Deep thoughts on a scattered Wednesday

By Mir
September 1, 2010

It may be time to rethink my default email closing. It’s supposed to look like this:


First of all, I’m a little concerned that in some unconscious corner of the brain, that gets read as “I’m the best, yeah, me, that’s right, I’M THE BEST MIR!” And I don’t want to come off like a pretentious egomaniac in an email, when there’s PLENTY of time to give that impression in person, you know? (Kidding! Totally kidding. I’m pretentious but I have esteem issues, dontchaknow.)

Second of all, there’s simply too much potential for butchery as my fingers fly.


What am I betting them? Or am I asking them to bet ON me, like I’m a good bet? Confusing.


There is so much wrong with that I don’t even know where to start. I am a beast? I LIKE beasts? I am calling THEM a beast? So wrong. Naturally, it is my most common error when trying to type out those two words and hit “Send” in a hurry.

* * * * *

I should put a masque on my face while I’m just sitting here. I’m waiting on a couple of checks in the mail and EVERYONE KNOWS the fastest way to summon a postal carrier to your door is to smear clay all over your face.

[HAND OVER MY HEART: I put it on and the postlady pulled up. Works every time.]

* * * * *

I need to pack tomorrow. Okay. Wait, when was the last time I did laundry? Need to do laundry first. After I finish this assignment. Wait. What was I doing?

Working. Laundry. Thinking about packing.

Looking forward to smuggling my hair gel through airport security again, I must say. It’s become my personal little badge of thievery honor.

* * * * *

Hungry. Too early for lunch? No! Yay! Oh, I hate all the food in the fridge. And the pantry. Possibly because none of it is covered in butter. Could I have popcorn for lunch? WHY NOT? This is why people work from home. Awesome.

* * * * *

My iPhone was acting wonky so I did the Reset Settings thing but now it’s doing a hundred little things that drive me nuts because apparently there were settings, before, and I had fixed them but now they’re undone. Like, I really don’t want to hear the number tones when I dial on the keypad, but I can’t seem to figure out where to turn that off. Because I am stoopid.

* * * * *

Facebook is screwing with me. Periodically I get a “report” on how Want Not’s fan page is doing, and then it will say helpful things like “Mir, Want Not has only had two new fans this week. YOU’RE A LOSER.” Well, I may be paraphrasing a tad, but it’s something like that. So I set out to up the number of fans because apparently I am supposed to care about this, and I put a reminder on Want Not and then I go do The Dreaded Thing.

The Dreaded Thing is where I click the “suggest to your friends” button and invite people to fan Want Not, which always reminds me of Joshilyn’s post about a jerk she met who then proceeded to send out invitations to his fan page that basically read Big Jerk has become a fan of Big Jerk and thinks you might like to be a fan of Big Jerk, too.

But NEVERMIND, I will puff up my chest and tell everyone OH HAI, I’m a fan of ME, would you like to be a fan of me, too? And then I click and YAY, more fans on Facebook! But wait, the number of fans among my friends dropped. WAIT. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

I refresh again and the numbers change and I have not lost friend-fans but I strongly suspect that Facebook is just reminding me that every time I ask people to fan my page, God kills a kitten.

* * * * *

Oh, well. Popcorn for lunch it is!


  1. Chuck

    Mmmm…popcorn. At work we have a popcorn machine and the guy who brought it in can make movie-theater quality popcorn in a jiffy. I’ve never learned all the steps to making a batch myself because it would be too tempting, but I will occasionally partake if someone has already made some.

  2. Bibi

    This is like my favorite post ever. I think I’m scattered like this about 75% of the time. My husband asks what I’m thinking, and next time I will direct him here.

  3. Jamie

    A friend of mine, honest, it’s NOT me, was signing his emails with “Regards, Tim.” One day at work, he discovered that the “t” is very close to the “g” on the keyboard as he closed his email “Retards, Tim.” True story!

  4. Tracy

    Just to help out with your dilemia, I’ve ‘like’ your Want Not page on Facebook.

    (I’m the)

  5. hollygee

    But so far, not:


    I think you’re okay, then.

  6. Katie in MA

    Retards and breasts . You have the best commenters ever. :)

  7. Damsel

    I love coming here everyday. The posts, the commenters… It’s my laugh therapy!

