Well, that’s a relief

Everyone is healthy and hearty and life goes on.

For a short and blissful while there, Chickadee was loving and cuddly and totally a Mama’s Girl. Of course, I didn’t know, in the beginning part of it, anyway, that it was largely due to the fact that she was miserable at school and had decided to hate everyone and everything… but we had some truly lovely moments while she viewed me as the best thing in her life.

Now that I’ve twisted myself inside-out and upside-down and gone to bat for her at school and the bullying situation has been (at least temporarily) resolved, however, I am back to being the stupidest, most loathsome creature she’s ever had to endure. So that’s fun.

I put pepper on her salad when I was packing her lunch and that was ALL WRONG and caused a screaming, crying fit. And I suggested she wear shorts rather than sweatpants to tumbling class, because I’m mean. And retarded. And clearly out to get her.

Mixed in with relief that she’s feeling better enough to hate me is a growing impatience, so—being the world’s greatest mother—I have informed her she can pack her own damn lunch and walk to class rather than being driven by me, respectively, because I’m not being paid enough for either of these tasks to put up with her abuse. She huffed and puffed and rolled her eyes and I swear I saw little thought bubbles filled with “I hate you,” “You never understand,” and “You suck” floating over her head.

In other words, she is back to being a typical pubescent girl and is going to be just fine.

Unless I kill her, first. (Which seems like such a waste, given what I just went through to prevent one of her classmates from doing it for me.)

In completely unrelated news, I’d like to publicly apologize to my parents for, um, all of 1982. and 1983. Ahem.


  1. Sarah K

    I do not Envy you. At all. Hang in there!

  2. Heather S. :)

    Me thinks everyone who has a preteen/teenage daughter has had to make that very apology. I feel your pain as all four of mine are girls’. We are in pre-teen and full on teen world at the same time. At least you don’t have that hell to deal with. I have two walking around with thought bubbles that read “I hate you” and “You Suck”….YAY me NOT ;) ;) This post cracked me up!!!

  3. Rachel

    My girl-child will be 13 three weeks from today. She will get her braces off in January, but is not supposed to have chewing gum until then. Today at Target she “sarcastically” said “I hate you” when I wouldn’t by gum for her. I replied, “That’s ok, I’ll always Loooveeee you.” and smiled. Fun times. = )

    I’l like to apologize to my parents for 1982-1988 (ages 12-18), sorry mom & dad!

  4. Mare

    I’m jumping on the bandwagon. Sorry mom and dad for 1982-1989. I didn’t get it. I do now.

  5. pam

    I was going to say something pithy about teenagers but decided you know the hellathon you’re in for.

    Instead decided to say ‘here Mir put your head on my shoulder and cry it out, poor baby.’

  6. My Kids Mom

    I’m always relieved that I have boys. They can be sulky and withdrawn, but will probably not have the histrionics that I had as a teen. If there is more that I don’t know, don’t tell me please. I’ve already done this in real life, but I too will apologize to my parents for 1980-1985.

  7. Big Dot

    I wish you’d been around when my younger daughter hit the pre-teens – it would have been SO reassuring. My older daughter even as a real teenager was nearly always good company, so when the baby went feral at around 9 years old it was a great shock. I’d thought I had at least another 4 years of friendliness. Still, it only took 10 years and now she’s nice again. Unfortunately, the grand scheme of things appears to dictate that I should never have two simultaneously pleasant daughters and the older one is now full of huffs and rolling eyes.

    But as you point out, ha ha, it’s payback time. Sorry, Mum and Dad!

  8. Ann

    Is this what my mother meant when she said–“just wait until you have kids of your own” ??? when I was 15, 16, 17 etc.
    Hey guess what, I’d tell Chickie to tell it to Licorice. She’ll be able to say whatever she wants and Licorice will just lick her eyeballs and the snot out of her nose !!!
    I don’t think I’m going to apologize, I was nice when I was a tween/teen !!! Ok–I’m sorry

  9. Mom

    All is forgiven. But you knew that. ;-)

    You’re doing fabulously well with an impossible situation. And I hope you know _that_ too.


  10. mamaspeak

    Is she the daughter your mother wished on you? “I hope you have a daughter JUST LIKE YOU!” Cuz I had that one & know it already by age 3. Any apologies I provide should probably accompanied w/alcohol. Just saying…

  11. Katherine

    My mom wished kids “just like me” to me once when I was in high school. My reply was that I hoped I would get kids like me – I got good grades, I didn’t smoke, drink, do drugs or even date at that point. I’m still not sure what I was infuriating her about then. But I did and yet didn’t get kids like me – both boys, so not like me in that, but so far my older boy (13) is very much like me. I would prefer to have less attitude, but overall he is a good kid.

  12. Mary Fran

    My daughter is 6 and I’m already getting glimpses. Oh, the drama. I have apologized to my parents for 1982-1989. I was a horrible teenager and am dreading the payback.

  13. pharmgirl

    Big Dot: “when the baby went feral” May I please, PLEASE steal that line?
    It describes it all so perfectly.

