Another way I’m falling apart

By Mir
December 14, 2007

A few years ago I was getting new glasses for Chickadee—whose ocular health I attend to with a smothering level of unwavering attention, owing to the pediatric ophthalmologist who saw her when she was a wee tot and assured me that it was good we were there, otherwise she MIGHT HAVE GONE BLIND in that one wonky eye of hers—and it occurred to me that MY glasses were sort of old. So I browsed around and found some frames I liked and when the optician asked if I had a current prescription I said—because my health is important, y’all—“Well, I can see okay out of these ones I’m wearing now. Can you get the prescription off of them?” And he did.

As a result, I am walking around in a prescription that is around six years old. I don’t want to get all technical on you, but in optical parlance that’s considered IDIOTIC, and so it came as a surprise to no one except me when I started having a lot of trouble seeing these last few months. But after endless weeks of squinting at the computer screen and daily headaches, I ran right out to see the eye doctor.

You may recall that we have this handy little GPS unit, and I love it and hug it and call it George Audrey, and so I looked up the optical place and got the address and programmed it in and figured I was all set. For the sake of discussion, let’s say that the address was 1234 Bigass Road.

I skipped off to my appointment yesterday, leaving myself PLENTY OF TIME because I like to be prompt and occasionally I get lost. Yes, even with the GPS. Shut it.

Well, I drove and drove and drove and drove to my designated exit, and Audrey told me to EXIT RIGHT, so I did, and then she told me to KEEP RIGHT ON BIGASS ROAD, which I did, and then she said ARRIVING AT DESTINATION ON RIGHT.

On my right? A liquor store. I like the way Audrey thinks, truly, but at that moment I was really more hoping to go to the eye doctor. I told Audrey perhaps we could knock back a couple after the glaucoma test, but that first I had to FIND THE DAMN OFFICE.

The thing about Bigass Road, of course, is that—wait for it—it’s kind of a bigass road. Like, three lanes in each direction, lots of traffic, and strip malls and office building galore. So at first I thought maybe the eye office was set back from the road… maybe BEHIND the liquor store? But no. It was nowhere. I drove a little further and then managed to turn around.

I called Otto on my cell phone.

Him: Hello?
Him: Hi!
Him: Okay, let’s see. Where are you now?
Me: I’m coming up on Suchandsuch mall.
Him: Is that inside or outside of the loop?
Me: What??
Him: Are you on the inside or the outside of the loop, right now?

(That Otto is a LUCKY, LUCKY MAN. It is a neverending joy, being married to me.)

After some discussion (which involved me accidentally getting back on the highway! oops!), Otto successfully navigated for me and I ended up at the eye doctor—about a mile from where Audrey told me it was. It was also on the opposite side of the road.

I parked and went in.

Optician: Hi, welcome to Eye Place!
Me: Hi! Guess what! I do not think this is 1234 Bigass Road!
Optician: *looking at me like I have twelve heads* Right… that’s because it’s not. This is 3241 Bigass Road.
Me: Really? Well that explains it. YOU MIGHT WANT TO TELL GOOGLE.

Needless to say, we hit it off immediately.

The optometrist couldn’t have been a day over ninety, and he talked a lot. A LOT. He also pulled articles out of a manila folder he kept on his desk, to illustrate his talky talky points.

For example: I said that I’ve never been able to wear contacts, because my eyes are too dry, but did he think maybe I should try again, because—

Before I could finish, he had whipped two articles out of his trusty folder and was talking a mile a minute. One article was about subjective perception of vision correction with contact lenses in people with astigmatism. (Summary: Toric lenses move around a lot. People report blurriness when the lenses move. Wear glasses.) The other one was about how eyes get dryer with age. (Summary: The older you are, the dryer your eyes. People over 40 shouldn’t wear contacts. The end.)

Me: Hey! I’m only 36!
Him: Yes, but you already have dry eyes. Give it up.


When I was able to get a word in edgewise, I pointed out that once upon a time I’d had separate glasses for reading and working on the computer, and I don’t quite remember when someone told me I didn’t need those anymore, but given that I sit at a computer for twelve hours a day and am starting to be unable to see a damn thing, could we maybe get me some glasses specifically for close work?

