The things you tell me

By Mir
September 23, 2009
Category Detritus

I used to regularly post about the search terms that brought people to the site, and somewhere along the way I stopped doing it. Probably because 1) I stopped actually checking my stats all that often, because once you’ve passed the “Hey, I think people other than my parents and my best friend are actually visiting my blog!” point, it just isn’t all that exciting, and 2) it’s entirely possible that I realized it was uninteresting.

Today, however, I’ve got nothing. Well, nothing other than my dog decided to cry and howl at midnight for no discernible reason and I was immediately catapulted back to those horrible first-time-mother newborn days when I spent a lot of time wondering if maybe my baby was in terrible pain and I was the world’s worst mother for not knowing how to fix it.

[In this case, apparently the dog had to pee, and then once we did that she just thought it might be a good time to play. I think. When I sent a panicked email about it all to the Dog Whisperer—now THERE’s someone who’s doubtless wishing she could un-know me right about now, with my Puppy Angst and hysterical middle-of-the-night emails—she suggested a squirt bottle full of battery acid to quell rowdiness if it happened again.]

[Okay, she said battery acid and then changed it to water, but I’m sure the battery acid will be fine.]

Anyway. What? I’m a little tired today.

So here’s a little quid pro quo. I’m always the one sharing. According to my site statistics, here are the things you felt the need to share with me, that brought you to my humble corner of the Internet.

first snow day basket off school
I’m… happy for you, that your basket got the day off of school on account of snow. I hope it got to make many snow… baskets.

my son wants to be a chipmunk for halloween
Good for him! My son wants to be dog. Oh, were we talking about Halloween? He just wants to be a dog in general. I have no idea what he wants to be for Halloween this year. (Truly, we’re never going to top the year he was a chick magnet, and he knows it.)

reading logs are evil
Oh, I don’t know if they’re evil. Annoying, yes. Pointless, maybe. But if they’re evil, how do you then qualify things like toys that come anchored into the box with a dozen industrial-strength zip-ties? You see the problem.

what is the The Chronicles of Narnia resolution
With God as their witness, they would never be hungry again. I’m pretty sure someone waved around some Turkish Delight while they said that, too.

i had strep throat and took my antibiotics and now i m sick again
Thank you for sharing. Though sharing that with your doctor rather than Google might be more helpful.

laughing cow cheese for babies
I’m pretty sure it’s not for babies, actually. Though most babies I know could be interested in laughing cows.

does babybel cheese have hormones
Yes, but because they’re babies, it’s only a very small amount. Once they’re teenagers, though, they’re prone to acne and melodrama.

what happens if you inhale dirt
You sneeze mud! Oh, wait—did I ruin your joke?

where to buy cheap oversized black pillowcases
I really just don’t want to know.

how to love to free spirit person
You just set them free, and if they come back to you you give them a Milkbone, and if they don’t, well, it’s probably because you’re a jerk. (This answer supplied by Licorice.)

As always: Thanks for visiting, and stay weird.


  1. Leandra

    Oh how many times I’ve cursed the thousand zip ties that keep the toys in the box. And just as bad are the little twisty tie things that you twist and twist and twist and you think surely I’ve got to be close to getting this thing loose when you realize that somehow you’ve overtwisted and have now securely fastened the toy in again! GAH! Satan is responsible! I’m sure of it!

    And yes, we are a weird group. :)

  2. Megan

    Makes me wonder what the weirdest google search string I’ve ever entered. I have a feeling it was related to my children’s maths homework and possibly included obscene versions of just how cosine got sine to wave.

  3. dad

    I don’t read your blog because we are related. Honest!

    You are downright entertaining.

  4. Meg

    Hi Mir, I keep hearing about floods in Georgia and I wanted to make sure you’re not floating away. I mean, you’re probably not posting about the Google searches while being evacuated from the area, but on the other hand, this would also make a good auto-post for a busy day… a busy day in which you and your family had to swim down the street for basic supplies…

  5. Patricia

    I don’t read your dad’s comments because he’s your dad — it is because I not-so-secretly want to buy him a cup of coffee and chat for awhile….he just seems so fascinating (and funny) (and quirky).