  14. Lylah

    After a lovely chat with similar thought-bubbles floating over my oldest two girls’ heads (ages 15 and 13), they told me they’d rather pack their own lunches. I smiled and thanked them and told them that would make my life so much easier in the mornings — which wasn’t at all what my oldest wanted to hear. Also: it didn’t occur to them that they could only pack in their lunch bags the food that was still purchased by me. So, they went from “hating” every “stupid” lunch I packed to packing for themselves the exact same lunches I used to pack. But they couldn’t complain about it anymore, which was great (for me, at any rate).

  15. styleygeek

    I remember being that pre-teen monster myself. From what I can recall of the feelings that triggered the insanity, a lot of it was to do with lack of control. I felt old enough that I had strong opinions on a ton of things, and desires to do a ton of things, but at the same time, I had no actual control over my daily life. I still got told what to do when by teachers, parents, etc. My daily routine was planned for me. I was too young to choose whether to stay home or come along when my parents went somewhere. All of this made me so mad that a little thing like not having chosen whether my salad gets pepper on it, or feeling like someone was telling me what to wear would just be the final straw.

    In Chickadee’s case, if she’s getting bullied as well, she probably feels like she has no control of ANY part of her life, so it probably makes things a million times worse.

    Just my 2c, and I have no kids or anything, so feel free to disregard my attempt at pop psychology.

  16. mom, again, again

    what styleygeek said. Now is the lucky time when you get to divest yourself of all sorts of inconsequential tasks you’ve performed to this point. Clothing, lunch, even homework scheduling and bedtime. So long as she’s within the acceptable range, any problems caused by her choices aren’t yours.

  17. Javamom

    Hm. My little toddler girl has of late showed me some, um…indication of perhaps moving toward that general direction…sort of…She’s currently a daddy’s girl. Mommy isn’t good enough. Although her insults toward me are more in the, er, mild category. I’m “stinky” apparently and only daddy can help take her coat off…

    The joys…

  18. Brigitte

    Mine just turned 5 but has already been rolling her eyes at me and telling me I’m wrong for quite a while. Uh oh!

    I’m looking forward to your dad’s response. ;-)

  19. MomCat

    I always try to remind myself that it’s cuz she feels ‘safe’ with me. It helps. Slightly.

  20. dad

    My brain doesn’t go all the way back to 1982-1983. I guess it’s all being suppressed as part of some self-protection system. Apology accepted. Actually , you have been delivering that apology in good deeds for some time now.

    On a more advisorial note: Patience tulip! Think of her pubescence as the hazing required for initiation into the club that champions kvelling about one’s adult daughters.

  21. Sheila

    Important Safety Tip: NEVER read the thought bubbles. It’s just so much better for everyone that way.

  22. The Other Leanne

    What stylegeek said.
    Since my mom moved here from Florida two months ago, I’ve been atoning for 1970-78 every single day.

  23. Nicki

    Am I the only one who was good when I was growing up? I’m currently paying for my adult years, like when I had the audacity to say, “Mommy, I love you. Get out of my dishwasher.” You’d think she’d have been thrilled I wanted to do the clean up! Geesh.

    As for moments with Chickadee…try humor. Rachel gave me attitude on day and I said, “Be gone before someone drops a house on you.” It diffused the situation REALLY well. (And has, on every occasion I had to use it.)

    Best of luck. Thinking of you!

  24. GrandeMocha


    I’m totally stealing, “Be gone before someone drops a house on you.” LOVE it.

  25. joaaanna

    God! YOU DO SUCK! How DARE you be so, you know, motherly and stuff. Geesh.

    Hopefully I will get pregnant soon and have a lovely little baby… and I KNOW my husband wants a little girl. I just don’t think I can handle it. My mother sent too many prayers up to the heavens that I would get one like me. Argh.

  26. Crystal M

    I would like to thank you all for making me feel a little less alone in the teenage wasteland I currently call my life. The comment about “when the baby went feral” had me laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. Thankfully, I only created one teenager so once this episode of life is finished, a more normal existence can pick up and move on.

    My parents always told me I was “the good kid” out of the five they had, so we do not all reap what we sow in the teenage angst department.

    Great blog post and comments!!

  27. Chuck

    I remember a joke about God and the Devil with regards to kids. God said, “The Devil and I have a long-standing agreement. I get them until they’re 12. He gets them until they’re 20.” Some truth to it, I suppose…

  28. Tracy

    Mir—just know that this too shall pass.

  29. Lori N

    My mother says selective memory saves each generation when I apologize for everything from 1978 – 1995 (early puberty, junior high, highschool, college & moving back in after college only to move out & in with a BOY who later became my husband)

    And I wasn’t that bad! :)

  30. Katie in MA

    My five-year-old mimics her (soon-to-be) 15-yr-old step-sister all the time. I hear it every time she comes back from her dad’s. I really thought I’d get more than five years before I had to worry about some of the things she says! Hang in there. The Hate is awful, but at least you know she’s feeling secure and confidence enough in herself to let it out.

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