He pulled out another article. This one was about the loss of focusing ability that comes with advanced age. (Summary: As you get older, everything stops working, even your eyes. Consider yourself lucky that you can still get to the bathroom on time.)

Then he examined my eyes, and GUESS WHAT! I need a different prescription. SHOCKING!

I also need reading glasses. And a translator who speaks Abbott and Costello:

Him: The reading glasses are really just a less strong prescription.
Me: Okay, so, will they also magnify stuff? Because everything seems kind of small.
Him: Yes, they will do less minifying.
Me: Minifying?
Him: Yes, because you’re near-sighted your glasses normally minify, or make things smaller, to bring your vision into focus.
Me: So the reading glasses will have some magnification?
Him: They’ll be less minifying, yes.
Me: But will they MAGNIFY?
Him: They won’t minify.

(At that point I committed a ritualistic impaling on the little wand I’d been using to cover one eye.)

I got away from the optometrist and went back out front to choose some frames. I was the only one there in the middle of the day, so I had the whole place to myself, and the optician was very attentive. In a stroke of EXTREME LUCK (about time, no?), she also had EXACTLY the same face shape that I do. So for the first time EVER I had someone who was actually REALLY GOOD at helping me pick frames.

(It’s a sad, sad story. I have a very narrow face, so the rectangular frames that everyone is wearing now which I LOOOOOVE make me look like a pinched weasel. I require a shape that does not have a right angle at the lower outer corners, but cuts in so as to dispel the appearance of my face being only the width of a strand of vermicelli.)

This particular optical place offers deals on complete sets of glasses where EVERY FRAME IN THE SHOP is the same price. I love that. I mean, we all know they’re paying $3 a pair, anyway, so why not make it easy? I was loving life, going through all of the frames, not worrying about the cost.

Except. I couldn’t find anything I really liked. Part of that is because—when you wear glasses—trying on glasses is a losing game. As soon as you take OFF your glasses, you can’t see very well. Then you put on a frame, and you have to press your nose up against the magnifying mirror to even barely see yourself, at which point if you’re lucky you can’t really see because the lenses of the frames always have something useful like the brand name stamped across them, and if you’re NOT so lucky, you spend that time in the mirror going, “Damn, I should’ve plucked my eyebrows before I came in. Is that a zit? JESUS, when was the last time I had my color done?” and so on.

So out of nowhere, the optician comes up with a pair of rimless titanium frames. (You know the kind—they’re essentially two lenses held together by a small bridge in the center, and then the wispy arms are drilled directly into the lenses.) “I just love these,” she confided, “and I just bought a pair for myself. The shape is perfect. Try them on! You’re gonna love them.”

She of course waited until I had them on and decided that I DID love them to tell me that those frames were more expensive than the others, on account of they require polycarbonate lenses, and also they are assembled by endangered fairies in a forest in Upper Slobovia.

But. They WERE the right shape. They also weighed about half an ounce and were practically invisible. I wavered. And then I ordered them, because MERRY CHRISTMAS! Allow me to open my wallet and allow everyone in this town to GRAB A HANDFUL OF MONEY!

I also ordered a pair of (cheap!) computer glasses, and am looking forward to finding out what work is like when I’m not squinting and rubbing my temples. Though according to some of those articles I read yesterday, I suppose I’m lucky to still be able to lift my arms at all.


  1. Amy

    Hmmm…I have an eye appt. on Monday (for recurring dry eye! Yay!) and it IS behind the liquor store. Woo hoo!

  2. Megan

    I did not hear that about contacts after 40. I did NOT hear that. I remind myself that Madeleine L’Engle (who won a really prestigious literary AWARD damn it so she’s practically sainted and knows everything) wore contacts well into her 70’s.

  3. Lisa

    I’m 39 and planning to START wearing contacts! I am!!

  4. Zuska

    After than conversation, I think my brain would begin minifying. For the record, I’m 47 and I hope to be in contacts until I’m 99!! My eyes were drier when I was younger than they are now, or else contacts have improved and are better at retaining their moisture and flexibility. I plan to use the word minify alot today. Thank you.

