Danger, danger

By Mir
September 4, 2010

I feel it of the utmost importance to let you know that my trip here was uneventful, save for one little thing. See, I was pulled out of the security line and made to pose in one of those new-fangled full body scanners, and that was of course delightful, because POSING is truly what you’re instructed to do—legs apart, arms over your head, hands cupped slightly as if you’re going for a high football pass—while everyone else in line watches you and the guards keep saying, just a little bit longer, ma’am.

But AFTER the scan a burly female guard made me stand in a designated square while she snapped on a pair of gloves, and when she asked how I was doing, I said it depended on what the gloves were for. She laughed, and then proceeded to feel all around my belly and carefully sort of wipe down my hip bones before letting me go.

This, to me, proves two things: First, that my killer hipbones really are as dangerous as they sound, and second, that the full body scanner is clearly an elaborate ruse, because WHY ON EARTH would you need to pat down someone whom you’ve just xrayed?? I swear I left my lead pants at home.


  1. BethR

    They were just confirming that the six-pack they saw in the scan actually was your abs, rather than you smuggling beverages for the flight :)

  2. Priscilla

    actually, it is the curly hair! I too get the extra survey and luggage check every time, my sister says it is the wild crazy hair, so now you know!

  3. MamaChristy

    They checked my ponytail the last time I flew. You know, my fine, straight hair held up by a rubber band that has no metal on it at all was a PRIMO hiding place for very dangerous weapons.

  4. My Kids Mom

    My 70yo mom is always, always pulled out of line for extra scanning. Once she got up the nerve to ask them why and they answered that it was because she looked like someone who wouldn’t complain. How’s that for securing our country?

  5. Jenna

    Aren’t you glad you didn’t press your luck with the hair stuff this time? Who knows what they would’ve done then.

  6. Big Daddy

    I agree with Jenn – good thing you bailed on the hair gel smuggling plan. It’s funny that when I travel, I never get pulled out of the line for extra scrutiny yet my 70 year old mother in law does. She is 4’11” with blue hair and two fake knees. I am 250 pounds, shaved head, always dressed in all black, and covered in tattoos. I also usually have vials of insulin and hypodermic needles in my backpack. Go figure.

  7. pam


  8. tiffany

    lol my daughter had the full body sniffer scan done to her when we flew in june. granted she had on her boston brace for her scoliosis and her fracture boot….still was funny. I walked thru without a hitch carrying a dog in my arms.

  9. just beaux

    I would have been a little nervous if I saw someone was snapping on some gloves.

  10. Julie (Etsy Stalkers)

    sounds like you got more action than i have in a while. not so bad if you ask me.

  11. Cele

    Ack with my luck they would ask me if I want to buy the picture.

  12. Heather Cook

    I think it’s a year of practice… they are just double checking their work :)

  13. mbbored

    I got a pat down too, the one time I did the full body scan. Turns out I had a business card in my back pocket, asking me to vote for a new Starbucks location. See if I’ll vote for it now…it made me get felt up already and it’s not even open!

  14. Katie in MA

    At least you know your spidey-senses are working and you knew to abort Operation: Hair Product Smuggling!

  15. KarenNM

    This summer I got pulled for a body scan, along with my six-year old son. Luckily he thought the whole thing was a big adventure, and it was the only time in ten days that he actually stood still for more than two seconds!

  16. mamaspeak

    They made my FOUR YEAR OLD do it in June. I feel so much safer, knowing there’s no rouge 4yos smuggling on Hello Kitty lip gloss or something.

  17. Asea

    I got off a plane in Heathrow a couple of weeks ago and was immediately sent through security. (We just got off a trans-atlantic flight; do you really think the films were so boring we were all making bombs when the flight attendants weren’t looking?!) I got to be patted down FIVE times because the security guard didn’t believe me about an underwire bra. Yippee. At least there’s a rule that only female security can pat down women…

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