  6. Tarrant

    Cheap oversized black pillow cases=HomeGoods. Why do I know this? Because I spent years looking for cheap black bedding for goth boy and now that I don’t-I see it everywhere. Most recently at HGs.

    The rest…made me spew and reminded me how much I miss you posting such.

    I never look at my stats anymore. Wait. Never not accurate…because I went to peek at my daughter’s stats on her new blog (whereupon I confess I grumbled to myself: “WHAT? She gets that many pvs? It took me YEARS to get there. She is 13. Do I even get that many?) Thus leading me to my stats. Where I thought: people read me! I really should blog more often.

  7. meghann

    I hadn’t looked in a while, so I just checked out mine again. My favorite ones have to be “why midget bites so nasty” and “toilet bowl water low going glug glug”. I guess that sums up the content of my blog right there!

  8. Burgh Baby

    Wait! I know where to get the over-sized black pillowcases for cheap! Wal-Mart!


    The G-20 is in town. That’s all the explanation I’m willing to give. Ahem.

  9. Em

    You know what is weird (besides all of those search queries)? I just read a blog post in another blog today about how reading logs are evil.


    As for “having nothing”, if you wrote about paint drying, I would probably read it, laugh my head off, look for what your dad said about it, then send the link to family and friends so they could laugh their heads off too.

  10. Ann from Minnesota

    Welcome to puppyhood! Your description of the howling and playing in the middle of the night brought lots of memories slamming back into my head – I thought I had suppressed them well. Anyway – here’s my unsolicited advice on that subject. When/if Licorice needs to go outside in the middle of the night, DO NOT MAKE IT FUN for her. Trust me – dogs are very motivated, self centered little bastards sometimes when they want to be. If there is something in it for them, they are willing to repeat their behaviors (even bad ones). Get up with her, do not speak to her, do not turn on any lights. Put her outside to do her business, put her back in her kennel and go to bed. If you don’t reward her howling and crying with any stimulation, she will eventually learn that its not worth her effort because there’s no pay off for her.

    I am getting off my soapbox now. Thank you very much!

  11. Katie in MA

    Hmmm…you have much more (ahem) “interesting” readers than I do. Kinda makes me wonder what’s the kookiest search term I could enter that would link me to WCS. Almost like a challenge…

  12. Katie

    The toys I have buying all have been seured with screws! I think the screws are worse than the plastic ties. At least I know where the scizors are. I have to dig for the screwdrivers.

  13. Jamie

    Those are great. The sneeze one made me laugh as did the pillowcase one! I come here from Google Reader, so they aren’t me! :)

  14. Sara

    You had me with the bit about Narnia and Turkish Delight and then you slayed me with the bit about sneezing mud. I am now dead. That is all.

  15. jess

    Is it weird (or just a sign that I’ve heard it again fairly recently) that my first thought on your response to the Babybel hormones was the mandrake roots in Harry Potter? Do the Babybels eventually start trying to move into each other’s wrappers?


  16. Aisha

    My current re-occurring ones are ‘how many fingers do I have?’ and ‘ingrid michaelson personal life’ complete with the lack of capitalization. Because, apparently, a blog with ‘me’ in the title is going to take the time to research a musician’s personal life. You know, instead of writing about *my* personal life.

    Oh, babybel cheese…

  17. Brigitte

    Heh. I know *I’ve* tossed some pretty weird searches out there, but they haven’t led me back to your site. Yet.

  18. Leanne

    Oh, Mir. I ♥ you. So much. LOL!

  19. Half Assed Kitchen

    Really, I love these posts. I hope you’ll keep doing them.

  20. MomCat

    I’m betting you left out the weirdest ones! ;)

  21. Aimee

    Maybe it’s just because it reassures me that my weirdness is less weird than the Googlers, but I love these posts.

  22. Heidi

    laughing cow cheese for babies

    Since it’s for babies, it would be laughing calf.

  23. Daisy

    Reading logs are evil? Oh, no. I guess I won’t teach with reading logs this year – unless I get really mad at someone.

  24. jer

    great post – you are very entertaining, even when you ‘got nothin’

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