  5. Flea

    I just turned 40 and was considering getting contacts in the spring. Just to shake things up. And I’ll bet you find, once you’re wearing an updated prescription, that you’ll be able to wear those beautiful polycarbonate lenses when you do close work. Amazing what a new prescription does.

    BTW, have you been to the dentist lately? :P

  6. Burgh Baby's Mom

    My eye doctor was able to find contacts that I could wear, despite my astigmatism and really dry eyes. It mught just have been because there was no way in hell I was wearing glasses all day every day, what with my prescription for Coke bottles, but WOOHOO I have contacts!

  7. Deborah P

    I’m well over 40 and have worn contacts for lo these many years and plan to continue as long as my (future) elderly shaking hands can get them in. I do have occasional problems with dry eyes which make the contacts uncomfortable, but that’s what the “tears” products are for.

  8. beth

    If your eyes are dry normally (even without contacts) and it annoys you, you can get little stoppery type things put in your tear ducts (sounds awful, but it doesn’t hurt at all!) to help them drain more slowly. My hubs had this done and we are reveling in the extra cash that comes from not single handedly supporting the entire eye drop industry. And his eyes aren’t dry and itchy anymore either. Which is probably the more exciting development from his perspective.

  9. janet

    people people people… i’m WELL over 40 and i wear contacts. i have since i was 11 for cryin out loud. used to wear hard lenses, then gas-permeable and now finally, as of last summer, soft lenses (which i love love love). hey, my DAD wears contacts — and he’s almost 78! sheesh

  10. maddy

    I’ve been wearing contacts since I was 14, and I plan to wear them until I croak. (I’m in my 40s, so hopefully the croaking is not imminent.) Tons of my friends in their 50s and 60s wear contacts.

    I have never had an eye dr. tell me I couldn’t wear contacts as I aged. Maybe my eyes are not particularly dry? What if you use those re-wetting eyedrops throughout the day?

    But if you have cool new glasses, I guess the contact issue doesn’t matter!

  11. Mama Bear

    I have those rimless “pay through the nose and every other orifice possible” glasses as well. I lurve them, and you will too. Mostly it’s because there is no rim to obscure your vision AND since I also can no longer wear contacts, it’s the next best thing to no glasses.

  12. Heather

    I have some of those titanium glasses and I LOVE them. In fact, I just bought a second pair (different from the first, which are two years old). I got updated lenses in the old frames and a completely different shape for the new ones (always keep a spare pair!). Actually, I have the same problem you do; one pair has bifocals and the other is just for computer work. I have a very small head and face (I can wear children’s frames and hats), despite the fact that I am not small at all, and I have loved these terribly expensive frames since day one. The great thing about titanium is that with small children, you don’t worry so much about them breaking the earpiece when they get hold of them! :)

  13. All Adither

    Glasses! Faucets! What’s it going to be tomorrow? A new chandelier?

  14. Lou

    The last time I went to purchase new lenses for my old frames, the technician BROKE them. BROKE. I was heartbroken (ya know, ‘cos of the whole trying to see yourself in new frames when you can barely keep from walking into walls and people).
    PLUS I was with my mom’s husband (a relatively new addition) and he answered all of my pleas with a question.
    “How are these?”
    “Hmm, I don’t know. What do YOU think?”

    AhhH! (He was probably just trying to protect himself from certain death. But I would have taken criticism constructively. Pinky swear.)

    My advice is to next time try a new eye doctor. And look up reviews online. However, the very best way to go is to get a personal recommendation. From someone not crazy.

    The last time I had to go to a clinic, I looked up reviews online and one mentioned that he wanted to drive a Mac truck through the clinic itself. So I went, ‘cos I mean, wouldn’t you have? I thought the guy was just over-zealous. BIG mistake. Next time I will take heed.

  15. Jean

    Your descriptions are precious and make me laugh out loud. I love you even if you are blind.

    My husband also does that thing on the phone where he ignores the urgency in my plea and says something like “hello to you too” or “I’m fine, how are you”. Can he not recognize the panic/urgency/frenzy/stress and simply respond???

    You make all of life entertaining. Thank you.

