I’m feeling all vulnerable and naked and stuff, and even though you were super nice about it (you’re my favorite, have I mentioned?), I feel the need to change the subject.
Unfortunately, I’m not all that smart, so I’m going to change the subject from “ZOMG THIS SUCKS AND WE ARE ALL SAD” to “HEY GIRLS SOMETIMES HURT MY FEELINGS.” This is… only a slight improvement. And the funny part is that it grew out of a conversation had while camping, when I was feeling perfectly relaxed and calm and happy and not like the world’s worst mother OR like all women are bitches. Huh.
Anyway, if you could also use the distraction, my thoughts are over at Off Our Chests. My delicate flower, easily wounded thoughts. I’m off to procure a fainting couch.
I’m going to comment on this site because the Off Our Chests site does crazy things on my computer…anyway, I generally deal with people more like a man, I think. I’ve never in my whole life understood the drama and intrigue that went on with my female friends, and I’ve had female friends do things to me like you described, ever since I can remember. I try to find women friends who don’t act that way, and I currently have about a handful of women that I actually think of as friends, and not just acquaintances. I, too, have just dropped friends without explanation because they were toxic, and didn’t feel that I needed to justify the action to them, either because they wouldn’t understand anyway or it would just make additional drama without any resolution. I have tried to rationally and calmly discuss issues with a few friends who had problems with me and that did NOT work. It’s as though they were incapable of calm, rational thought and just went off on an emotionally driven tirade and didn’t even hear what I was trying to say. I envy my husband, who also has friends that have been around since junior high, but he has also had his share of drama with some friends…although it’s usually because of their wives!! LOL I just told my husband recently that I’ve given up on having any real female friends. Every time I think I’m really true friends with someone, to the point where I could share my true feelings/emotions with that person, something happens that proves that I should definitely not put myself in a vulnerable position with that person. Oh well, maybe one day.
This whole topic is a lot of the reason why I joined the drumline in high school after much female friend drama in elementary and middle school. I MUCH preferred hanging out with guys, it was just. . .simpler. (Although it did cause angst in a way, because I never got asked out on dates or anything until college, because I was always seen as “One of the guys.” There was one infamous event where my senior year I went to the homecoming dance, dressed up to the nines, and one of the drumline guys said, verbatim, “Dude, Meghann, you look like. . . .a GIRL.”)
I think even as an adult, I prefer hanging out with the guys, although I’ve then run into the issue that their wives think I have an agenda. So, I have a hard time with making and keeping friends as an adult. Sigh.
I feel so bad…. that I find it both amusing and sad that many commentors here and at OOC find having male friends to be preferable in the ‘less drama’ area. And that almost all of them say that a friendship in itself causes drama with the wives / female SO’s of the men in question.
Today our local PTA included information about the Kind Campaign and information about a viewing of the movie. I think this movie supports your experience (yes, it is girls/women) and even has an approach to help resolve it in the future. I am not familiar with the movie, but it’s something I will be learning more about! The website is: http://www.kindcampaign.com
I can say this because I work with nothing but men, MEN can be just as catty with ALOT more drama. Just sayin’. :)
I think our generation (and many before) was told to be nice to everyone… and if you’re nice, people will be your friend.
I agree with the “be nice to everyone”, but we should teaach our girls to pick their friends wisely. Not everyone needs to be a “friend”. And I think that among the myriad of “friends” is where one will find the not-real-friendships.
Friends will protect their frienships. The betrayal comes from those “not-real-friends”, who have nothing invested in the friendship.
Do I have shallow friendships with people in my circle of acquaintances? Absolutely. But these are not the folks I call at 2AM for advice or heartaches.