7 Signs my Wii Fit is screwing with me

By Mir
March 9, 2010

I’ve tried to ignore it, but I just can’t live in denial any longer. See for yourself:

1) It tells me that it hasn’t seen Ugly lately. [Ugly is a Mii the kids made who has eyeballs in his chin and a beard in the middle of his forehead. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t been working out, like, EVER, on account of his self-esteem issues are pretty much a full-time gig.]

2) It never comments on the time when I’m on it at 5:30 in the morning, but the one day I wait until nearly 9:00 to hop on, it says, “You’re up early!” Wha?

3) It asks me how Monkey’s posture is looking lately, and then scolds me when I say I’m not sure. [News flash: Making sure Monkey is wearing clean underwear is kind of MY full-time gig.]

4) It gets all sad and dejected when I tell it I don’t want to hear a fitness tip, triggering my PJGD (Post-Jewish Grandmother Disorder).

5) It doesn’t seem to care when my balance is way off to either the front or the back, but if my balance is even the slightest bit off from side to side it’s all “Well, you’re SO CLOSE AND YET YOU STILL SUCK.” Then it gives me some lame tip about how exercising with my eyes closed will improve my balance.

6) This morning it insisted I’d gained three pounds since… yesterday. The last time I checked, I did not eat half a baby yesterday, so I’m skeptical. VERY SKEPTICAL. And while it was clear to me that something must be horribly awry, the damn Fit was all “Now, let’s talk about the reasons for your weight gain.” However, “MY WII FIT IS ON CRACK” was not one of the options, SO! We are kind of at an impasse.

7) In addition to insisting I puffed up like a blowfish overnight, it also offered to tell me my “ideal” BMI, and I figured hey, what the heck, go ahead. According to the Fit, my ideal BMI is 22.

Um, no offense to anyone whose BMI is 22 (or higher). Nothing wrong with a BMI of 22; it’s within the healthy range, sure. However, my current BMI is under 20 (and I’m still trimming off a few pounds). In order to get to a BMI of 22, I would need to gain back the ten pounds I just lost AND another five on top of that.

Again, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that weight for my height, but there are many, many things wrong with that weight for my particular build. (I have always said I was a delicate flower; perhaps I should’ve explained that I am a delicate flower with tiny bird bones.) And this is all aside from the fact that I’ve had my damn weight loss goal programmed into the Fit for close to three months and it’s only just NOW volunteering that actually, hey, I should totally be snacking on hot fudge sundaes to reach my perfect weight.

I think I’m breaking up with my Wii Fit.

Thank GOD I’m totally hot enough now to land a new paramour, like maybe a fancy digital scale that doesn’t accuse me of eating babies and suggest I ditch it all and gain 15 pounds.


  1. Leah

    My Wii Fit is constantly showing me losing and gaining the same five pounds from one day to the next. WTF? There should definitely be an option for “My Wii Fit is on crack.”

  2. txelz

    I totally need a Wii Fit to tell me to snack on hot fudge sundaes. Totally worth the money! The wrong reading thing is why we don’t own a scale. Well, we did but my husband used it to weigh his hunting vehicle when loaded with its accessories…long story and off-topic. Oops.

  3. Megan

    Aaaaand that’s why I don’t have a Wii Fit. However, I do have the fancy digital scale which I don’t have programmed although in theory I totally could (if I hadn’t already ditched the instruction booklet) and I don’t ever get on it in bare feet (COLD!) so it won’t tell me my body-fat-content or hydration or whatever it is that it supposedly does so I think secretly my digital scale wants to break up with me – maybe we could get it together with your Wii Fit?

  4. Kate @ And Then I Was a Mom

    Eh, that happens at Weight Watchers meetings, too. At a weigh-in many years ago (a merrier time, when I was rife with discipline and possessed of willpower of steel), my leader told me I had gained seven pounds in a week. When she wasn’t looking, I sneaked over to the other, smarter leader and asked for another weigh-in. Turns out I had lost 1.5 pounds. Moral of the story? Never trust morons or video games with simple math.

  5. Kendra

    it’s official…i’m not ever getting a Wii Fit! That would drive me batty!

  6. Katie in MA

    You are mean. I started reading and for a minute I was all, “Wait, is it…is it Friday? Is this a Five Full Plates nudge?” and then my bubble of happiness burst for lo, it is still Tuesday. Not even a respectable almost-there like Thursday. *Tuesday.*

  7. Shana

    I would suggest you get that scale for actually keeping up with your weight. I love my wii fit but NOT because of the “health” info it provides. Just the hours of fun the kids and I have had playing on it that don’t involve us sitting on our bums watching t.v.

