, 2007 at 6:58 pm #

    you made me giggle-snort. how’s that for shallow responses to life’s struggles? hope tomorrow is a better day – and i’m with Nancy – you should have made a counter offer for their first borne.

  28. 28
    tuney. May 4, 2007 at 10:43 pm #

    I want you to know that I read your post just after lunch today, and at some point in the afternoon I was saying “craptastic” about every little nuisance. I couldn’t figure out why that word was in my head until I re-read your post tonight. My memory is just amazingly craptastic, apparently. Either that, or your subliminal skills are truly firghtening.

  29. 29
    Melanie May 5, 2007 at 12:18 am #

    Wow, that just happened to Lena at Cheeky Lotus, too. Weird. Homebuyers are getting a little cocky in this market, huh?

  30. 30
    Heidi May 5, 2007 at 9:24 am #

    Raise the price twenty thou and tell them you’ll meet them in the middle.

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