Two (not so) deep thoughts

By Mir
February 8, 2011
Category Detritus

1) In honor of the Super Bowl, I not only made Stephanie’s crock pot spinach and artichoke dip (which is, truly, one of my favorite ways to evoke a cheesegasm), I bought my family a fresh-baked loaf of pumpernickel bread to eat it with. (I ate tortilla chips and veggies.) For the most part, eschewing wheat is now so much a part of my life that I barely even miss it, but for some ready, TODAY that half-eaten loaf of pumpernickel is TAUNTING me. It’s almost unbearable. And I have no idea why. To make matters worse, an unbidden voice that sounds a lot like a bad parody of Freud keeps asking me what the pumpernickel REPRESENTS. Sheesh.

2) While quickly checking through my spam comments to make sure I wasn’t deleting anything that wasn’t actually spam, I came across one where the comment was “Blogging is pure vanity.” Of course, the spam link was for… increasing your seminal volume. Um, at least MY vanity doesn’t make a mess, dude.

(You’re welcome.)


  1. meghann

    I haven’t consumed enough caffeine yet to have read those last few lines.

    Why is that even a thing? I’m kind of gagging, now. I mean, I like sex as much as the next person, but. . . ew.

  2. Arina

    Bwahahaha. Thanks for the laugh.

  3. Em

    Really? Is VOLUME something guys concern themselves with? Really? Also, thank you for placing the cheese dip anecdote first. I, for one, appreciate it.

  4. hollygee

    When I’ve inadvertently eaten gluten, I crave carbs. I crave FOOD, but carbs the most.

  5. JennyM


  6. Angela

    LOL – Volume! Maybe if you’re trying to conceive……or starring in a porno flick??? Yeah…EWWW

  7. Karen


  8. Tracy B

    That, my dear, is the funniest thing you’ve blogged yet. LOL And just when I needed to laugh. (I’m going to get fired if you keep this up)

  9. Karen

    You know, my LOL comment looks.. phalic. Ick. not my intention.

    Now I’m really rolling….

  10. Tenessa

    I love unexpected little tidbits that make me laugh out loud. Thank you!

  11. Aimee

    You know, I gotta say that on the whole, I’m glad I’m a woman and not a man. It’s bad enough they have to worry about size and spend so much time wondering how to make things bigger than they are, but now VOLUME is a concern, too? Jeez.

  12. Bonnie B. Banner

    Hello. I hope you read Dilbert today.

  13. Heather

    First CHEESEGASM and then messy “vanity”? I don’t know whether to die of laughter or of *squicked out*. :P

  14. Headless Mom

    hahahahahaha! I needed that.

  15. Another Dawn

    Believe us, dudes. Volume AIN’T what we’re lookin’ for. I’m just sayin’…

  16. Debra

    Does increased volume increase a guy’s pleasure at the “special” moment? Make it last longer perhaps?

    I’m with Em, thank you for talking about cheese dip first before you talked about “volume.”

    But now thanks to you there are thoughts and pictures in my head that just should not be there.

  17. Karate Mom

    I think I want to have a “cheesegasm”! (Was that too much info?) I’m going to have to make that recipe!
    And, to the second….EW!

  18. Debbi

    HAAA!!! That was hysterical!!

  19. Megan

    Do you realize how difficult it is to comment properly after that? I have now deleted THREE comments due to unintended double entendre. Had it been intentional, of course…

  20. Ruth Tyger

    That was too funny, I am going through the same when I delete the spam. I wonder how many of them actually think will get published on my site…LOL But I have not come across that one yet. Thanks for the good laugh.

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