  8. Clarity

    Listen buddy, from one entrepreneur to another, just accept right now that the FB fan page is a dirty rotten liar of a lying thing that will drive you flipping insane if you let it. It’ll behave like a nice little fan page for a while and then suddenly it gets bored and decides to see if it can shred what’s left of your self confidence by telling you random shit like “You are down 2 daily likes” (read: “2 people got sick of your stupid dog videos and unfanned you, loser”) or “You are down 200 daily post comments” (read: “people USED to think you were funny and worth talking to but then they realized oh wait, you’re so totally not and stopped talking to you.”) . It’s all a lie designed to make you miserable because if you refresh the page, voila, now it’s totally different!

    Yet more proof that FB is the devil.

  9. karen

    lol.. you’re a nut. :-)

  10. Scottsdale Girl

    well…guess what I did?

    Nevermind, I can’t talk about it quite yet…

  11. tuney

    Hm. Is THAT why I woke up to a dead kitten this morning? Shame, Mir. Shame.

  12. Karate Mom

    This has absolutely nothing at all to do with Facebook, but I had to say how thrilled I am to see that people other than myself and my cousin use the word “wonky”! I said that to a friend awhile back and she thought I made it up! (And then promptly added it to her vocabulary because, really, sometimes it’s the perfect adjective.)

  13. the celt (jessica)

    Okay, after reading your comments, now I’m worried. I sign off with “regards” or “warmest regards” or “best regards,” and now I am all worried about writing “warmest retards” or something — simply because it is now in my brain and I’m afraid it will squirm its way all the way from my brain into my fingers and come out at work. I work at a school, so writing “best retards” is NOT appropriate at all when responding to parents, teachers, students, or (especially) administration.



  14. BethR

    Create a signature in your email program and have it stick it at the bottom of all your emails. Problem solved. Nowhere near as funny, though :)

    At least you don’t have a habit of mis-typing your own name…

  15. Dawn

    Yet. You haven’t done it yet. I consider on a daily basis changing my name to “Dan” for that very reason.

  16. lizneust

    Yeah, I have signed of as Lix so many times, I force Outlook to spell check it for me.

  17. Donna

    I spell my own name wrong almost every time I type it. My fingers really should know what keys to push by now.

  18. Rinatta

    Mir, I love, love, love your blog and this post especially. This is how my brain works 100% of the time. Sigh, I am never bored but often have no idea what I was doing a minute ago or what I am supposed to be doing. Which is why I often give up and go do what ever it is that I really want to do :)

    Also, thankfully I do not misspell my name or the sig, just all other parts of email and text messages. Then people email or text back asking me what those words mean. Fun! :(

  19. Cele

    I’m with Donna, I’ve misspelt my name so many times I usually close with just at C if it’s someone i know. The rest of the time I don’t sign it and let my auto sig to the work for me. Now if it would just typ emy letter sforme.\C

  20. Reb

    AARGH. Our company’s standard sign-off is best regards, and i just signed off an email to my boss’ boss with, you guessed it, best retards. Luckily I noticed in time.

  21. Brigitte

    Yes, the comments sometimes make me laugh as much as the original entry (whew, the celt, wiping a tear off the corner of my eye). Like BethR said, there is a way to just make your email automatically do it for you. Or you can set up a short-cut key and it will do it for you.

    However, don’t ask me how do actually DO those things.

  22. Aimee

    Heh, hollygee beat me to it. My VERY first thought when I saw Best, Mir was OMG, she’s totally typing ‘breast’ all the time, isn’t she? After all, that ‘r’ is the only thing separating boobs from beasts.

  23. deb

    You crack me up!
    I can so relate.
    I have done ten different things since I first put my name in the reply box.

    I love your blog & know I will like your FB!

  24. MomCat

    Oh…you caught me! “Hey! I’ve got edamame/baby carrots/hummus/avocado/lettuce/fruit on my plate. Plus, no one’s around to see. That means I can eat Cheetos/popcorn/Oreos/ice cream and it won’t count!”

  25. suzie

    Today I got an email notification that a Facebook friend “suggested I like” a fan page of her own.

    It made me think of you.

  26. Stimey

    Re: email signatures

    My friend Lane closed an email to me recently by misspelling his name “Lame.” I laughed so hard.

    I regularly call myself Jen instead of Jean in my emails. Or sometimes Jena.

  27. Pamela

    I’m with Stimey/Jean… The thing that most often gets mangled in my e-mail sign off is my own name, which is kind of sad. Thankfully not lame, though ;-)

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