Tell us what you really think

By Mir
June 25, 2008

Oh, hi there! I was thinking about you all morning. Yes, YOU. Many thanks to everyone who chimed in with suggestions for my daughter’s warts (though no one suggested I set aside more money for therapy after discussing her wartiness with the entire internet, interesting). We went out yesterday and got her some Neem soap and some colloidal silver and also some tongue of newt and eye of wombat, plus I ordered some stuff to tape up horses, or something, I DON’T KNOW, it’s kind of all a blur, now. But thank you for all of your collective expertise and kind words, it really was very helpful.

And yeah, we decided she can continue to swim in OUR pool, at least. We’re already exposed, so I just can’t get too worked up about it.

I would’ve come and said all of this earlier this morning, but I couldn’t, because I was picturing my slow death at the doctor’s office.

The good news is that thanks to some cancellations, Monkey had his first long-awaited appointment with the specialist this morning. (You may recall that Otto and I already had the history appointment a few weeks ago.)

The bad news is that our appointment was at 9:30 and we arrived promptly at 9:20 and waited until nearly 10:45. And then I DIED. Because as much as I hate waiting for that long in a waiting room, as much as I hate waiting that long when I have an early morning appointment, as much as I hate waiting that long when I have a million things I need to be doing, as much as I hate doctors believing that their time is more valuable than their patients’, as much as I hate ALL OF THOSE THINGS, there is NOTHING I hate more than having to make a child wait that long.

You know, I am rather fond of my children. And for all of their faults, I happen to believe that on the whole they’re pretty good kids. But I have to say that I don’t know an 8-year-old on the planet who can sit quietly in a waiting room for 90 minutes while people go in and out and talk on their cell phones and people who came in later than us get to go in, be seen, and LEAVE before we’ve even been acknowledged. That’s just insanity.

Monkey sat and read his book. And then he sat and cuddled with me for a while. And then he sat and bugged Otto for a while. And then he read some more. And then… he started whining.

Hard to blame him, really. I sort of wanted to whine, myself.

And finally, FINALLY, the doctor came out, and all three of us started to head in, and the doctor said, “No, I just want to see him alone for a bit,” and I faltered. Would Monkey object? Monkey nodded and waved at me, and as he disappeared around the corner with the tardy doctor, we were able to overhear the following exchange:

Doctor: Hi, Maaahnkey.
Monkey: Hi. The next time we come here we’re going to be an hour late because you made us wait an hour. Also, it’s MONKEY. You’re saying it wrong.

That’s my boy.


  1. RuthWells

    Extra friggin’ points for Monkey!!! (We give extra points to our kids when they do something unexpectedly marvellous. The points don’t mean anything, you understand, but they love to receive them.)

  2. Jeni T

    OMG that is too funny about him talking to the doctor like that. At least kids are able to get away w/ some things only us adults can think! :) Here’s to hoping next time you won’t have to wait as long.

  3. Megan

    suhMACK down. Well done Monkey. And probably said in a beautifully polite and reasonable tone of voice too (whereas if I’d said it there just might have been bits of bitchiness peeking out here and there).

  4. Lisa

    Awesome! I have a daughter just like him!

    And waiting that long is just WRONG!

  5. Patricia

    Give that boy a milkshake and a side of poptarts! Seriously, he is awesome and should perhaps be mopped up with a little bread.

    What I really want to know is when you heard that, did you cheer and high five with Otto in the waiting room? Because that, now that, would have been super awesome.

  6. merlotmom

    Kids say the darndest things – thank goodness. Yay for Monkey. I would have bitten the doctor’s head off and given it to the dog. That is just not right.

  7. elizabeth

    oh yeah, big points for Monkey. too funny. I’ve wanted to tell that to so many drs.

    hope the eye of newt does the trick. I shuddered the rest of the day after reading about the warts/virus. (reminder to self – don’t follow links)

    and then NPR aired a report about itching on my drive home, I was so itchy by the time I got home, yeesh.

  8. Bronie

    good for monkey! hope everything went well after that crazy long wait. and the warts? yeah. that eye of wombat should do it. hoping chickadee clears up quickly and that ‘the force’ is with the rest of you. ;)

  9. First Rough Draft

    Good for him! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to tell a doctor (or any other sort of professional) that I would be an hour late next time and they will just have to suck it up and wait for me.

  10. Zuska

    I just LOVE Monkey!!! Did you keep a straight face? Because I surely would not have been able to do so!!!

  11. Susan

    Way to go, Monkey! And, extra credit for refusing to allow his name to be mispronounced–that is a personal pet peeve of my own.

  12. Em

    I love it when my kids say something I am too ball-less and/or polite to say. Of course, then I have decide whether to pretend to chastize them… much better thing to overhear.

