This summer kind of flew by with a great sucking *WOOOOOOOSH*, and I don’t know how it happened. I mean, I do—we went on a trip, then Monkey went on a trip, and Otto went on a few trips, and for the first time in forever I had One Giant Job rather than Lots O Little Jobs, and Duncan kept acting like he was dying and had to have surgery, and then there was band camp, and POOF: summer’s over. It was just… weird. It kind of makes me long for those days when summer seemed to drag on and on and I did a little jig when the kids headed back to school, because there’s just no pleasing me.
We never even went camping, this year. There was no time. Every now and then I catch Otto staring longingly out back at the camping trailer. I usually say something understanding and supportive like, “Thinking of hitching up and leaving us?” (Before you ask: No, I don’t know why he puts up with me. It’s a mystery.)
The point is, summer shot past and it seemed like we’d be back to the normal school-year grind without any excitement at all. BUT NO! I was working along, minding my own business, when one day last week I pushed back from my desk to go take a shower. I do that, sometimes. My family appreciates it. Anyway, off I went, and when I returned (clean and fresh-smelling!), I had missed a call and the answering machine was blinking at me. Also, my cell phone said I’d missed a call and had a voicemail. Hrm.
Both messages were from the Discover Card Fraud Alert center.
[Sidebar: Does anyone else think I should develop a “our Discover cards were compromised AGAIN!” graphic especially for these posts? Seems like that may be appropriate. Three years ago I had a weird salad fetish, a year and a half ago Otto was hustled by someone who really likes Lands’ End, and a short eight months ago I apparently wanted a new iPad. I do love that Discover is always on top of this stuff, but… c’mon. This is getting silly.]
Anyway, I called back, and this takes you to an automated system which cheerfully declares they’ve noticed some “unusual activity” on your account, and could you please verify some recent purchases? I pushed the required buttons and confirmed that yes, I had spent $10 at Amazon, sure, I’d spent $100 on groceries, and HEY NOW, actually, no, I didn’t spend $300 at Walmart.
This got me transferred to a human, whereupon I was asked to explain exactly how I had not spent that money at Walmart (???). “Well, for starters, I don’t shop at Walmart,” I offered, somewhat bewildered. The rep filled in some details for me, which made it even easier. “And, um, for another thing, you just told me the order happened right before you called me, while I was in the shower. No, no one else in my house could’ve placed it. No, I would not have ordered a crappy generic television and scheduled it for pick-up at a Walmart three hours from my house.”
I was transferred to the Dispute Department (different from the Fraud Department, evidently), and… they hung up on me. I called back and went through the automated menu again (perhaps yelling at the phone NO I DID NOT MAKE THAT PURCHASE AT WALMART THANKS) and this time was connected to a very kind person who did not ask me to defend my non-purchase. All was taken care of in just a few minutes, except that of course now I am without a Discover Card until my new one arrives, and I have all sorts of automatic billing going to that card, much of which I will not remember until I start getting nastygrams about how the charges failed to go through. FUN!
And here I was worried that we wouldn’t have any excitement this summer. Pfffft.
[Part 2 shall be even MORE riveting, because the only thing more interesting than listening to me whine about how often my credit card is stolen is hearing all about what snacks I bought at Costco. Right?? (Don’t answer that.)]