  16. Ladybug Crossing

    Hey! I have those titanium multi million dollar glasses, too! I love them. I got them for LLB. Mr. has ’em too — he got them first, actually. I LOVE those glasses – the only thing you have to remember is not to put your shirt on over your head while you are wearing the glasses. The thingy that hold your glasses on your ears – those things.. they will break. Mr. has gone through 2. LLB and I haven’t had any issues, though.


  17. Emily

    I’ve been wearing glasses since the 3rd grade. My eyes are so bad that glasses routinely run me AT LEAST $400 (no vision insurance here either – bummer). Of course this is because of the exact same ‘endangered fairy polycarb lenses’ that are light weight and ‘thin’. I feel your pain.

  18. Sara

    Am I the only one who gets a spike in blood pressure and impending anxiety attacks over the eye exam where they place the lenses in front of your eyes and then ask “Which is better 1 or 2? And now 1? 2?” I have to remind myself that this is NOT a test and if I don’t answer the way they think I should they will not laugh and point. They won’t will they? I’m getting myself all worked up thinking about it. Thank goodness my next eye appointment isn’t for several more months.

  19. Headless Mom

    Hmmm, your description of the eye guy makes me want to go RIGHT OUT and do this too. Never mind the fact that it has been over 10 years with no new prescription. Yes, I’m the one you want to be in the car with, especially at night when the depth perception goes down to almost nothing. Yes, that’s me! The safe one.

  20. kvv

    “…only the width of a strand of vermicelli.”

    Mir, you make me laugh! I love it.

    I was thinking the other day how most of the blogs I read have pictures, and I love looking into people’s lives; yours I just have to come back to for the humor and great writing.


  21. Not The Mama

    Ugh. I hate unhelpful GPS units (even when it is not their fault). I also hate paying through the nose for glasses/contacts. I just recently got new contacts (I have the extended wear kind so I can sleep in then for a week or so at a time — it’s like having perfect vision!) but I need to get new glasses too. I’m just not up for the drama of trying on 8 million pairs of glasses and not finding any I like. I hate the opposite problem — my face is really round/fat so lots of glasses make me look like a chipmunk. I may just have to have new lenses put in my current frames, even though they are practically falling apart they are so old.

  22. Katie

    Our GPS unit is “Karen” and I hate her. She routinely has us get on an “off” interstate ramp just to merge back “on” to the exact same interstate. I do not like her one bit.

    Congrats on the new eye glasses! Last time I picked out new glasses frames, I wore my contacts. Genius! (At least I like to think so.)

  23. Andrea

    If you are looking for a deal on glasses (and you are Mir aka WantNot, so OF COURSE you are!) try Costco’s optical department. The guy there said that they carry the exact same frames as most clinics but at great prices. They also have a great warranty should something go wrong with them.

  24. Contrary

    I recently went to the eye doctor too. Pookie and I went together and sat in on each other’s appointments.

    So I was feeling all good about myself with the doctor telling me how nice my eyes are and how healthy and how maybe my eyes should be in the gifted program because they make all other eyes look stupid, and I’m all, ‘Oh yeah. I still got it baby’, and then he says the same stuff to Pookie.

    Fine. Whatever.

    Maybe you should get some glasses too Doc.


  25. Sheila

    Hey! Each day I look in the mirror and find I am STILL driving straight towards 1234 Bigass Road! And no minifying, either!

    As for your eyes, I have two words for you:

    LAS – IK.
    Best thing I’ve ever done. As a bonus, I had some kind of special monovision correction during the procedure, making reading glasses unnecessary for another 10 years or so. At least my eyes can pretend to be young and spry while my butt continues its expansion from three lanes to four.

  26. diane

    My 76 year old opthamologist never said I shouldn’t have contacts…and although I’m almost 49, he kept saying “at your young age..”

    I love him.

    After Jan 1 (when the paltry $120 vision benefit and my flexible spending account reset) I need to get new glasses. Like Emily, my eyes are terrible, and I’m anticipating a minimum (minified total?) of $400 WITHOUT new frames. Gah.