    Besides doctors offices, it seems the place to make children wait is the portrait place. We make an appointment, show up on time with everyone napped, changed, fed and ready to smile only to wait an hour so we can get a photo of disheveled, angry children. And pay for the privilege because we’re not going home emptyhanded after all of THAT!

    I hope the real telling off came when Monkey had him alone.

  13. LiteralDan

    If you were me you would have disguised your voice slightly from the waiting room and said, “Ooooooh! Burrrrrnnnn!!”

  14. ccr in MA

    Awesome kid! I want to have that confidence.

  15. Jules

    Bravo Monkey!

  16. Carol

    I love Monkey. Can he come talk to MY doctor for me?

    And I’d love to know how the doctor responded to THAT!

  17. The Other Lori

    Monkey needs a blog. Seriously.

  18. Ramblin' Red

    LOL….I’d say the Monk-ster takes after his pretty mama?

  19. AmyM

    Awesome! Gotta love people who don’t hold back!

  20. Mother of Two

    Wow… that is a boy who was raised RIGHT I tell ya!!!!!!!!!!
    I think Monkey deserves something… I don’t know… maybe a new pony…

  21. Sue @ My Party of 6

    Isn’t it great when your kids say something you would love to but can’t? WTG, Monkey!

    I’m glad Chickadee can still swim at home and I hope some of those potions work (and report back, please, so we know, mkay?).

  22. Cat

    I could regale you with times I also had to wait like that. Nothing like making a child who is 2 1/2 years old wait for an evaluation. I was sick, he was bouncing off the walls. I was in the room in the doctor’s office for over an hour and that didn’t count the time out in the main waiting room. I finally said something. Yes, I was a chicken in those days. The other notable time was when I went to my own doctor this year and the front desk didn’t notify her I was in. She left and went to lunch. And hour and almost a half later, they realized their mistake. Hmmm, seems I’m still chicken. Actually, it was a nice break from all the other hectic demands of my life as a single parent of four. Anyway, I LOVE your site. I want mine to be just like it when it grows up…well, okay, not exactly like it but you know what I mean.
    Great writing, great humor, and I can so relate! Keep it up!

  23. Beachgal

    Awesome comeback. Good for him. And lordy the stories I have about waits at the doctors for all my husbands visits. it’s evil that the doctors can get away with it.

  24. Erin

    That is too funny! My younger sister has been seeing her nuerologist her entire life. Although he is the best there is, he’s ALWAYS late. Sometimes by hours! Ever since she could talk, she’s told him exactly how late he is every time. She’s 18 now and still does it. Though now she usually adds something about how she’s going to start charging him for her time instead of the other way around!

  25. Leandra

    What I want to know is, how in the hell do say Monkey wrong? I’m pretty sure I’ve only ever heard one pronunciation.

  26. TC

    So was it worth the wait? How’d the appointment go?

  27. Heather

    Haha yay Monkey. ;)

  28. BOSSY

    And the chorus goes, “Awwwwwwwwww.”

  29. Tammy

    Monkey, you are my hero. And your mom’s. ;)

  30. Tootsie Farklepants

    It would behoove the doctor to listen to Monkey’s sage words.

  31. shannon

    that’s awesome! whenever i have to take all 3 boys in for an appointment for one of them, i let them scream and bang the chair around in the exam room to make the nurse/doctor move a little faster… only when i’ve made an early appointment and can see on the sign in sheet there’s no one else there or maybe one other person and they make us wait 10 min in the waiting room, then take us back to the exam room and wait 20-30 min. more. i swear…what’s up with that?!

  32. kris

    Monkey is awesome.

  33. getsheila

    Tell Monkey to hurry and grow up so I can marry him, please. Remind him to invent a fountain of youth potion along the way, though, so I can drink it and be all young and hip. Otherwise that would just be WEIRD.

  34. Dani

    Did he REALLY????

    I love that kid. :D

  35. Honey Mommy

    Isn’t it nice to have children who will say what YOU would really like to say but can’t because you’re supposed to “know better”?

    Way to go Monkey!

  36. Daisy

    Ah, another reason I love your Monkey!
    When my son was young, he was introduced to a Bigwig at my uncle’s church. Mr. Bigwig said, “Nice to meet you, Amigo, how old are you?” Amigo replied, “I’m 8, how old are you?”

  37. Woman with Kids

    Way to go Monkey! Wonder what the Dr said to that?

  38. jennielynn

    YES! Give that kid an ice cream cone!

  39. alala

    Amazing. I always want to say that, but I always lose my nerve. Monkey has inspired me to show more courage in the future.

  40. Noelle

    Atta boy Monkey! I wish I had his nerve.

  41. Heidi

    Good for Monkey. Way to stand up for himself. You have raised him right. Love kids, they say the things we wish we could say!!

