You’ll have to forgive me for being a little bit giddy, today. My children are away. My husband is away. I’ve had the ENTIRE DAY to myself and I hardly knew what to do first. I ended up going “out for coffee” quickly… you know, for nearly three hours. Can’t do that when the family is around! And then I went to Goodwill, with all the other party animals. And finally, I’ve spent some serious quality time petting the dog, doing laundry, and catching up on America’s Next Top Model. (Spoiler alert! Jaslene won cycle 8! I had no idea. Even though they’re on… what… cycle 15?) (It’s like I just emerged from my cave, blinking into the sunlight.)
The point is, when my mind is idle like this, I really can’t be held responsible for my thoughts, you know. I’m pretty sure that’s a law.
Which is why it seemed like a perfect time to go poking around in my visitor logs, just so that I could bask in the narcissistic glow of my far-reaching wisdom. I mean, people are coming here for solutions to serious issues. And I never, ever let them down. Because I’m a giver that way.
Also, it’s going to be a while before I find out who won ANTM in cycle 9, and I needed a giggle in the meantime.
You searched for: lysol grass
I can tell you that: Grass is not one of the current Lysol scents. Because that would be weird. Or did you want to spray Lysol ON the grass? Because that would be even weirder.
You searched for: lysol and dogs
I can tell you that: Lysol doesn’t come in dog scent, either. And if you’re spraying Lysol on your dogs I kind of want to come over there and “clean your teeth” for you. I’ll do it JUST LIKE Licorice’s vet did, okay?
You searched for: very tired when stoned
I can tell you that: That sounds like a personal problem. (I’m not sure how this leads you here, by the way. For a minute I thought maybe I had a more interesting past than I remembered.)
You searched for: maryland hoppy bugs
I can tell you that: I have never lived in Maryland, and I pretty much hate all bugs. Even though “hoppy” ones sound kind of cheerful.
You searched for: lucky jeans costco real
I can tell you that: ZOMG DOES COSTCO CARRY LUCKYS??? (I don’t have a local Costco. Still bitter.)
You searched for: gluten free sleepover
I can tell you that: Those are SUPER complicated. When Chickadee’s BFF (who has Celiac) is here, it’s really kind of awful. I mean, any other time, we all just roll around in pretzels and fill the pool with cupcakes. When she’s here we have to find something else to do. SUCH a bummer.
You searched for: intermittent beeping house help
I can tell you that: I feel your pain, and you are not imagining it. Unless you’re crazy.
You searched for: rock do it rock do it i like a star
I can tell you that: Oooooooookay…?
You searched for: squirrel eating deck
I can tell you that: You too??? Stupid squirrels.
You searched for: font of information
I can tell you that: You found me! And I’m humble, too.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I need to go get out the air popper. Licorice wants some popcorn. Paaaaaaaarty time!