  27. The Other Leanne

    Reading glasses: the more you wear them, the more you need them. In two years you’ll be completely blind without them. They’ll be tied to a string around your neck.
    Your description of picking out frames is brilliant–you can’t see with ’em and you can’t see without ’em!

  28. Heidi

    I have dry eyes. Regardless, I wore contacts from ages 14 to 41, keeping my handy bottle of constantly used eye drops within reach at all time. Screw vanity–I LOVE LOVE LOVE my glasses.

  29. Heidi

    Oh, and Beth, my tear ducts were cauterized–CAUTERIZED, people–to keep maintain moisture in my eyes. It helped for several years. Did I mention I LOVE my glasses?

  30. Kristen

    I started wearing contacts at around 17 or 18. I always had to have super expensive ones due to the fact that I have double astigmatism. (I was told I have both a wavy lens and football shaped eyeball. Not sure how true this is.) When I was 20 they had to change the type of contacts that I wore because they no longer made my original kind (the 70’s version of contacts). They gave me weighted contacts, which would spin in circles at the most inopportune time. Like when I was driving with my 7-month-old in the car. I went back to glasses. Then 2 years ago my husband shelled out the cash for Lasik surgery. I am now 25 and have 20/40 vision for the first time in 15 years. The End.

  31. Marvo

    I’ve had the same glasses metal frame for about six years. The lenses have been changed once. There’s actual pitting on the inside of the frame, which means my skin is probably somewhat corrosive.

    Oh, that so makes making out hard.

  32. susan

    I went glasses shopping with a girlfriend once and brought along my digital camera and took pictures of her with all the frames she liked and then she scrolled through the pictures when decision making time came. this also eliminated the trying on the same frames over and over because you can’t quite remember what they looked like because you’ve tried on 20 other ones, except you think you remember you think you might have liked them.

  33. MissAugust

    I read this blog every day, love it and am de-lurking for the first time. I have wireless rims, have had them for several years, love them, adore them, etc., etc. Here’s the thing: they don’t require poly-carbonate lenses. How do I know? My eyes are so wonky that I can’t see through poly-carbonate lenses (it’s like looking at a fun-house mirror, cool for about a second, then pretty nauseating) so my rimless glasses come with regular lenses. If your new glasses arrive and you can’t see through them, if the prescription is right, it could be the poly-carbonate.

  34. Onyx

    Thank God! Someone else has noticed the completely frivolous task of trying on lenses when you can’t see what your trying on! I find it somewhat akin to testing perfumes when you’ve got a headcold, or something like that.

    Mir, I heart your blog with a huge-mongus less-then-three symbol and about a million exclamation points at the end.

  35. Jenny Ryan

    OK, I’m finally de-lurking now that you’ve mentioned the loop. If I remember correctly, you recently moved down here to Georgia, right? So I know exactly what you’re talking about. When I got here I met all these people who were suddenly talking about where they lived via acronyms like “OTP” and “ITP”. I was all, WTF?

    Of course I eventually learned that they were referring to The Perimeter, and whether you were located inside or outside. In my personal opinion, the perimeter is actually the gateway to hell, so we live OTP, far enough away to escape its evil influence.

    I have had many similar conversations with my husband, most notably when I was going south down the highway (not the loop), missed my exit, turned around so that I thought I was now going north on the highway, but somehow had ended up on an entirely DIFFERENT highway. So my conversation was just as hysterical, but was more, “Help me! I don’t want to go to Alabama!!”

    I really like your blog :)

  36. Leandra

    Do you think it’s possible to find a pair of glasses that would minify my butt when I look in the mirror? Cause if so, dude, I’m so getting them!

    That conversation, btw, was priceless. You should have said “I’m SO blogging this conversation” but he probably wouldn’t have known what you meant. Then you could have pulled our YOUR folder of all knowledge!

  37. saucygrrl

    I have the same kind of rimless glasses! A word to the wise, take them off using both hand and not like me, where-in I only employ the use of my right hand to grab the right arm of my glasses and proceed to whip them off my face. I say this because, in no time, your frames will likely be extremely crooked. Not that you can’t just get them reshaped and all… it’s just more convienent if you don’t have to in the first place.

