By Mir
November 16, 2016

Hey. How are you?

I’ve been better. I’m guessing a lot of you feel the same. Maybe some of you don’t. I am mostly fighting a constant battle against waves of exhaustion and dread, and then doing super productive things like reminding myself that going onto social media makes me feel a little less alone BUT THEN I run into something that makes me hate everyone and I feel even worse, so I definitely shouldn’t do that; so I don’t, for like, maybe a whole hour, but then I do, and then everything is terrible all over again. Wow, I think, I should STOP DOING THAT THING THAT MAKES ME FEEL BAD. Yes. And then I open Twitter an hour later. (I’m not very smart.)

Rather than rehashing a lot of excellent and thoughtful takes on what’s happening in our world right now, I will just refer you to this post by my lovely friend Jean and leave it at that.

There were a few other things going on in my head before the election, too, and I’m trying to figure out how/what/when to talk about some of that, but it all pales in comparison and feels selfish and indulgent (um, hello, having a blaaaaahg) so I dunno. We’ll see. In the meantime I am working on finding pockets of normalcy, few and far between though they may be. Here’s One Good Thing: next week I get to have Chickadee home for almost the whole week! Just in case your college freshman is coming home and you, too, are desperately trying to figure out how to pretend the world is still normal, I wrote you a handy guide. Enjoy.


  1. diane

    1Hi. It’s good to see/hear from you.
    I know what you mean about social media. My Mom wasn’t speaking to me for about 2 days because of something political I reposted on Facebook (I didn’t even post it to the whole public, but because she is the “Conservative Elf on the Shelf” as my friend put it, she could see my activity and felt compelled to chastise me for it). I feel like I have to watch everything I do and say. I feel like not saying anything is wrong. I feel like talking about my cat or my niece is wrong. I reactivated my Twitter account and am mostly out there yelling into a hole and reposting things from Tammy Duckworth (love!!).
    We are so depressed in our house. Sunday night we were slumped into the couch, commenting on the fact we should probably eat but neither of us felt like eating. We ordered tacos at about 8pm.
    You are not alone. We are not alone. I guess that’s a good place to start.

  2. Kim

    I just shared Jane’s post – what a wonderful way of putting it. It’s the first thing I read that made sense to me. Thank you for steering me to it. And it is good to hear from you.
    Goddamn, this sucks.
    I keep looking for bright spots, so I’m off to AphaMom now…

  3. el-e-e

    SAME, with FB and Twitter!! “Don’t click to it again.”

    *clicks it again*

  4. StephLove

    I think your friend lives near me. One of my 10-year-old daughter’s friends– a biracial girl– attends the school where the graffiti was painted. And my 15-year-old son, with his whole English class, every single kid, walked out of class on Monday.

    These are scary times to be sure. But when I was doing laundry today I found a safety pin on my daughter’s turtleneck. I hadn’t noticed she was wearing it– it was her own idea to put it on. I almost cried when I saw it.

  5. Sarahd

    I feel the exact same way about social media right now and I’ve decided it’s probably the only way that is really okay, right now. I CAN’T turn completely away and just let all the shit happen without being aware but I CAN’T pay constant attention either. I’d go insane. So…I guess I’m just adding my “me too!” to everything you’ve said. Here’s hoping that some time soon we can start saying “It’s going to be okay” again. Maybe in four years?

  6. Karen

    What is there to say? Except finding someone like-minded, even someone I’ve never met, is soothing. And I do think that while we still can speak our minds, we should. And I will. And I have, on Twitter. When I’m not crying.

  7. Mom24_4evermom

    Lots of hugs. I’m a bit disconnected. I want to go to bed and pull the covers over my head for 4 years, alternatively I’m trying not to pay too much attention, not to think too much, because every time I convince myself it’s not that bad, HE does something that just makes me want to cry. Seriously.

  8. The Other Leanne

    This was a really good post, Mir, and I am right there with you. I can’t decide if social media is making me more anxious or less–and I wonder if *I* am doing the same to other people. It’s the most wide-reaching voice we all have right now. I’m trying to find the middle lane between hair-on-fire-outrage and dangerous complacency. While keeping a sense of humor in the face of something that doesn’t seem one bit funny. Easy-peasy.
    It’s not okay. It’s not going to be okay. But we will meet what comes…together.

  9. Karen

    I’m still in WTF JUST HAPPENED?? mode. And the WTF’s just keep coming! Bannon???? The swamp was not drained, it was drawn from.


  10. Mary K. in Rockport

    Going to social media is the ONLY place to go because seeing or hearing that man on TV makes my heart pound and my intestine knot.

  11. Marinella

    Mhh… I understand your grief. I am not even concerned by this election and yet, I am stunned.
    To think that your country, which is more or less calling the shots worldwide, is to be led by a muppet is sending shivers down my spine.

    I don’t know what puzzles me most: the fact that your country voted for a candidate of the far-right, or the fact that supposedly educated citizens could vote for a bling-bling magnate turned reality-tv host who talks nonsense.

    My country is electing a new president in about six months time. The good news is that a bling-bling billionaire and reality-tv star, who refuses to disclose his tax returns, and who doesn’t clearly explain by whom his private business will be run when he’s president, stands no chance at all as a candidate (I know… You probably thought so too…). The bad news is that we are no smarter than Americans, and hence, we could well end up with a president from the far-right. To look on the bright side of such a dreadful prospect, we’d finally have a female president for the first time in our history… Ironic, innit?

  12. Karen

    This election and its results are still hateful because Trump preached such hate. Clinton supporters like me are seriously upset and being told “he won – accept it” simply enrages me. He did not win. This election has caused a deep fissure in my family. I would comment more on that, but I did once in a place that I believed would not be seen by one and it was. There has been a marked increase in suicides are suicide attempt in the trans family here, and the calls to the Suicide Hotline have risen remarkedly.

    I read your friend’s blog. She stated what I feel so vividly. It is not OK. It won’t be OK. I take some hope in the fact that it seems Trump is realizing just what he has gotten himself into and there is no way he can do all the horrible things he espoused. But the fact remains he is surrounding himself with the most hateful people around. They will feed on one another, and God help us then.

    But I am so pleased you are tipping your toes back into the blog world. I have missed you. I haven’t managed that yet. I still have not posted anything on my blog because mine would become so full of hate.

    Our nation is in real trouble. All we can do at this point is carefully watch and make sure things stay “correct.:

  13. Chris

    I find no TV and twitter helps (I still look at facebook but only for happy kids, vacation photos etc)

    We will meet what comes. We are strong and we will rise above this one individual.

  14. Sandy

    I take a little comfort in the fact that Hillary is winning the popular vote and it’s probably killing him to see that. But I am scared about major decisions that he might make in the next 4 years and I can only pray that there’s some sane person there who will stop him from destroying the country.

  15. MH

    I have never been a particularly political person, and I don’t “do” social media except to read a few blogs I enjoy. I still believe that I can have the most influence in my own home, on the way I am raising my children. But I now feel compelled to speak up, “lean in”, be an “upstander and not a bystander” (as my 6th graders were taught) – I may have reacted strongly when a co-worker commented that you vote for a candidate’s politics and not their character. Why can intelligent people not see that his politics are so full of hate and so dangerous?
    I’m looking for suggestions for actions to take, and like-minded people to share them with. Thanks, Mir, for creating this community.

  16. Daisy

    I’m watching much less TV news, and I set myself a new social media policy. I will only share items that make me smile or laugh. I might click “like” on a politically minded post, but I won’t share it with my online world. Only smile-worthy posts deserve that.
    And then the upcoming secretary of Education was announced. Oh, dear. Oh, my.

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