Don’t wake up with a stomach ache.
I said DON’T. You already did? Geez, you don’t follow directions very well, do you? Fine, then.
Do dig around until you find some chewable anti-gas antacids to take.
Don’t wonder why the wrappers are sticky. You probably don’t want to know.
Do drink some water to get the nasty “tropical” taste out of your mouth. Yech.
Don’t be grumpy with the children, just because you’re not feeling well. Speak softly as you wake them up. (Don’t worry; they’re grumpy enough for all of you!)
Do move around slowly until you start to feel a little better.
Don’t be surprised when you feel a little better; maybe it’s going to be a good day, after all.
Do set out breakfast, pack lunches, check email, and ever-so-gently nag the children to come downstairs.
Don’t engage in an argument with your daughter about her shoes matching her shirt. She won’t believe you that she looks fine, anyway, so why waste your breath?
Do put some Neosporin on that thing on your son’s face that you hope is just a scratch becoming a scab, but which is starting to look more and more suspicious.
Don’t Google “staph infection.” You moron.
Do kiss everyone goodbye and wish them a wonderful day.
Don’t look at the clock and freak out over everything you need to get done. Did that help? No, it didn’t. I told you.
Do go ahead and get dinner into the crockpot so that you don’t have to deal with it later.
Don’t chop all of that garlic and onion by hand—your stomach isn’t going to appreciate it all that much, and your morning meeting may wonder why you’re trying to fend off vampires.
Do remember to actually round up the stuff you need for your meeting.
Don’t forget to take the address, too.
Do clean up the kitchen once dinner’s done, patting yourself on the back for being so organized and tidy.
Don’t turn on the dishwasher before you shower. You moron.
Do remember to tell your family how hard you toiled for them this morning, when you had a million things to do, and a stomach ache to boot.
Don’t be surprised when they whip out the world’s smallest violins to express their “appreciation.”
Do remember that no good deed goes unpunished… or, in this house, unmocked.