Cadbury Hummus Eggs all around

As is so often the case, the moment where I hit the wall—and it happened yesterday morning right before I wrote that post, which was right after my darling son took a swig of the medication I offered and then promptly gagged and spat two teaspoons of liquid somehow, inexplicably, into a gallon of mess on himself, the couch, and the carpet—is the moment where things start to improve for no reason at all.

Throughout the day I read through your kind comments and grumbled to myself at every suggestion of shakes or protein powder or anything else. Because he was eating NOTHING. He was drinking NOTHING. He was shoving ice cream away, whining that it was too cold. He was saying he couldn’t drink through a straw because it hurt and that he couldn’t drink from a cup because he couldn’t get his mouth right on the rim. He was taking an hour to eat two ounces of yogurt and crying about it like I was beating him. I was at rock bottom in terms of how to care for my kid, and it was killing me.

But last night he ate four bites of mashed sweet potato! And half a piece of cornbread! (Mushed up in a bowl and drowned in melted butter so as to resemble the consistency of porridge, but still!) And then this morning it only took him half an hour to eat a single toast triangle and drink a cup of milk! We shall call it progress. YES WE WILL.

In the meantime, it appears that Easter is nearly upon me. And you can call me a slacker (go ahead, it’s true, anyway) if you like, but somehow between the whole “my son is a starving cyborg” drama and the decision to find a new church, I sort of, um, well, forgot.

So now it’s Friday and here is what the Easter Bunny has done so far: Hello? Easter Bunny? HELLOOOOOOOOO? Status, please? Oh, right. Thanks. The Easter Bunny is pleased to report that last summer when all of the pool accessories and stuff went on clearance, there was a trip to Target wherein he picked up some new goggles and dive sticks for the children. Because nothing says CHRIST IS RISEN like DUDE WE CAN OPEN THE POOL SOON!

[Last night Otto told me that there’s algae growing on the swamp on TOP of the pool cover, which means we’re likely to have an algae issue IN the pool when it’s time to open it, despite the billion dollars we spent on chemicals when we closed it in the fall. Which means I am hoping the Easter Bunny brings ME some algaecide, because that shit is expensive.]

The Easter Bunny would ALSO like to report that he has purchased… what’s that? You have WHAT? Okay, the Easter Bunny says he has—in addition to the pool stuff—“jack.” And I don’t know what jack is, but— Oh. Right. Jack.


So I was bemoaning my lack of planning to Chris this morning, and saying how maybe if we hadn’t spent so much time the last couple of days talking about hummus recipes I might’ve gotten it together to go buy some Easter candy, and then of course we started talking about how Monkey can’t have any of the good stuff, anyway, both because he can barely eat anything at the moment AND because the orthodontist gives you a list a mile long of things that are forbidden. And they might as well have named that list DELICIOUS EASTER TREATS because jellybeans are too chewy and Sweet-Tarts are too hard and caramel is too sticky and blah blah blah.

So Chris and I decided that Cadbury should make hummus-filled eggs. It’s possible that it was funnier to us than it will be to you. It was especially funny to me because Monkey doesn’t like hummus, anyway, so that would solve the problem of him trying to figure out how to eat it….

And now I have a shocking confession to make. I don’t really know why, but I have NEVER bought chocolate bunnies for my kids. We’ve always had smaller treats. But guess what? There’s a first time for everything, and chocolate—plain, ungooey chocolate, preferably of the not-too-thick, chiseled-off-a-hollow-bunny variety—is about the only Easter goody that Monkey is going to be able to eat, anyway. So I am going out later to buy the biggest chocolate bunnies I can find.

Unless, you know, I can find those hummus eggs.


  1. Megan

    Augh! I was sure Easter was next weekend. Isn’t Easter next weekend? It is, right? RIGHT??? Damn that means my Children, who have been counting down the weeks, then days, then hours then shaddupalready minutes are probably aware that it’s not next weekend. Which means I’ll have to jettison my fine plan to fill their baskets (read “containers which will hold stuff… no of course I won’t use the salad bowls Child, that was last year…) with 50% off post-season sale candy. Fine.