  38. Kristi

    Alright. What kind of GPS do you have? I am buying one for the hubs this Christmas and have all but settled on the Garmin 660. WAY MORE than I want to spend but it seems that it has all the options he/I want (actually SAY THE NAME of the STREET, not just “turn in 200 ft hope you brought your tape measure”)and Bluetooth and traffic receiving capabilities and no measurements in meters. Please tell me you hate Audrey because she is a TOMTOM or a Magellan. Or all they all just unreliable?

  39. Flea


    I take my glasses off when I make out. It heightens my delusion that I’m prettier without my glasses. And prevents nose smudges. Oop! TMI?

  40. ScottsdaleGirl

    I am so nearsighted I should have been born with bigger ears.

  41. Stephanie

    Ahh yes…eye exams. I had one a couple years ago where the doctor examined me and told me that *I* had absolutely no vision whatsoever in the left eye. I thought he was nuts (I believe I may have muttered something about “bad astigmatism” at him in response.
    Fast forward to earlier this year-where I was diagnosed with having a corneal disease which in fact does mean I have no usable vision in the left eye, because my cornea is coned at the bottom. In the last 2 months I have had not one, but TWO specialists hunting down some way to get me some vision in the left eye…without having to get inplants to essentially prop up the thin parts.
    Is it generally humiliating when you have to *guess* the letters of the very top row ( you know, the ones that are about 6 inches high?) or am I just oversensitive?

  42. Shari

    *clapping my hands with glee* You made me laugh! DURING FINALS! I love you! This was just hysterical to me. Apparently, your optth… ophtt..opt.. eye guy REALLY wanted to be a LIBRARIAN when he grew up and his favourite song is YES! We have NO BANANAS! Articles and minifying. Sheesh.

    My Daddy? Did not start wearing his contacts till after he turned 55. Contacts are also very, very useful to have for when you pick out glasses! Actually contacts were invented to solve the glasses-choosing-conundrum, and then they took off. Heh.

    And I tried a hearing aid in my right ear (had always worn one in my left ear) for the first time this year because they always told me it would be too hard to make the adjustment. Well SCREW THEM, Mir… 30 years, I could have this extra dimension to my hearing ability if I had ignored them and SEEN FOR MYSELF. So you know what my assvice will be – try anything once, hon.

    I mean, you got married again, Mir. For pete’s sake, you have enough balls to try contacts! Only go to someone much younger and who loves his work. My eye-guy makes me sit through “Updates In Contact Science” lectures everytime I go in there, but I have severe astigmatism and allergies and I am a happy 18-hour-a-day contact lens wearer!

    I clearly am too tired to recognize social boundaries such as when to stop talking anymore, so I’m a-stop here. Love ya!

  43. D

    I had to share this one with my Mum – 65, wearing contacts. her comment – you need a new eye doctor.

    Oh, and folks have been telling me, “Please, please, please tell me this woman [you] who had the MRI stuff isn’t with Kaiser.” I told them I’d ask, but to not expect a reply … though they all are hoping that your “female bits” are okay after the “make out” sessions with other parts of your anatomy.

    I have no life – and I admit it. :-)

  44. nan

    Oh, lordy, thanks for the laughs. I love the way you write about the irritating little things, and make them so funny! You are da best.

  45. Daisy

    Uh-oh. I’m over 40 and i wear contacts. And, well, I like them. Good thing my eye doc isn’t your eye doc, although I’d kind of like to visit the liquor store after my appointments.

  46. Jen

    I’m in optometry school so I finally feel like I can contribute to this discussion!
    If you have dry eyes, you’re not a good Lasik candidate. But really, the best thing to do is get a consultation, because there are about 20 other factors that play into the decision. It is true though that there have been a lot of new developments in contact lenses, and while your optometrist may be really experienced and all…he might have been in school when lenses were just starting and hasn’t gotten up to date since. Rest assured, if you really wanted contacts, there are ones you can try and see if they fit into your lifestyle. (even if you have dry eye and astigmatism!)And I third or second whoever said, take your rimless glasses off with one hand…because they are definitely more fragile than regular frames. But so feather light! (I have a pair too) And, they last so long that I frequently have patients just get new lenses if the prescription changes.

