There are things in this world which I intellectually know to be true, but they remain—in my experience—sort of mythical, anyway, because I have no direct experience with them. Like… oh, I don’t know. Take THE HEARTBREAK OF PSORIASIS. (Anyone remember those commercials?) I’m sure it’s VERY heartbreaking. Anything that warrants the combination of a leading P and then an S is usually something Very Serious Indeed (see also: PSychiatry, PSilocybin, PSalms, PSeudo, and of course, PSHAW). On the other hand, I don’t know anyone who has psoriasis, so I can only imagine the heartbreak it allegedly causes. Similarly, I hear it really sucks to have your seven-figure salary revoked after screwing over the entire country, but I can only barely imagine how terrible that is. I’ll just have to try to imagine it, I guess.
Anyway! My POINT (yes, I have one, honest) is that I’ve been hearing stuff for years about antibiotic overuse and superbugs and I was all, “Yes, yes, blah blah blah, hey, my kid’s got an ear infection! GIMME SOME DRUGS!” I mean, I wasn’t one of those people who wanted an antibiotic for every sniffle, but I didn’t worry about that whole superbug thing. Before.
It’s just that I figured that if WE PERSONALLY didn’t overuse antibiotics, we’d be safe! I mean, isn’t that how it’s supposed to work? (Answer: No, you moron.) But it turns out that APPARENTLY—much like the vaccination issue, where it’s not just YOUR kid, but others who are affected—that even if we’ve used antibiotics sparingly and responsibly, superbugs can still come to roost on my poor, defenseless children because OTHER people have cultivated their massive, hulking, antibiotic-resistant nastiness for us. Swell.
Now. GUESS why this is on my mind today. No, really! Go on! GUESS!!
Remember when my darling boy proved himself bionic by showing only minor signs of illness and turning out to have not only the sinus infection I’d suspected but a bonus ear infection, as well? Wasn’t that FUN? No? You say it SUCKED? Why yes. Yes, it did.
The doctor gave us Zithromax. I like Zithromax for three reasons:
1) The first dose is a double, which (in my experience) leads to quicker abatement of symptoms than a conventional antibiotic, which means more relief, sooner.
2) You only have to take it for FIVE days instead of TEN. But through MEDICAL MAGIC it supposedly works the full ten days, because it’s made from magic and possible centaur sperm.
3) IT WORKS, the end.
As you may recall, I gave Monkey the first dose and took him back to school as he requested and as the doctor said was perfectly fine to do.
The next day I gave him the second dose and sent him to school again. That afternoon he was DECIDEDLY PERKY in comparison to the previous few days, allowing me to marinate in a fresh batch of GUILT for not having realized how sick he’d become in the days before taking him to the doctor.
On the third day, I gave him the third dose and sent him to school yet again. Late that afternoon the doctor’s office called to let me know that Monkey’s brain swab had come back and OH HAHAHAHA, FUNNY STORY! He had strep!
He just had to make sure he really EARNED that Bionic Monkey title, I guess. Naturally, I was horrified. STREP? He has strep?? But I’ve been sending him to school! Because you said I could! And more importantly, he hasn’t said a single word about his throat hurting!
The nurse assured me that everything was fine, and because he was improving on the Zithromax, we should just keep giving it and all would be well.
So I did. And it was.
For… ten days.
For ten days all was well. Well, on the ninth day, one small Monkey was a little cranky. And it’s possible that his mother scolded him for being ornery, because it’s possible that his mother is a moron.
On the tenth day, one small Monkey was a little bit crankier. And his poor father had to put up with him, and wondered why he was being kind of a buttmunch.
On the eleventh day, one small Monkey began to cough, and his father brought him home again and reported that he wasn’t looking so good. This was confirmed by visual inspection and also by the way said child took a shower and dove into bed and commenced snoring inbetween coughs.
On the twelfth day, one small Monkey got up for school and coughed and snuffled and complained that his throat hurts and coughed some more, and he was given various medications and assisted in flushing his sinuses with saline, and finally (somewhere around the time SOMEONE said, “YUCK, is that supposed to be GREEN??”) I had to give up on the denial schtick, and I sent him back to bed and called the doctor.
When last I checked, he’d crawled back under the covers fully dressed and was snoring away.
And I don’t want you to feel bad, or anything, but I’m pretty sure that this variant of strep he has that merely played peek-a-boo with the Zithromax is ALL YOUR FAULT. So please stop overusing antibiotics, because there is nothing more pitiful than my bionic boy succumbing to illness all because YOU had to go and create one of those superbugs.
[Edited to add: Back from the doctor. Strep? Check. Double ear infection? Check. Donut? CHECK.]