Insert uplifting conclusion here

By Mir
October 31, 2011

Have I mentioned lately how much I like all of you? Because I do. You’re a lovely bunch of super nice people I would like to have over for a party on my deck. I mean, once there’s actually guardrails and stairs, and stuff. Probably I would only be serving Chex Mix I got on clearance and three buck chuck from Trader Joe’s, but the LOVE, man, THE LOVE IN THE AIR would make it a party.

This is the part where I tell you that everything worked out splendidly. Life turned right around and all is flowers and sunshine. Wouldn’t that be great? But… yeah. No. We did, however, go out Friday night and listen to some great music and drink wine out of plastic cups (fancy!) and generally have a nice evening. So that was lovely.

Of course, it was raining pretty hard so the marching band left their away game early, and we were still out when Chickadee texted us that she was back at the high school and needed a ride. Because we’re responsible parents, I texted back that she should find someone else to give her a ride home. And you know what? She did.

Just when I was thinking that she was growing up and being mature and realized we really needed this date night out, the pestering began. The second half of our evening was punctuated with entertaining texts from the homestead, which was actually kind of endearing. I mean, they started out that way, anyway.
When are you coming home? I miss you.
The dog is crying for you. She misses you, too.
I had a big cup of coffee and I’m not tired at all, can I stay up until you get home?

Otto told her to put the candy back, so a few minutes later we got:
Why girl throw up on top of fridge? I can’t reach it. Come home soon! Love, Your Awesome Dog.

When I inquired as to how the dog was typing with no thumbs?
Using my tongue. Nom nom.

All part of the romance of the evening, I guess. All in all, not a bad night.

The rest of the weekend was sort of a blur. While I complain about Science Fair taking over our lives every year, this year it’s also taken over my bathtub. Every time I see the chiropractor she suggests I have a nice long soak in the tub with some Epsom Salts, and every time I sort of say, “Oh, yeah, that’s a good idea” and then I never do it because… who has time for that? But now the next time she brings it up I can say “Oh, I can’t do that. MY TUB IS FULL OF ZOOPLANKTON.” And that will be true. (Yeah, it’s in jars. Under a big grow light. Still, I don’t really want to bathe with them.)

Highlights leading up to the tub full of specimens include Otto getting to go to Ye Olde Home Improvement Store and ask for help on building the light. (When the guy asked what he was trying to do, my darling, upstanding husband told him we’re building an indoor grow house. AWESOME.) Also, Chickadee and I made a run to a local lake where it’s unclear if we were actually allowed to remove the water we did, so while laying on a dock dunking collection containers into the water below, I asked her to outline her procedures for me, and we decided that “Step 1: Drive to lake, Step 2: Hang off the dock to collect your water, Step 3: Run from the police” was probably going to need a little creative editing before she put it in her log book.

Monkey, meanwhile, was delightful all weekend except when he wasn’t, which just goes to show that Super Giant Meltdowns can strike at any time, really, and that’s just how it is right now. So… yeah.

Last night I made delicious soup for dinner that Monkey loved the last time I made it, and this time he didn’t like it. Also, while I was cooking, somehow an entire gallon of orange juice “fell” out of the fridge and I kept having to yell at Chickadee to move her collection jars and pipettes and other materials OFF THE KITCHEN COUNTER because I didn’t want any lake water in our soup. (But late last night we watched The Next Iron Chef on Food Network and during the challenge someone made a stew with lake water, to which I—having seen what it is that lives in that stuff—can only say BLEARGH.) Eventually dinner was over and children were in bed and the kitchen looked like a tornado had hit it and I was still tired and cranky, but it was okay.

I mean, it mostly is okay.

I think that any time I have trouble remembering that, I’m going to wrestle Licorice into her Halloween costume. (Better pics courtesy of Otto, tomorrow. Today, you get me pinning her down on the bed and shoving my phone in her face. Heh.) SHE LOVES IT.


  1. Kelly

    Oh my gosh that is hysterical. I needed that. Thanks Licorice.

  2. Varda (SquashedMom)

    That sounds just like my week, every week. The details are different, but yeah, total mix of the good, the bad, and the (autism/ADD) ugly. Sort of random like.

    And some weeks I roll with the punches and others I feel flattened by the steam roller. It helps to have awesome kids (like we both do), so when they’re driving us to the nuthouse we can repeat under our breaths: “they are so wonderful, so wonderful when they’re not awful.”

