Also, there were bears

A several-day absence here is somewhat unprecedented for me—even when I had my hysterectomy, even when I was felled by the flu, heck, even when I went and got married, in the five and a half years this place has been around, I’ve generally not gone more than a couple of days between postings.

Which means something really CRAZY must’ve happened this week/weekend to keep me away. Something unbelievable. Something all-encompassing. Something that took all of my time and attention and strength!

Yes. Well. Um. See, we’d had my folks here all week, and then there was Black Friday and there were leftovers to eat and days to spent in pajamas and children to snuggle and a dog to walk, and… then it was Monday. Hello, Monday!

Oh, there was more than that, of course. But mostly it was just a whole lot of nothing, and sometimes nothing is exactly what I need. Why, I read an entire book! It was lovely.

This is not to say that nothing exciting happened. Because it totally did. Like, my my kitchen appliances continue to implode at an alarming rate. (Moral of the story: Free appliances may be worth exactly what you pay for them.) And Monkey has a new cold, that started with him completely losing his voice for most of a day.

For most of a day, it was very quiet here. It was… kind of nice.

Then his voice sort of came back, and for two days he was extremely squeaky, which meant that the dog always looked up with grave concern whenever Monkey spoke, because it sort of sounded like him, but it also sort of sounded like he was talking quietly while squeezing a handful of mice.

Now it’s just a regular garden-variety head cold, which means if you’re looking for my son, he’s most likely in my bathroom with the Neti pot, flushing his sinuses and delivering a string of commentary on the contents he just washed into the sink. Why yes, that is JUST as disgusting as it sounds, thanks.

(I guess I can’t really blame him for being his mother’s son. Poor Otto was trying to eat breakfast this morning and I was remarking on the weirdness of Monkey’s sinuses over the years, concluding with the mystery nostril story, which may not have been the most polite mealtime conversation ever.)

Also, Chickadee is hard at work on her project for the Science Fair, by which I mean that she is doing a lot of stomping and whining and rolling her eyes, and finally this weekend it got to where we sat her down and said, “Well, we’re done. Good luck!” It had gotten that bad. There were many tearful apologies and promises to be nicer, and we said Great, that all sounds good. Good luck on your project, honey! And that was all fine until last night when it was time to calculate the bacteria growth in her petri dishes and she realized that her “count the blooms” measurement method wasn’t going to work, because the blooms were different sizes and (in some cases) actually stripes or swirls rather than just circles. It was all so tragic that we caved in and helped her figure out how to calculate it by area rather than her original idea, and the whole time I was thinking, “I’m a pushover. No wonder she wheedles and nags and whines, she knows I’ll give in eventually.”

So this morning I have renewed resolve to be Mean, so that such things don’t happen in the future. As such, I informed Licorice that she smells like fish and her mother dresses her funny. I SURE SHOWED HER.

See, I was extremely busy doing exciting things while I was gone. AND I did them all with one hand.

(The other hand was busy shoveling Danielle’s cranberry horseradish relish into my gaping maw. Obviously.) (Wait, what did you think I… oh, nevermind. I don’t want to know.)


  1. Mocha

    You can’t resolve to be Mean! It won’t work! We will all laugh at you!

    I mean, with you. And then you’ll giggle.

    I love when you write things like “mystery nostril” and “she smells like fish” because then? My Monday is complete.

  2. Petunia

    I missed you.

  3. MomCat

    Meanness is relative. Or relatives. Something like that. (Missed you, too!)

  4. Groovecatmom

    I probably would have done the same thing with the science, except I’d have added a stern lecture about how we were not going to college with her to do her projects for her! And she needs to do them on her own! And whatever other mean sounding thing I could drum up, then feel lots of guilt later and give her some candy. Is it any wonder I have issues?

  5. Leandra

    Okay, so I went back and read about the mystery nostril, but since I’m at work I would feel guilty if I went rooting around in the archives for the answer — Did the augmentin work? Or was there something shoved in there?

    Glad you guys had a great Thanksgving, imploding appliances notwithstanding.

  6. Aimee

    Welcome back! What book did you read? Was it good? I hope it was longer-lasting than your free appliances, and less disgusting than the Neti pot contents. :)

  7. ellbee

    Huh. That…actually just makes me want to head out and buy me a Neti Pot, just for the sheer pleasure of analyzing the result and grossing out my husband from here to next Tuesday.

  8. Nicki

    Oh so lonely without you to read! Glad it was nothing serious. And don’t feel too guilty for reveling in the silence created by the head cold. I sometimes get nostalgic remembering Rachel’s tonsillectomy. No talking for a week. A WEEK! Ahhh.

    PS. To be a fly on the wall during your meal times…

  9. Half Assed Kitchen

    It seems like the last science fair was two months ago…when the same sort of thing happened. Or was that another fair?

  10. Liza

    The phrase “nostril paperclip” is now part of my permanent mental lexicon. Thank you so much. I only wish I could explain to Josie that she’s lucky I only go after her nose with a big blue snot-sucker.

  11. Karate Mom

    OK, I love it when your posts link back to older posts! What beautiful wedding pictures! (And your hair didn’t look anything like a flock of poodles!)

  12. annette

    *Ashamed* so busy shopping with yhou through Want Not, didn’t notice you didn’t post here on Friday:)

  13. Katie in MA

    However you decide to deal with Chickie, do NOT teach her to negotiate. I explained to my 5-year-old that when she whines I cannot hear her and when she throws a fit, I cannot help her because she will think it’s okay to behave that way. I taught her that if she can convince me through other means (asking nicely, bribing me with offers to do housework, etc) that she might be able to convince me to help her. And now – now I never get out of it because she NEVER STOPS negotiating. I see a future career budding for Gracie – criminals will beg to turn themselves in.

  14. Karen

    On the upside it was rather cheerful to click over to check your blog and see the neat Chickie folded napkin saluting your Thanksgiving table. And of course we did have you at WantNot to visit with. Glad you had time to recharge.

    So, while I guess I need to re-read the mystery nostril story, since I found mice in my range this week obviously I need appliances. And I bet I’m not the only one. (Who needs appliances, not who has mice in her range) So please tell us about your imploding kitchen!

  15. Noelle

    My husband does the Neti pot – eeeww. Meaness is underrated – it’s good for them!

  16. Kate at And Then I Was a Mom

    I am so impressed that your son uses a Neti pot. One look at the pot my ENT doc gave me makes me blanch and break out in a cold sweat. I do WHAT, with WHAT? It just doesn’t seem…natural. Not as natural as a hearty dose of Sudafed, at least.

  17. Heidi

    Neti pots rock. Unfortunately, I’m having to use one right now, too. (Yay for Monkey!) TMI is when I blow my nose and say, ooh, that isn’t a good color… You’re welcome.

  18. Brigitte

    I can get the water in, but then it stays in and gets more infected. Yes, thank you very much.

    I was following at WantNot too, so I wasn’t worried! After all, how fun is your personal, for-fun blog if it becomes a mandatory daily obligation? You need to spend the time with your family every so often. :-)

  19. Flea

    Okay. I’m so NOT clicking on the mystery nostril story. Not before breakfast. And where are the bears? Did I miss something?

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