I am a deal-maker. I don’t know why. It’s just something I’m prone to, and always have been—I can’t even blame it on the kids.
Life is one big if-then statement, in my world.
And sometimes it makes sense, I guess. Some things do logically follow from others, or at least relate to others. But some things aren’t even slightly related until I decide that they should be. Other things are related but acted upon in a less-than-logical manner.
I may need some sort of support group. Convoluted Conclusions Anonymous, or something.
Clearly I need to demonstrate with some examples, because all of these theoreticals are making my head hurt.
Okay. So. Let’s take a look at at a perfectly logical instance:
If you take good care of your library books, and keep track of them, then I will take you back to the library next week for more books.
This makes sense. This is an iron-clad example of how to do it right, right? One thing leads to another, good behavior is rewarded, etc. Awesome.
Then there’s something like this:
If you are able to get your booster shots without screaming bloody murder, then I will allow you to get your ears pierced.
At first blush, I thought this was perfectly reasonable; SOMEONE is needle-phobic yet wants pierced ears, and said SOMEONE is due for some immunizations. I’ve never owned a cat, so I can’t say for SURE that taking this particular child for shots is as bad as trying to, say, shove a wet cat into a car carrier, but I’m guessing it probably is. Shots are generally accompanied by much crying and carrying on, and given the proximity of the doctor’s appointment to when the ear-piercing is due to occur, I thought this was a perfectly logical deal to extend. Show me some maturity and restraint at the first event, and you’ll be allowed access to the second one.
I was feeling pretty smug, right up until I realized that I had, essentially, informed my child that if she didn’t complain too much about having something sharp stabbed into her arm, I would give her permission to have someone shoot holes in her head.
I’m not any better about it when I’m the target of my awesome deals, either.
If I exercise, then I get to have cookies!
Yeah. Um. That seems fine, except that the main goal here is to get healthier, and if every time I exercise, I then reward myself with sugar… yeah. And I wonder why this whole “getting fit” thing seems not to be working out all that well.
If my neck continues to hurt for an entire week, then I will attempt to find a chiropractor to see about it.
Again, initially this seemed very reasonable. I don’t need to go the first second I feel a twinge, right? On the other hand, I do have a chronic neck injury which was previously greatly helped via chiropractic care, even though the previous chiropractor did turn out to be kind of creepy.
Anyway, by the time my neck has hurt for an entire week, I’m in agony, I’m cranky, and all I want is an appointment IMMEDIATELY. But of course, I don’t know who to see. So I have to do research. And I have to get a referral from my stupid insurance. And by the time it’s all straightened out, I have recommendations for half-a-dozen local chiropractors, but I’ve decided on the one closest to my house (whom no one has recommended). Because I no longer care.
It may be time for a new paradigm. As soon as my neck is feeling better.