I don’t know that I have ever laughed so hard in my entire life as I did at the many and varied responses to my double mystery post this weekend. First of all, y’all have some excellent costume ideas (cereal killer! HAAAAA!!) for sure. And a trip to Goodwill yielded a boy-sized… well, it’s not a trenchCOAT, but it is sort of a trenchJACKET, plus it wins the thumbs-up by virtue of having The Right Price, which in this case was $2.30. He desperately wants to wear sunglasses, but I am JUST THINKING that may not work for nighttime trick-or-treating, so the ol’ fake-glasses-and-moustache may be the way to compromise.
(And that will be even MORE fun because everyone knows the only thing cuter than a little boy dressed up as a spy is a little GIRL dressed up as a spy, and Monkey was mistaken for a girl EVERYWHERE we went this weekend. When I asked him if it bothered him, he said, “Nah. People are silly.” And if I could bottle THAT right there, friends, I’d be rich.)
So: Halloween is a go. As for the puddle in the kitchen…
… truly, some of you scared me a little.
I mean, it would be one thing if ONE or TWO people sort of politely hinted that PERHAPS some cleaners contain ammonia and ammonia is a component in the excretions of mammals, you know. But there were LOADS OF YOU who seemed VERY CONCERNED that a rabid weasel broke into my house, peed on the floor, and then I couldn’t figure out that what I was dealing with was a puddle of urine.
Which, um, REALLY?
Unless our standard family joke about having gotten Otto a puppy (although the children are jonesing for a dog, Otto is kindly playing curmudgeon for me and, at this point, refusing to cave) has reached fruition in the form of INVISIBLE DOG, or unless rabid weasel urine smells like the SPRING FLOWERS LYSOL I generally buy… I don’t think so.
But thank you for your concern. Heh.
[You do know that at some point in the future, now, I won’t be able to resist saying, “I found this gigantic smear of red stuff on the floor, but I have no idea what it is. Can you help me?” Well, now that I said that, I guess I won’t. But still. And no, we never did figure out where the cleaner came from, and the kids aren’t fessing up.]
I really think that 1 for 2 is my kind of odds, though, so I thought we’d continue the fun. If you’re up for it, feel free to solve any of these additional mysteries for me:
1) While the monkey curtain rings I purchased for the kids’ bathroom match the jungle shower curtain and make me smile about my OWN resident Monkey, they are also cheaply made and the plastic primates are prone to separating from the metal hooks. When this happens, the hooks (which are sort of S-shaped) fall down. I currently have two fallen hooks and NO MONKEYS. Where are the monkeys I should be gluing back onto the hooks?
2) I have always been under the impression that potatoes can be kept somewhere dark and dry without sprouting. However, lately I have put both white and sweet potatoes into our bread drawer’s secret back compartment only to have them sprout in under a week. Do you think this is due to something I’m doing, or is the rabid flower-peeing weasel using them for litter?
3) My parents are coming to visit this week, and this weekend is the fall carnival thing at my kids’ school. Is it a nice thing to let Grandma and Grandpa come see the children reveling in their natural habitat, or cruel and unusual punishment to make them spend a few hours packed into the school with hundreds of screaming children? Wait, on second thought. Don’t answer that. (Hi, Dad! Looking forward to your visit! We have something REALLY FUN planned for you guys, honest! Bring a flask!)
Okay, I’ve got to go. There’s this huge puddle of something red and sticky on the floor that I should probably clean up. I think it’s barbecue sauce!