I’ve tried to ignore it, but I just can’t live in denial any longer. See for yourself:
1) It tells me that it hasn’t seen Ugly lately. [Ugly is a Mii the kids made who has eyeballs in his chin and a beard in the middle of his forehead. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t been working out, like, EVER, on account of his self-esteem issues are pretty much a full-time gig.]
2) It never comments on the time when I’m on it at 5:30 in the morning, but the one day I wait until nearly 9:00 to hop on, it says, “You’re up early!” Wha?
3) It asks me how Monkey’s posture is looking lately, and then scolds me when I say I’m not sure. [News flash: Making sure Monkey is wearing clean underwear is kind of MY full-time gig.]
4) It gets all sad and dejected when I tell it I don’t want to hear a fitness tip, triggering my PJGD (Post-Jewish Grandmother Disorder).
5) It doesn’t seem to care when my balance is way off to either the front or the back, but if my balance is even the slightest bit off from side to side it’s all “Well, you’re SO CLOSE AND YET YOU STILL SUCK.” Then it gives me some lame tip about how exercising with my eyes closed will improve my balance.
6) This morning it insisted I’d gained three pounds since… yesterday. The last time I checked, I did not eat half a baby yesterday, so I’m skeptical. VERY SKEPTICAL. And while it was clear to me that something must be horribly awry, the damn Fit was all “Now, let’s talk about the reasons for your weight gain.” However, “MY WII FIT IS ON CRACK” was not one of the options, SO! We are kind of at an impasse.
7) In addition to insisting I puffed up like a blowfish overnight, it also offered to tell me my “ideal” BMI, and I figured hey, what the heck, go ahead. According to the Fit, my ideal BMI is 22.
Um, no offense to anyone whose BMI is 22 (or higher). Nothing wrong with a BMI of 22; it’s within the healthy range, sure. However, my current BMI is under 20 (and I’m still trimming off a few pounds). In order to get to a BMI of 22, I would need to gain back the ten pounds I just lost AND another five on top of that.
Again, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that weight for my height, but there are many, many things wrong with that weight for my particular build. (I have always said I was a delicate flower; perhaps I should’ve explained that I am a delicate flower with tiny bird bones.) And this is all aside from the fact that I’ve had my damn weight loss goal programmed into the Fit for close to three months and it’s only just NOW volunteering that actually, hey, I should totally be snacking on hot fudge sundaes to reach my perfect weight.
I think I’m breaking up with my Wii Fit.
Thank GOD I’m totally hot enough now to land a new paramour, like maybe a fancy digital scale that doesn’t accuse me of eating babies and suggest I ditch it all and gain 15 pounds.