I’d love to stay and chat, but I have to go make sure I packed underwear. You think I’m joking, but as we pulled out of the driveway last weekend and I started my traditional “I think I forgot something, I think I really forgot something this time” chant to Otto, he nodded and patted my knee, sanguinely, until we got to the end of the road and I started screeching, “WAIT! I DID! GO BACK!”
Oh, I know what you’re thinking—that I’d forgotten to pack underwear. But that would be silly. Of COURSE I’d packed underwear!
No, I’d forgotten to pack bras. Oops.
(In my defense, I’d just done laundry, and they were all hanging up to dry inside the laundry closet when I was packing clothes. Also, shut up.) (There is little a man enjoys more than having to tow a truck and trailer back around the block because his wife is too ditzy to adequately pack for a couple of days away. I’m sure of it.)
Anyway. Chicago! Let’s meet there, yes?
I’m off to BlogHer Business and then part of BlogHer, and I have never been to Chicago before (I KNOW!) and I fear I will spend my entire trip inside the Sheraton, flinging business cards around. Therefore I’ve decided to develop a list of
demands requests to just put out there before I go, and then perhaps ala The Secret (or my own version of that, the hopehopehope method) all good things will come true. Yes? Yes. Of course.
1) You will be wowed and impressed by my hair, which I just had cut and de-gray-ified yesterday. Optional: Assuring me that I can deduct said hair appointment as a necessary business expense; pretending not to notice that my stylist dyed my ears brown.
2) I will be wearing exactly the right thing at every juncture. Even though I am old and cranky and lazy and GONE are the days of me packing seven outfits for three days. I have one outfit for each day. None of them are new or particularly remarkable, unless you count my smartass of a daughter telling me my ruffle-front blouse makes me look like a pirate.
3) My shoes will elicit oohs and aahs, and I won’t develop a single blister. Optional: Admiring my pedicure, which I did myself because I spent all my money having my ears dyed brown; asking how much I paid for said shoes, because you know I love a fellow cheapskate’s admiration.
4) I will neither spill a drink on myself nor say something incredibly stupid while talking to you. Optional: When I do, you will pretend to still like me.
5) Benevolent forces will ensure that I periodically leave the hotel and eat something yummy. (Feel free to be the benevolent force; I’m a terrible decision-maker when faced with more choice than the inside of my fridge.)
6) My new trial pair of contact lenses will behave. Optional: Telling me I look great without my glasses; reassuring me that I look fabulous in glasses when I give up on the contacts is bonus points.
7) I will not throw out my back carrying my ten-ton purse of “essentials.” Optional: Admiring my purse, netbook, or ability to carry all that crap.
8) I will do some work and networking, but also see old friends and make new ones. You will come up and introduce yourself and we will chat. It will be fun! Optional: Complimenting my blog, purse, hair or shoes is more than welcome; acting like I’m anything other than a complete dork is just sucking up.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pack that underwear and bathe in hand sanitizer before getting on a plane.