By Mir
June 26, 2012

I’m trying to keep up with my garden, but I keep stumbling across zucchinis that managed to hide until this happened:

It’s good, I guess, because once they’re that big the only thing they’re good for is baking, and that means every time someone takes Monkey for us while we go Tend To Things, they get a bonus bag of zucchini muffins.

Our lives may be completely upside down, but dammit, if you’re part of our village, you’re getting some goddamn baked goods.


  1. Jill W.

    My what big zucchini you have…

  2. Jen H.

    Ah. You have a good village. And baking can be therapeutic, right? Hugs all around–we’re keeping you in our thoughts!

  3. Mar H

    I’ll take some of your zucchini muffins – and your zucchini! I tried growing some last year, it had beautiful blossoms – and then it got some sort of wilt and the whole plant just died. This summer I am on bedrest and trying to figure out how to continue to feed everyone healthful stuff.
    I’m glad you have baking therapy and a helpful village.

  4. Lori N

    Villages run on baked goods. :)

  5. Arnebya

    I got nothin’ other than, “DAMN!”.

  6. suburbancorrespondent

    Zucchinis are sort of frightening, that way. I suppose that they would be the only living thing (aside from cockroaches) to survive a nuclear holocaust. And it would serve those cockroaches right.

  7. liv

    Goddamn baked goods are my favorite. :)

  8. BethRD

    Plus, if you need to express frustration, you could club something with a giant zucchini.

  9. liz

    BethRD beat me to what I was gonna say which was, if Roald Dahl had seen that zucchini, Lamb to the Slaughter would have been called SQUASH!

  10. Liza

    The last time I made zucchini bread, the only oil I could find was a random bottle of blood-orange infused olive oil. I may never make baked goods without it again. (If you’re looking to change things up at all.)

    Good luck with all the tending. Especially of the growing humans.

  11. Kate

    We like to mix mayo and parm cheese and spread it in big giant zucchini rounds and then back at 350* until the mayo mix is browned. Delish!
    Funny – our zukes are huge is year and our ‘maters are small.
    Thinking of you all the time dear Mir!!

  12. Kate

    Spread it ON the rounds and BAKE at 350*
    Gotta quit doing this is in bed!! Oy!

  13. RuthWells

    Holy zucchini, batman! Baked goods are always a good idea. Hugs.

  14. Tracy

    It’s a huge beauty. Usually, they aren’t as pretty that big! Bake on!!!!

  15. Donna

    In New Jersey, we lock our car doors in the summer to prevent anonymous zucchini drop offs….but no one ever tood the time to make them into muffins first! Go Mir!

  16. Mandy


    You are awesome and we all love you.

  17. picklemommy

    First prize: your delicious muffins!
    Second prize: leaving behind zucchini baseballs for Monkey and friends.

    If baking keeps you sane, then go to it-
    just leaped into the gluten free world and baking is more than I can imagine….

    And, in case no one has told you today, you are pretty and smart, and really more of a dream-boat mommy than anyone could ever hope for. Even when the taking care of things just stinks. And then stinks some more.

  18. addy

    I don’t think they are supposed to be that big ………………
    But hey any muffin must be a good muffin. Bake on!

  19. Summer

    I can see how they would be “goddamn baked goods” to a gluten-intolerant baker.

    I’ve also heard rumors of chocolate zucchini cake, perhaps that would be a nicely distracting experiment….

  20. Lindsey

    Hurray for zucchinis and having a village for support.

  21. Megan

    Oh! I just learned this trick ’cause a friend was diagnosed with diabetes and needs to watch carbs – cut your zucchini into pasta-like strips and then give it a quick steam in the micro (w/ salt, pepper and parm if you like) and use as a spaghetti substitute! It’s faster than making pasta, tastes great AND is healthy.

    Also a zucchini of such impressive girth could probably feed a whole village and then some!

  22. Heather

    Along the lines of #22 Megan, only much lazier, I recently grated zukes with my food processor, put a tbs or 2 of water in a baking pan with the shreds, covered with foil and baked at 350 for 30 mins for a great pasta substitute. And, bonus, the leftovers will go well in baked goods requiring grated zuke! Thought that would be helpful for you since you are g-free.

  23. Liz

    I was going to suggest using it as a club, but someone beat me to it (buh-dum-bum) keeping you and yours in my prayers.

  24. Aimee

    Lots of other people beat me to the “use it as a club” joke, but I think that’s a solid suggestion. Getting hit with that sucker would HURT. Save it for someone who’s really giving you a hard time.

    I am so intrigued by Liza’s mention of using blood orange-infused olive oil for baking. That seems like it would be really delicious!

  25. g~

    Do you need any errands run? Because I think I now need some zucchini bread. I do live in your neck of Georgia.

  26. Leanner

    One summer we had a vegetable garden and were often shocked by giant zucchini that no one saw prior to their giganticness. Besides doing all of the previously mentioned things, we found that our German Shepherd loved to play with them. She’d grab on with her teeth at one end and fling it through the back yard. This may not have been the most productive use of them, but it was certainly the most entertaining. Maybe Licorice would oblige you guys providing some much needed comic relief. 😂

    Your entire family remain in my prayers.

  27. TC

    Is that a zucchini in your pocket or are you just…Whoops. Inappropriate!

    Why are zucchinis that big only good for baked goods? Do they lose flavor?

  28. Karen

    Do I dare to be so bold as to ask for that recipe?…. You can also make awesome stuffed zucchini with the ones that are that size. You basically scoop out the guts and use the remaing ‘boat’ to stuff with.. I make a rice, breadcrumb(glutenfree!) seasonings parmesan cheese stuffing.

  29. Karen

    Um, then ofcourse you BAKE the stuffed zucchini at 350 until tender.

  30. Heather

    I haven’t been out in my garden for a bit…that’s a pretty impressive zucchini ;) I bet you make really good muffins…(i obviously am at a loss for anything intelligent to say…but hi, wishing you good things!)

  31. deva at deva by definition

    I am very impressed by your gigantic zucchini. Ours are teeeeeeeeeny little things. We have maybe two ready for picking…I’m eagerly awaiting the zucchini explosion (did I mention my fiance planted four zucchini plants and I’ve counted 10 zucchinis so far?) for baked goods. My freezer may not be able to handle it though.

  32. Jenn

    A friend just posted a recipe for Benedictine (a cucumber dip) wonder what would happen if you were to substitute zucchini…

    I have this vague memory that you once posted a recipe to a gluten free zucchini bread. I trird searching for it but couldnt find it. Was I imagining that or could you help me find it?

  33. Jen

    And when you’re done baking, you can beat someone senseless with them. Actually, that’s my favorite use of zucchini.

  34. Valerie

    What? You can still grow edible produce? Shit! My garden turned tribute to native wildlife two years ago, except for the mutant basil that took over even the weeds. Impressive, most impressive.

  35. victoria

    If you like variations, I have a zuccini bread recipe which calls for crushed pinapple and cinamon. I’m sure you can just add them to your favourite recipe :)
    Also, will trade zuccinis for fresh blueberries ;)

  36. Amy Bliss

    Grill it! Grill any and all veggies.

    Do it!


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