  47. C~

    Oh, Mir. Mir, Mir, Mir. I’m 46. I have been having eye strain and headaches for the last few months. My Sam’s-Club, 3-for-$10 glasses are failing me, dang it. I was thinking of going to the eye doctor. I haven’t been in many, many years. I don’t have one here in Texas. Um, maybe it would be worth the drive to come visit yours… LOL *sigh* I hate that I am failing apart, too…bit by bit.
    Also, this? “Him: Are you on the inside or the outside of the loop, right now?
    Me: I AM IN MY CAR.
    ” made me laugh so hard. That was me the first 3 years I was in Sacramento.
    Steve: Where are you?
    Me: I’m on 80…
    Steve: Which 80?
    Me: Huh?
    Steve: Are you one Business 80 or Bypass 80?
    Me: Oh, now…what in the %#@&? There are TWO 80’s? What is the purpose in that? %#@&! Just to %#@& with me? WHY? How the…I don’t know which 80 I’m on…
    Steve: How can you not know which 80 you’re on? What was the last exit you saw?
    Me: Oh, hell…Marysville Rd…OMG! Am I in Marysville? Holy crap!! What do I do now?

    Steve: You’re not in Marysville. Calm down…

    Actual conversation…swear to God. Seriously? I got lost right up to the last day we lived there…8 years…

  48. Bronie

    you’re a funny girl! thanks for the new word. i plan to use “minify” as much as possible today because reading it made me smile. i think i’ll start by asking my kids to minify the mess in their rooms, and when i get the eye roll, i’ll tell them to minify their bad attitudes as well. :)

  49. Jamie AZ

    Former glasses and contacts wearer. I loved my contacts, but I now love LASIK even more! Hubby and I both had it done almost 6 years ago (and I had to go first, that scaredy cat! No, I was just more prudent about making the appointment). Anyway, if you are a candidate and have the means ($$), I highly recommend it. It’s amazing to roll over in bed and be able to see the alarm clock without reaching for your glasses first, not to mention see the world without assistance.

    Glad you found some glasses you liked, Mir, even if you had to dip into the college funds to pay for them! :)

  50. Tootsie

    You had me at the Looney Tunes reference. I heart you even more.

  51. Julie Stiles Mills

    Delurking here. “And a translator who speaks Abbott and Costello” I laughed out LOUD over that one! LOVE your blog! I found it through Chris at Notes from the Trenches.

  52. Squash

    Another delurker. I second the person who mentioned bringing a camera next time you get new frames. I believe you actually even know someone who is a photographer! I always bring my husband and his camera. He sees my face more than anyone else (including me), which is helpful for picking out glasses that actually make me look good.

  53. Chuck

    I have some minor hearing issues but I’ve always had good eyesight. I need to make an appointment with an eye doctor so that I can do well on a test, to make up for getting middling results from my hearing test (damn high frequency loss.) I guess it’s a geek thing. I don’t like doing badly on a test, even a medical test.

  54. Kathleen

    Delurking here myself. I know you moved to Georgia and have assumed that it must be the metro area. Have you noticed how the streets change names just becuase they feel like it? Drove my N.O. husband CRAZY! There is no such thing as going around the block if you miss a turn or you will end up in Alabama! Welcome to Georgia — and it is finally cold enough (Almost) for Christmas!

  55. Heather

    My husband got a pair of the titanium glasses last year…just wanted to tell you to be careful with the screws (or whatever they are) that hold the glasses together in the lenses. Be sure to check them to make sure they aren’t loose. My husband’s glasses ended up in two pieces because those pieces were loose! And it is very difficult to see through them when they are in two pieces! hahaha

  56. Therese

    My doctor never told me anything about contacts after 40. And I didn’t start wearing them until I was 43! I do notice, however, that my left eye is really dry after wearing them about 10 hours.
    And another thing–don’t clean the polycarbonate lenses with paper towels or tissues or else they will become scratched something fierce (something else they didn’t inform me!)

  57. LuAnn

    I think I’m going to make a bookmark folder labeled something like, “for one of THOSE days” … and ‘Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda’ is going to be my first link!

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