Parenting improperly since 1998

Hi! In case you were wondering about my status (I am just that important to you, I know), it is currently: Not Dead. That could change—though I don’t plan for it to—but despite my neglect of Internet word-vomiting of late, I’m still alive.

Let’s see; I’ve been on a streak of truly awesome child-rearing choices for the last month or so. There was the whole “Hello, Mrs. YOURKIDSMOM, but we are legally obligated to notify you when…” phone call from school one day, letting me know that when even a child with a documented lack of brain-to-mouth filter says something that sets off the DANGER WILL ROBINSON, LIABILITY BREWING detector, certain furious declarations must be Reported and Recorded and Handled. It was one of those seemed-like-a-much-bigger-deal-than-it-really-was kinds of things, but my kid was struggling and I felt guilty for not figuring out how bad it was sooner. We have since handled matters, I think, though excuse me while I go knock on everything wood within arm’s reach.

There was the “hey Mom, I have this weird lump here…” incident, complete with me being all, “Uhhuh, I see, that’s fascinating. Do you have a test tomorrow by any chance?” Fast forward: kiddo had to have surgery. Um. Oops? (Totally minor. Everything is fine! I mean, other than me feeling like a jackass, but that’s normal.)

Also no Thanksgiving break week would be complete without me totally neglecting my family in order to work a zillion hours a day on Want Not, so there was that, too. I am now making it up to my husband by spending our evenings binge-watching The Newsroom, which is what passes for romance ’round here. (I did not need to make it up to my children, as they didn’t notice or care that I was busy last week; or if they did, all those pies I made for them was enough of an apology. Hooray!)

That’s pretty much all you missed. Oh, also I never linked up my Alpha Mom post last week and now I’ve written one for this week. So! If you like, you can go back and read about why I hate the “best” gift for teens and then move on to what I’d like to tell new parents if there was any way for it not to sound annoying. Those posts and a buck will get you a crappy cup of coffee, by the way. You’re welcome!


  1. 12tequilas

    I used to believe that the Mommy Powers we get when the kids are born were enough to always correctly assess (I almost wrote “asses”) the kids’ medical complaints as Things to Be Addressed and Things to Ignore and They’ll Go Away, but now I know that here and there we can get it wrong. Because nothing can be *that* easy, right? Glad you’re all okay.

  2. Aimee

    Internet word-vomiting for the win!

  3. Mona

    I see your “insinuating-lump-that-is-a-real-thing-is-actually-attempt-to-cut-school” and raise you a “that-time-I-knocked-my-daughter-out-with-nail-polish-remover-fumes-while-she-was-taking-a-shower-and-then-accused-her-of-being-melodramatic”. Good parenting takes skill. Not everyone possesses this level of fabulosity. Your move. ;)

    • Mir

      I’m not worthy, Mona! I bow down to your superior skills!!

  4. lizneust

    I was home from college for spring break and there was this weird bump just above my right leg. It squished. When I told my dad about it, he said it sounded like a hernia “but girls don’t get those.” So I didn’t do anything about it until it started to hurt and got hard. Emergency hernia surgery was *not* how I expected to spend spring break.

  5. Laura


    I feel like I was nodding my head in agreement and understanding of your latest adventures a little too much..we may be living parallel lives. Hoping things get better for both of us.

  6. Brigitte

    You do your “improper” parenting the best! ;-)

  7. Daisy

    I hear you. That “no filter between brain and mouth” leads to unbelievable situations. Hugs to you and yours.

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