  8. MamaChristy

    Darned Wii crack dealers sneaking into your house and selling to your Wii Fit. You should take away its phone privileges so it can’t text the dealer anymore. And check your wallet for missing cash. And look into a residential treatment program for Wii Fit substance abuse.

  9. Chris

    Do you take Ambien or any sleep aide? Because you could totally be sleep-eating a baby at night and not know it.

  10. Katherine

    I got annoyed at my Wii Fit when it said I gained weight – and it didn’t have “my clothes are extra heavy today”. That’s what I get for weighing myself in jeans with keys and stuff in my pockets instead of sweats.

  11. MyFaithandJoy

    Thanks for the laughs – I needed those today!

  12. Scottsdale Girl

    Hrmmmmm. Perhaps I will covet a face lift over a Wii Fit…

  13. Billie

    Lol. After having a new baby in the house, a death in the family,and another family member on her deathbed, I didn’t have a ton of time to actually spend with my older kids. I got on the wii fit one day and it asked me whether I had taken the time to play games with my oldest lately. No fair!! Guilt trips from the video game is not allowed!!

  14. Veronica

    Mine has no setting for Southern Hemisphere – it kept asking me ‘is it snowing this morning?’ NO, it’s the middle of freaking SUMMER. Yesterday it asked me how I was liking the early spring weather. TERRIBLY. You know, because it’s AUTUMN.

    Huh, seems my wii fit annoys me a little.

  15. Chuck

    If the Wii ever says “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that” then it’s probably time to get new software for it.

  16. MomCat

    I have bird bones AND a BMI of close to 22, but you don’t ever hear my Wii Fit telling me that I’m perfect – No, Sir! I think we need to swap machines.

  17. Sheila

    My daughter feels bad if the balance board gets sad and dejected, and consequently will ALWAYS listen to everything it offers. It makes for very long sessions, but we don’t get much attitude from it, so maybe she’s onto something by coddling…

  18. Paulla

    This is too funny! I got my Wii Fit for Christmas and it’s been insulting and abusing me ever since. Thanks for the laughs. :)

  19. Brigitte

    Hee, Chuck! I think I’m crossing Wii Fit off my “to get” list, my self-esteem is low enough already.

  20. Alyssa

    My advice (not that you asked…can’t help myself since motherhood) break up with the Wii and don’t take it back. On again off again relationships are not healthy!

  21. Aimee

    Heh. I think your Wii is smoking the same crack that my scale is. Perhaps they can get into rehab together?

  22. Jenn

    I thought about getting a Wii Fit, but all the reviews I read basically said the same things (minus the clean underwear part), so we got “My Fitness Coach” instead, which is kind of annoying in its own ways, but at least it can’t lecture me and accuse me of blowing up like a puffer fish overnight.

  23. GrandeMocha

    Love the “Making sure Monkey is wearing clean underwear is kind of MY full-time gig.” I have a seven yr old son & between clean underwear & brushing his teeth so no more teeth rot & need to be extracted, I have a full time job!

  24. Debra

    Wii Active is much more better than Wii fit. More fitness, less game-like, still loads of fun.

  25. Sarah

    ” I did not eat half a baby yesterday, so I’m skeptical. ”
    Thanks for that.

  26. mamaspeak

    Maybe it’s the crack YOU’VE been smoking Mir? I mean, your Wii is talking to you? Asking you to check Monkey’s posture? Uh-huh…it’s either the crack you’ve been smoking or a lack or sugar, in which case, the hot fudge sundaes are recommended.

  27. Nicki

    And this is why I never got sucked into the Wii Fit craze. I’m going to take my walk now. I’ll be listening to the voices in my head. And none of them will suggest that I need to gain weight. Ahhh.

  28. Tracy

    You totally crack me up. Thanks, I need that laugh!

  29. Sheppitsgal

    And THAT is why BMI is a load of baloney x

  30. Karate Mom

    The thing that gets me with MY Wii Fit is when it tells me to get on the balance board and then makes that little, shocked-sounding, “Huh!” sound. You know, the one that sounds like it really wants to say, “Get off of me, you fat cow! I can’t breathe!” Makes me want to punch it.

  31. jodifur

    I think the reason I am losing mamapop loser is b/c I’m weighing in on my wii fit. That, and everyone else is lying.

  32. Mary @ Holy Mackerel

    My daughter has Wii Fit, loves it, but hasn’t gone on it in quite a long time. I’m actually a little afraid of it. I’m thinking there’s actually a person in there watching everything we do. Call me paranoid.

  33. Shannon

    Delurking to say that my children also made a mii named Ugly (spelled uglii) with the chin eyes and the beard on his forehead. However, after a few months of excellent play as a teammate on Wii sports baseball, they grew to love him, edited him, and renamed him Handsome.

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