    Hoping your Halloween is fantastic!

  3. Nelson's Mama

    Red solo cups for our wine? Sorry, but that song makes me laugh…I just cannot help it!

  4. Ani

    So what’s her costume? Rally sqruirrel?

  5. Jenn C.

    Wait, is that a squirrel? Did you make your terrier type dog into a squirrel for Halloween? That is AWESOME.

    Also, we have the very same comforter cover in my house! How random!

  6. Javamom

    That pooch of yours must be related to our part-time Molly-dog…LOL

  7. MamaChristy

    I thought the same thing about the lake water on the show last night – it looked anything but pure to ME. So glad to know that you and I are both *living on the bleeding edge of excitement* on a Sunday night.

  8. RuthWells

    Your kids make me laugh. Hug them for me.

  9. Karen

    You made her the thing she despizes most?… lolol…..

  10. Katherine

    I made my kid do his science fair project up at his dad’s high school lab. Because it involves fungi and rabbit dung. Rabbit dung! No way is that going to be growing things in my kitchen! Of course, stupid fungi didn’t grow the first time, so we had to get them to send us new rabbit dung and fungi, just so we can prolong the fun of science fair.

  11. mamaspeak

    Chickee cracks me up. This means, that it is very likely both my girls will do this exact same thing to me. I will probably turn the phone off tho, bc I’m competing for mom of the year and all. I wish I had something witty or wise to say about Monkey, but I’m afraid I don’t. And boys sort of terrify me, bc I only have girls. The best I’ve got is, to remember they get hormonal too.

    I would love to come have a love-fest on your deck, and you are certainly welcome to join us on our deck at ANT time of the year. (It’s covered AND we have an outdoor heater. Plus in Nor Cal = no bugs!) But it’s $2 Chuck out here, which makes me think you’re getting ripped off. Also, I like to turn it into Mulled Wine or Sangria, depending on the outdoor temperature, and bc I’m FANCY.

    I don’t to sound too stalker-ish, so I won’t mention that you’re welcome to use our bathtub anytime. (We’re shower people anyway.) ;-)


  12. Scottsdale Girl

    I always have to take a shower after a bath. So, no baths for me.

    Licorice is adorbzzz!

    Chickie is funny! I hope I was that funny when I was her age. I must have done something right because HI I AM STILL HERE.

    Wine in plastic cups is the BEST, no chance of my clumsiness taking over – well LESS of a chance. Tall glass on a skinny stem? Bad idea

  13. ben

    You have an awesome kid there. Kids. Multiple. I’m counting the dog. Really, really.

  14. Jill

    Love it! Your blog is hilarious. Sadly, I am too dmi-witted to know how to subscribe to it… any tips? I looked for a ‘subscribe’ button and couldn’t find it. Help!

  15. Jill

    and before you go searching the Wikipedia Guide to texting abbreviations, dmi-witted was meant to be “dim-witted.” That is a new low in typos, even for me. Sorry.

  16. Kathy

    Science Fair! Oh Lordy! Thanks for bringing THAT up!!

  17. Stimey

    Oh my God, the dog. Alex and dressed our dog up as a clown once. It was awesome. She was extremely concerned every single minute that the costume was on her.

    You all are a busy family. I love it that Otto was all, “So how exactly do I build an indoor grow house and when can I expect the police raid?” Between that and the stealing of water, you all are living on the edge.

    Sometime life entertains, right?

  18. eileen

    red solo cup, I’ll fill you up, let’s have a party,proceed to party! now, try to get that one out of your brain! thanks for the chuckle, oh damn, doorbell, why do we hand ut candy again?

  19. Julie

    best. picture. ever. Love that sweet dog’s face.

  20. Megan

    Dog costume – I’m guessing brain-sucking koala. If I’m right do I get a plastic cup of wine and some chex mix? They’ll go well with the left-over halloween candy I’m planning on serving up as hors d’oeuvres at my next party.

  21. Hope

    Very Shirley Jackson (her memoir of raising kids, not The Lottery.) I enjoyed reading about your controlled chaos.

  22. Brigitte

    No fish camp for YOU! All our cooking (and hot beverage) water comes from the lake when we camp. Extra flavorful, mmmm! ;-)

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