  2. chris

    You can always fill some of those plastic eggs with hummus.Think of how exciting that would be to find them on an Easter egg hunt.

  3. All Adither

    I was just going to suggest that you melt some bunnies and pour the chocolate down his gullet. That’ll do ‘im. Poor Monkey. Peeps, perhaps? Torn into tiny pieces. Perhaps liquid chocolate swimming with Peep bits. An Easter stew, if you will.

  4. Sue


    I’m glad Moneky is feeling better. Just reading about his ordeal makes my teeth ache a little in sympathy. Maybe he could eat Nerds? (And I remember squirting liquid into my mouth with my mom’s turkey baster when I got my braces. It did hurt to use a straw.) Hope it’s all on the upswing.

  5. Jennifer

    ahhhh the guilt – Yesterday my son had an easter egg hunt at school which required that we bring plastic eggs filled with candy. My poor child got last year’s plastic eggs augmented with the crappy leftover Halloween candy that no one in our house will eat (vanilla tootsie rolls).

  6. Patricia

    I’m heading to Target to see what I can find because um — my bunny has purchased a SINGLE lego (Stormtrooper) watch for my boy. Yup that’s it.

    Combine that we the fact that my kid has a MASSIVE sugar problem (or I have a problem when he eats sugar, I forget how that works) I’m thinking the bunny isn’t bringing all that much this year. Oh and somehow I have to set-up an egg hunt; find a church to go to; and make Sunday Dinner — URGH….why did Easter have to be so early…I’m so not prepared.

  7. Aimee

    Well, I’ve always thought that chocolate could do with a little garbanzo bean/tahini/garlic fllling. What’s not to love?

  8. Heather

    Whatever you do DO NOT let Monkey have Jolly Ranchers!! Nothing sucks more than having your mouth temporarly stuck shut because you got the sticky hard candy stuck to your top and bottom braces! NOT that I would have NEVER EVER eaten Jolly Ranchers when I had braces….Just Saying..

  9. Bobbie

    After opening our pool after our first winter in our new house only to discover that the water was as green (and thick) as pea soup (I took pictures!), we have since discovered that it makes a lot of sense to peel back a corner of the cover in March (we’re in Connecticut, so I’d suggest January for you) and dump in a bunch of Shock. We’ve had clear water ever since!

  10. Astrogirl

    Ummm. Yeh, the whole Easter coming early thing (hey, did you know it won’t come this early again for another 200+ years? And that the way they figure out when Easter comes is that it’s the first Sunday after or on the first full moon after the vernal Equinox. So there you go.) – I’d blame that for my lack of preparedness, but really, I wouldn’t be fooling anyone.

    Anyway – despite knowing all this, smarty-pants that I am (can you tell I was the teachers’ pet growing up? :)), I have bought exactly zippo for Bunker Monkey. So, looks like I’ll have to fit in a trip to Target today, while Bunker Hubby watches the boy, to stock up his Easter basket. We try to stay away from massive amounts of sugar too (if only because his relatives will more than make up for the “oversight”), so it’ll be mostly small toys/trains.

    Easter Bunny is also giving Momma a gift – a 4 hour meeting with the partners at the internet startup she’s a part of (4 hours! With adults! And no kids! Heaven!). Yay!

  11. Melisa

    Yay for progress!

    Our girls are getting gift cards (in small denominations) from the Easter Bunny.

  12. Leandra

    I made the trip to Target today for sleeping bags from the Easter Bunny (cause that’s the only other thing that says Christ is Risen better than pool toys) and I just realized I forgot the m&m’s. Dang!

  13. Ani

    Heh? The Easter bunny is bringing art sets here. We’re still slowly working our way thru Halloween candy.

  14. Ani

    Oh, one more…

    Does anyone else find it very creepy that they have chocolate Easter crosses in the store??? Weird.

