I’m over at Alpha Mom today, and I will spare you a long introduction and simply say that this is not the post I intended to write nor a subject I planned to address so directly, but with a high-profile suicide in the news, I didn’t know how to write about anything else.
It’s not a particularly cheery post. It may be uncomfortable to read or even triggering. I wish I could tell you that I had some sort of answer or formula and that suicide doesn’t have to touch any of us, but… we’re not immune, any of us. I could try to sugar-coat it, but that’s scary as hell, right? I think it is.
Suicide isn’t just other people’s problem. I don’t have any good answers. But I’m glad we’re talking about it—that’s a start.
My 13yo daughter is currently in the hospital for the second time due to depression, suicidal ideation and cutting. I can’t bear to read the stories about Robin Williams because I know how easily it could have been my family dealing with a death.
I’m so sorry to hear this. I emailed you.
Wow. Just so wow.
Hokgardner, I am so very sorry to hear about your struggles and your daughter’s terrible pain. I can see that your daughter has a caring Mom, and hope that she has a positive outcome.
Please know that you are not alone. My nephew went through a very difficult time at 19, was hospitalized when he was cutting, and needed months in a residential treatment program for depression and substance abuse. I am very happy to be able say that at 21, he is working, sober, and starting back at college.
Btw, Mir was helpful to me those few years ago. I hope that you find Mir’s kindness and support as comforting as I did.
Hokgardner, I’m so sorry that your daughter is struggling. My heart is with you and your family. I’m glad she’s getting help.
My 15 year old son first tried to kill himself at 11. He has been hospitalized 6 times for depression, suicidality, and self harm. When he was 12 he told us, quite matter-of-factly, that he would just wait until everyone was asleep. I feel like I have barely slept since then. In my house the knives are all kept in a lockbox. Cleaning supplies are in a locked cabinet. All medications, even OTC’s are in a safe. We got rid of all the ropes, extension cords, shoelaces. He was accepted to an inpatient program 3 weeks ago. I don’t know if he’ll ever be home.
My perspective about suicide has changed drastically over the years. As The Bloggess says, depression lies to you. It makes you think suicide is the right decision. Reading about Robin Williams has had an effect on me that I can’t even put into words. I can only say that I am sad.
Mir, reading your blog has made me feel much less alone the past few years and for that I thank you. If you ever doubt yourself for talking about Chickie, know that you have, at least, helped me.
Hey, lady. Check your email, please. xoxo
Because I am super bright I put my email address in wrong and I didn’t get your email. kpwalsh33, not walshkp33. My brain, it is melting.
To the previous posters, my heart breaks for all you are going through. I used to feel that suicide is selfish. On one hand I still do. Please don’t take that the wrong way. I believe it is, but I truly also understand that those who commit suicide don’t (and can’t) understand that others care. They don’t think anyone will miss them or even care if they are gone. They believe that if they were gone, everyone would be happier. I’ve been there, ready to end it all. A promise I made to my niece was the only thing that stopped me. I didn’t believe anyone would care if I was gone. I was hurting so bad, and truly believed that no one cared. Over 25 years later, I still struggle with depression at times, but no where near what I went through then. For me it got better, I hope and pray that it does for all of your loved ones.
The comments here and on Alpha Mom show me one certain thing: you’re not alone. My son has threatened suicide, and I think the only thing that stopped him at the time was that he did not have a means by which to do it. Meanwhile, I was dealing with a student who attempted twice by the end of grade six. GRADE SIX! She was 12! My solution? There really isn’t a solution. I keep taking any training available because as mom and as teacher, I have been faced with the challenge of helping young people in pain.
I won’t even start on my own depression.