I tell you what: you think, when your kids are little, that when they’re bigger, it’ll be easier. HAHAHAHA. You look forward to self-sufficiency and assume it will magically appear in exactly the right proportions at the right time. This is because parenting damages your brain. When you’re dealing with a child who goes floppy and boneless when it’s time to put on their shoes, you imagine that someday they will make good, responsible decisions as a direct result of your calmly reiterating instructions for the tenth time and your remarkable restraint in not strangling them with their own shoelaces at that pivotal moment. You envision a day when that same child will race towards adulthood with glee.
Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
As they get older it only gets more complicated. You have to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, know when to “encourage” and when to back down, when to just go take a nap because an old country song is stuck in your head. It’s HARD.
Recent developments ’round here include me finally explaining to Monkey that we are going to stop pushing him to drive, but we’re also going to expect him to figure out how own transportation more often than not, and also I am finally ready to tell you about how we are the absolute meanest when it comes to summer employment. (Don’t worry, it has a mostly happy ending.)
“When you’re dealing with a child who goes floppy and boneless when it’s time to put on their shoes, you imagine that someday they will make good, responsible decisions as a direct result of your calmly reiterating instructions for the tenth time and your remarkable restraint in not strangling them with their own shoelaces at that pivotal moment.”
WAIT. ARE YOU SAYING THIS IS NOT WHAT WILL HAPPEN BECAUSE OMG TODDLERS.
Let me tell you – the problems aren’t the same, but 42 and 40 years olds are really not all that much easier. They just don’t live in your house, and you don’t get the day to day stuff!!!! But the problems can be HUGE!
Regarding rent, I read an inspiring story on Fark yesterday. The author graduated from high school and lived at home for a few years before starting college. His mean dad charged him $400 a month for rent and utilities. When he finally started college, he ran short of money and asked his dad to help with buying textbooks. Dad sent the money without any discussion. Son mentioned to mom how cool dad was being, and she said, “You lovable idiot, he’s just sending you the rent you paid. He saved it for you in a separate account.”
You’ve got this. With Chicadee’s other struggles, my parents’ approach wouldn’t work as well.
My folks started the “as long as you’re in our house you play by our rules” really early. Consequently, I started working as soon as I could, saving money from babysitting, lawn mowing, and finally working in the dime store in town. Full scholarship, so no $ from them for college. At 18 I had my own car, insurance, housing and rules! Yay.
Turns out though that their rules weren’t so restrictive after all.
Good job, mom. You’ve figured out how to let her find her own way while you hold the map. It will pay off, I promise.