Getting through a rough patch

Everything is fine. In the grand scheme, that is. Everyone’s basically okay, there’s nothing here we can’t handle, and yet… it’s been a hard week or two for various reasons. I’m finding that the interesting thing about being a family who’s weathered some Serious Shit is that when a problem crops up, you’d think (correction: I’D think) that we’d sort of go, “Oh hey, no biggie, we’ve handled WAY worse than this!”

The reality is that a problem crops up and everyone melts into a puddle of OH GOD NO NOT THIS AGAIN because emotions have a way of beating out rational thought, every time. It’s just plain hard, having someone you love hurting, and when it’s not an easy fix (or even, sometimes, an identifiable cause) and your family unit has spent so much of its life prostrate to emotional wreckage, problems can feel bigger than they are.

Oh, look. I just used a lot of words to say, “Don’t panic, we’re fine, but I can’t fix everything for everyone with a magic wand and that sucks.” This is totally different than your experience as a parent, I am sure. HAHAHA.

Anyway! In the midst of this I read a hundred different iterations of articles reporting on this new(ish) study about kids and religion and generosity, and as usual, I have some thoughts. I’m over at Alpha Mom wondering if I’ve failed my kids, because I spend an awful lot of time wondering if I’ve failed my kids. It’s my favorite hobby! (That word favorite may not mean what I’m using it to mean, here….)


  1. Asha Dornfest

    Sorry things are hard, Mir. I totally identify with that NOT AGAIN feeling. Sending love.

  2. Mary K. in Rockport

    Excellent, excellent, excellent post over on Alpha Mom. I’d like it in poster size!
    About your current challenges – I think we’ve talked about that stuff before.

  3. elizabeth

    Hope things get easier soon.

    I want to print out your Alpha Mom article in BIG, BOLD type and post in many, MANY places. We’re not big religious types at my house and I do wonder if my kids have missed something. Being in the south I have the feeling they get a good bit through osmosis with all the kids and teachers around them. (even in the “non-religious” public school system)

  4. Arnebya

    I’m sorry. Repeat situations suck. And that fear of failing the kids? Does it ever really go away? I know it’s largely manufactured in our own minds because really THEY’LL BE FINE, but that does not lessen it. It does not.

  5. suburbancorrespondent

    With us, we are always, “Well, this bad thing that is happening isn’t as bad as this REALLY BAD THING that happened 5 years ago, so we shouldn’t be stressed.” But that’s dumb, we are still stressed but in denial. It’s exhausting.

  6. Karen

    LOVE the post over at Alpha Mom – Yes yes and yes again. How about AMEN.

  7. Chris

    We have heathens too but in my defense I told my husband I would support his baptizing our kids as Catholics if he felt strongly but I wasn’t going to help because

    1) I am not catholic
    2) I am not baptized and don’t believe I am going to hell
    3) and I don’t believe in a god that would send innocent kids to hell because their parents didn’t do something

    Needless to say, I do most of the day to day parenting so by the time he got around to it 14 years later, he found out you aren’t allowed to baptize the kids at that age without them going through classes (something about informed consent but others will know better).

    Teenagers didn’t see religious classes as a priority so here we are. We did go to a wedding recently and I realize that I am not sure they know the Lord’s Prayer which is a bit embarrassing but I can teach them that if they decide they care.

    Hang in there!!!

  8. K

    Sorry to hear about the rough patch. That is hard. Sometimes I wonder (in our case) if there might be a seasonal component to the rough patches that pop up after months and months of smooth sailing. (But that also might just be my strange need to find a “cause” for the hard stuff, when in reality, life is just sometimes hard for no easily identifiable reason) Hang in there.

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