  42. KarateMom

    The thing that ticks me off about waiting at a “specialist’s” office is it’s not like he’s had to run off to the ER for a “specialist emergency” or anything like that. I had to wait 90 minutes at an ENT’s office and I was thinking, “What? Was there some sort of life or death NOSE problem somewhere?”
    It’s OK at the Lady Doctor because she may have had to go and deliver a baby.

  43. ImpostorMom

    That is awesome. Gotta love that Monkey.

  44. Jodi

    WTG Monkey-man!

    Was at Whole Foods today with two neighbors. One is a blog reader like me and had seen your shellfish post. Turns out her 14yo daughter has had this for a year. She bought some of that Neem-whatever cream to try. Also, just FYI, they have a fabulous pool that we have all wallowed in and nobody else in the neighborhood or in her family has broken out in clam-warts. Swim on, Chickie, swim on.

  45. Lindsay

    Dude. The comments section of the last post was legendary. I laughed, cried, scared the shit out of myself, and googled some stuff that ended up taking me to the kind of sites that make me want to clear out my history in case people are coming over and using my computer. All in like 3 minutes. Awesome. Good luck with it all.

  46. Astrogirl426

    That’s totally awesome. I am a wimp, so I fear my son is getting wimpy, passive behavior modeled for him, instead of stick-up-for-yourself behavior. But I’m working on it. Maybe Monkey could teach a class in sticking up for yourself? Where do I send the money?

    Yeh, fill us in when you’re able – we’re all interested in knowing what the (tardy) doc thinks.

  47. Walking In My Sleep

    Send the “Specialist” a bill – at your combined hourly rate (Otto, Monkey and You) – for the time he kept you waiting, ’cause you can be sure that if you were an hour+ late for the appointment, he’d not only bill you, but you’d lose your appointment.

    Come to think of it, do the same for Chickadee’s doc yesterday.


  48. jen

    You go, dude!!!!! I bet that doctor had a serious double-take from that! And hopefully he’ll think about what the boy said. :) Out of the mouth of babes…

  49. Kris

    Good for Monkey! Give ’em hell, kiddo!

  50. Kristi

    No need to worry about him, huh?

    I hope Monkey told you all about the doctor’s reaction??

  51. Paulla

    I love that boy.

    Waiting rooms are Evil.

  52. Lori

    Yay Monkey!

    And Mir, my hat’s off to you – I would have left. In fact, I had a allergist appointment for my 6 month old where I did just that. The first time we were in the office (kidling #2 was just 2 1/2 months old) we were kept waiting for 45 minutes. For our second appointment I tried to game the system & got the first appointment of the morning. After waiting 30 minutes this time,in an exam room, I asked the nurse when we would be seen. She said the doctor would be in shortly. I waited another 5 minutes & then asked again. She said she was expecting him any minute. Huh?! Apparently the time-waster wasn’t even at work yet! Needless to say I asked for my son’s medical records and lodged a complaint with my insurance company – And now drive 2 1/2 hours to Boston to see a specialist. Lovely. :)

  53. chris

    yay, monkey! when ds1 was a year old, he had to have the tubes in his ears checked, dr.sob made us wait 90 minutes!
    usually i had to put a full-body hold on the boy so his ears could be checked. i “happened” to let his legs go, and in less than 15 seconds he kicked the doc in the balls. sweet

  54. SoMo

    He is perfect.

  55. All Adither

    Did you really get Collodial Silver? If so, please give it a Google before feeding it to anybody. Or maybe it’s a joke and I’m just really slow?

  56. barb

    Yay Monkey!!!

  57. ben

    Oh, sorry I missed the Wart Advice thread; we fought them for years (YEARS) on my son and the doctor finally admitted there was a prescription they could give us but didn’t want to say anything because it’s expensive but hey maybe we should try that since nothing else worked and we said what the hell and you know, turns out insurance covered every penny and in three weeks the warts were GONE and we wish we had four years of telling him he wasn’t a freak just because he had warts on his hands and we couldn’t get rid of them back.

    Oh, and go Monkey. He is so gonna be my lawyer someday.

  58. Aimee

    Monkey is the awesome. The end.

  59. airportsox

    Ya know, I would really like to borrow Monkey… there are a couple of doctors that I see who could use a couple comments like that. LOL! Go Monkey! And I hope Chickadee feels all better really soon! :o)

  60. themuttprincess

    That was great!

    I bet it made you want to just hug him!

  61. Cele

    Gotta love that boy, you could probably make a mint cloning him.

  62. Lady M

    Awesome. What did the doctor say back?

  63. David

    God bless Monkey! That was perfect! Also priceless!

  64. Lori (apparently one of several)

    After once waiting in the exam room for 45 minutes, I wondered out in a paper gown at 12:25 (to find a bathroom) and found a deserted office – they had gone to lunch!

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