Don’t wake up with a stomach ache.
I said DON’T. You already did? Geez, you don’t follow directions very well, do you? Fine, then.
Do dig around until you find some chewable anti-gas antacids to take.
Don’t wonder why the wrappers are sticky. You probably don’t want to know.
Do drink some water to get the nasty “tropical” taste out of your mouth. Yech.
Don’t be grumpy with the children, just because you’re not feeling well. Speak softly as you wake them up. (Don’t worry; they’re grumpy enough for all of you!)
Do move around slowly until you start to feel a little better.
Don’t be surprised when you feel a little better; maybe it’s going to be a good day, after all.
Do set out breakfast, pack lunches, check email, and ever-so-gently nag the children to come downstairs.
Don’t engage in an argument with your daughter about her shoes matching her shirt. She won’t believe you that she looks fine, anyway, so why waste your breath?
Do put some Neosporin on that thing on your son’s face that you hope is just a scratch becoming a scab, but which is starting to look more and more suspicious.
Don’t Google “staph infection.” You moron.
Do kiss everyone goodbye and wish them a wonderful day.
Don’t look at the clock and freak out over everything you need to get done. Did that help? No, it didn’t. I told you.
Do go ahead and get dinner into the crockpot so that you don’t have to deal with it later.
Don’t chop all of that garlic and onion by hand—your stomach isn’t going to appreciate it all that much, and your morning meeting may wonder why you’re trying to fend off vampires.
Do remember to actually round up the stuff you need for your meeting.
Don’t forget to take the address, too.
Do clean up the kitchen once dinner’s done, patting yourself on the back for being so organized and tidy.
Don’t turn on the dishwasher before you shower. You moron.
Do remember to tell your family how hard you toiled for them this morning, when you had a million things to do, and a stomach ache to boot.
Don’t be surprised when they whip out the world’s smallest violins to express their “appreciation.”
Do remember that no good deed goes unpunished… or, in this house, unmocked.
Do remember that we love you
What birchsprite says. Also remember that tomorrow is a clean slate and that while today might not be the day to end with something lightly alcoholic and or carb-o-riffic it is definitely right to give in early and crawl into bed with a nice friendly foot-warmer.
Don’t stop posting! I love your blog, hence the 8:39 visit. I waste my time reading only the finest the internet has to offer…
Bwah! It’s nice that the stomach ache does not affect your sense of snark…. Feel better soon!
You’re not getting what Chickadee had, are you??
And yes, do not Google Staph infection. I’ve made that mistake more than I’d like to admit.
I’m glad you’re using your crockpot.
feel better.
oxox
steph
Definitely DO NOT google staph infection, but most importantly don’t tell anybody if you DID.
DO get pissed off when they make fun of you.
DO tell them that you hope their hand rots off and EXCUUUUSE YOU for caring about them.
Do remember why you had children.
Don’t forget to count to 10 first.
Do remember to XYZ before meeting.
Don’t forget to make brownies – just ’cause.
Do remember there are others who like brownies.
Don’t procrastinate getting in the shower while reading blogs and posting replies, because you know how crazy it makes you when you only have 20 minutes to get you and Bunker Monkey ready and the car has to be scraped off and you forgot about the 3 other stops you have to make before meeting your boss at the train station, hopefully before her train takes off (you moron) and you wind up getting fired.
Oh, and don’t type run-on sentences – so annoying.
You’re welcome :).
DO try not to curse loudly while running around the house — with stomach ache — to find your daughter’s costume for the school play five minutes before she has to catch the bus.
DO NOT kill your husband when he tries to suggest perhaps you want to do preschool carpool this morning because now you’ll be home (despite the fact that you JUST SAID you were in pain).
DO cancel all meetings and the shower.
DO crawl back into bed and catch up on favorite blogs (because there’s nothing else to do lying in bed and BY GOD has conversation on the TODAY show always been this inane?)
You still cook when you’re feeling sick? You are one tough broad.
DON’T eat the children when they mock you. It won’t help your stomachache. ;)
Yeah, what Amy-Go said.
And don’t forget that we think you’re THE AWESOME. :)
Feel better!!
Don’t get stuck behind a garbage truck while dropping off your screaming baby at the babysitter.
Don’t call to find out what happened with the paperwork you submitted at work FIVE MONTHS AGO!!! which was never fully processed.
Don’t get annoyed when the cute person in the above dept. then gives you an EARFUL about how remiss you’ve been not to submit items from YEARS ago despite the fact that it never was your job in the first place and she knows it.
I could go on…
Hope your day gets much better! Feel good and thanks for letting me vent!
If you spy a blue spot that resembles toothpaste on your wrist, DON’T lick it off. It might not be toothpaste.
I hear ya.
Oh crap. I read your post too late to listen to your advice. I, too, woke with a stomach ache. Who knew these things were communicable via the internet?
DON’T forget to go back to bed when children have gone.
Do remember that antacids taste and work better with lots of water. Hugs from our house.
DO believe your not-quite-graceful (where’d she get that?) 4-year-old when she yells from the other room that she hurt her finger.
DON’T start laughing when she reports that she tripped and hurt it in a shopping cart at Wendy’s. (Ah, imagination. I do know where she got that!)
Do feel better soon!
“Don’t turn on the dishwasher before you shower. You moron.” – totally something I would do. Hope you feel better soon!
Feel better soon! I hope today is a better day.
I don’t have a dishwasher; but, I have a washer, and I’ve turned it on before a shower. Yeah, I’m too bright some times.
GO here, buy this. DOn’t ask questions just do it. IT works.
http://www.colloidsforlife.com/Mesosilver-250mL8-45-oz
My kids all had staph infections last year, on their faces. This started to clear it up immediately. We didn’t need to use antibiotics and there were no scars. My friends little baby had it a month later, she used the antibiotics. It took months to clear up and there is scarring.
So, it works. JUst buy it and slop it on.