    Nothing says Christ is Risen like…chocolate?

  15. hollygee

    How about making truffles? Oozy, soft goodness of truffles? Melt some semisweet chocolate (like a 3 oz bar of Ghirardelli, broken up) on 2 or 3 power in the microwave for 5 minutes or so, stir in a tablespoon of unsalted butter and 2-3 tablespoons of heavy cream. Flavor with [pick one] 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla, or 1/8 teaspoon of almond or peppermint, stir, chill. In an hour or two, use a melon-baller to scoop out balls. Roll them in cocoa.

    Ta-daaaaaa! I’d make at least 4 times the amount.

  16. jennielynn

    Mmmmm…chocolate hummus.

  17. Cele

    Everybody Sing….Here Comes Peter Cotton Tail
    Hopping down the candy trail,
    Hippity Hoppity, Easter’s on its way!!!

    Peeps that come in pink and blue, purple ones are just too new.
    Hippity hoppity Easter’s on its way.
    Yellow peeps are right for me, Monkey can have the pink you see,
    Hippity hoppity EASTER’S On it’s WAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

    Easter’s here, and I think you stink,
    To request your Peeps yellow or pink,
    If you want your Peeps, then take it or leave it!
    Cuz’ I got purple, YES! Believe it!

    Hop to it!!
    Support Purple Peeps!!
    From the Committee To Promote Endangered Easter Purple Peeps

  18. Cele

    Okay way too much coffee this morning, anyone got a stale peep? ;)

  19. Jenny

    Cele — I probably do. My husband squirrels them away so they’ll become appropriate stale and every now and then I open a drawer in, like, the laundry room, and see a row of peeps staring back at me.

  20. Jenny

    Appropriately, that is.

  21. Sheila

    The Easter Bunny will be attempting to hop his way through 15″ of new snow (yes, you read that right. FIFTEEN INCHES OF NEW SNOW!!!), so I don’t think my children will be celebrating the rising of our lord and savior with anything but last year’s plastic eggs filled with Lucky Charms. Alleluia!

  22. alala

    What? It can’t be Easter yet. The weather isn’t good enough.

  23. StephLove

    Easter’s early this year; you can blame your lack of planning on that. It just snuck up on you. I know it snuck up on me. Easter also falls on my daughter’s birthday this year, which caused me to forget all about it as well. But my childless sister, who misses doing things like Easter baskets, offered to make them this year for both kids. Score! They arrived in the mail yesterday all made up.

  24. Jan

    I will just say in a very teeny small quiet voice that at my house, the Easter bunny hides colored eggs. He does not bring gifts. At all.

    I suck, apparently.

  25. Susan

    I can’t believe you people are still calling it the “Easter” bunny. Haven’t you read that it is now the “Spring” bunny? ‘Cause you know, Easter is a RELIGIOUS holiday and if you call the bunny the “Easter” bunny, that makes him religious and that is SO OFFENSIVE to everyone.

    Btw, I have jack for Easter, too. I’m going to have to go to Wal-Mart on a Saturday to remedy the situation and that just sucks.

  26. Mom24

    I’ve been thinking about Monkey…glad he’s doing at least a little better. At least by our store shelves, LOTS of other Easter Bunnies have failed to realize the big day is almost here, you should be able to find something.

    I will also say in a very tiny small quiet voice that DD eats whatever she wants and has never caused damage to her braces–not that you can really encourage that I guess.

  27. Scottsdale Girl

    I just like saying



  28. becky

    i can only imagine the hummus-filled plastic eggs that you find NEXT year because somebody hid them too well. ew.

  29. meg

    Yeah we have an easter bunny miscalculation too. You can’t really get those big flash eggs over here (and unlike you we have sadly produced those each year), so my sister is bringing some over from NZ today. But… their plane is late and they won’t make the connection with the last boat out to here and will have to overnight in Nadi which means… I need to explain in the morning why the easter bunny is delayed!!! oops… any ideas???

