Plenty of parents dream of their offspring becoming doctors, lawyers, superstars, and world-renowned scientists. We all have big dreams for our kids. I just hope that my parents always hoped that someday their darling daughter would grow up to talk about her boobs on the Internet. Because if so, dude, they TOTALLY scored.
Now that the students have flooded back into town I am reminded of one of the current fads I find puzzling, and—not coincidentally—one way in which I suspect I am a little bit strange. It seems to me that every young woman in this town has an entire closet full of strapless tops and dresses. I don’t know how or when or why this became The Thing, but there they all are, parading around with completely naked shoulders.
And me with the overwhelming urge to walk up behind them and yank down their shirts.
I could tell you that it harkens back to my years of sleepaway camp, and my penchant (as a young girl) for tube tops, which you know were standard attire in the 70s. We all wore tube tops; we all occasionally had a rotten boy sneak up behind us and yank it down, the joke of course being on him because as soon as any of us grew boobs, we stopped wearing tube tops. Obviously. Anyway, that might be part of it.
I could tell you that it stems from a deep discomfort with my own breasts, which isn’t true at all, so nevermind.
I could tell you it’s because I have such a mighty rack that strapless bras are simply insufficient, but that’s not true, either.
No, I think it’s more an intersection of 1) pragmatics and 2) what I assume to be true even though it’s not, anymore.
The pragmatics of it are something like the same reason why I never keep my nails very long or bother to put polish on them; it gets in the way, or ends up looking crappy because I’m not careful with my hands. In the same way, I can’t see a strapless bra and a shirt that has the potential to make a break for my bellybutton being a sensible thing to wear while dog-wrangling, carrying groceries, or otherwise simply living my life. Call me crazy.
The assumption thing is something more like: Hey, didn’t it used to be that you only went strapless to dress up? And doesn’t that make SENSE, as strapless isn’t very practical? I mean, clearly I’m wrong on this, because I see strapless EVERYTHING, but then go back to the pragmatics thing, and I don’t get it.
But there’s also the just-me-being-weird bit, which is that I just Don’t Do strapless. Ever. I didn’t wear a strapless wedding gown, even. I am just a fan of straps and knowing that what I’m wearing is going to stay on my body. I don’t think I’m particularly over-modest and it’s not about covering my chest and/or shoulders, but more—I’m just going to say it—a probably irrational fear of my clothing falling off and my boobs springing free. (Okay, they may be too small to spring. They could certainly fall, though.) (The more I talk, here, the more depressed my boobs become. Poor things.)
I also wonder if this is an age thing. Is this a style for young women, and I’m “too old?” (Though let me note that I see plenty of women my age going strapless, and not in a “OMG SHE IS A CRAZY FLOOZY” kind of way, but looking lovely, even though it makes me neurotically cringe because HEY YOU ARE NOT ALL DRESSED.)
In short, I need to know if this is just me. My boobs want to hear from you(rs). Am I totally weird about this, or is anyone else anti-strapless and wondering how the heck this became everyday wear? Help a girl out.
I promise not to pull your shirt down.