  30. Jamie AZ

    Hummus eggs – ick!

    We’re in AZ now, but we were in Dallas before and we’ve never “closed” our pool for the winter. We’ve just always kept the pumps running on a less frequent schedule and kept doing the chemicals like usual and we’ve never had a problem. Just curious, what’s the purpose of closing your pool down and covering it rather than just leaving it open? Since we’ve never done that, I have no idea. I hope yours isn’t too icky under the cover!!

  31. Daisy

    One of our favorite Easter Basket stories is of the Anti-Easter rabbit. One of our pet rabbits stole a Cadbury egg out of the basket, took it down the basement to his cage, then came upstairs and did the same thing with a second one. He didn’t eat either one. The funniest part? He was a tiny dwarf rabbit, and we never did figure out how he managed to carry such a huge “egg” down the basement stairs.

  32. Flea

    Happy Easter Mir! Chocolate bunnies and all. Did y’all watch the Wizard Oz this evening, in honor of … why exactly do local stations play the Wizard of Oz every Good Friday anyway?

  33. Little Bird

    My parents did the Easter egg hunt too, but instead of eggs (which I wouldn’t have eaten at gunpoint) they just hid candy (not in plastic eggs) around the house. If you combine the fact that there were a million tiny hiding spots in the house with my dislike of candy it stands to reason that we were still finding that candy at Christmas time. Yes, I am weird, I do not really like candy. Just very specific kinds and that was never what my parents got. My mom loved easter ’cause she got to eat all the chocolate bunnies. Good luck with the finding of candy that Monkey can eat. Maybe if you just gave him his own bottle of chocolate syrup? To be eaten any way he chooses?

  34. Michelle

    The only thing I look forward to at Easter time is Cadbury eggs. Creme, caramel, chocolate.. they are all so delicious.

  35. Brigitte

    Ha ha, I’m imagining my 3-year-old’s sheer horror if she ever found a hummus-filled plastic egg!

    They do make teeny chocolate bunnies, they come wrapped in foil and in bags (though they are the nasty, cheap chocolate). Those might be better than getting him a big bunny that he can’t bite! Though I still entertain fantasies of someone one day getting me one of those fancy, giant, price-in-the-three-digits chocolate bunnies from Munson’s, mmmmm.

  36. Ladybug Crossing

    So with this orthodontia they tell you that you can’t eat all the good stuff… Well, honey… I’m here to tell you that you can eat almost anything – as long as you are careful…

    My #1 eats everything except butterfingers – too hard, and caramels – way too sticky. Everything else — he eats.

    Oh – give your sweet Monkey some tylenol as soon as he gets out of bed in the am. It will dull the pain enough by breakfast that he can eat… continue with the tylenol every three hours and by the next day, he’ll be fine.


  37. LuAnn

    You could make hummus eggs, a la the “Spam Lamb” they made in the Greek Orthodox Easter episode of M*A*S*H. Good luck with the chocolate bunnies. I hope you find one that has to be carried with TWO HANDS! :)

  38. Amy-Go

    Poor Monkey! How about a six pack of chocolate pudding for his basket? Delicious, contains milk, plenty mushy…

  39. Melissa

    i managed the easter basket chock full of horrible candy, eggs, crayons, and other small treats. And I got an easter dress. But I FORGOT THE FRILLY SOCKS. So my daughter will have a gorgeous dress but some very ordinary, if not ugly, socks down below. I am a terrible mother.

  40. Damsel

    Between you and Chris, I had to make hummus last night. Just couldn’t help myself. :) Not that I needed an excuse.

  41. Betsy Bird

    For some reason the Easter Bunny never seemed to bring my kids much of anything. Apparently we were not on his usual route. Occasionally he’d bring a few Reese’s eggs or something, but never anything that cost more than about $5. Somehow, they survived.

  42. DBN

    (Noting that a post on want not about saving on pool supplies would be FABULOUS. That stuff kills me every summer.)

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