Things I would’ve mentioned

By Mir
November 14, 2007

The thing I found most interesting about having my blog out of commission for the better part of a week is that there’s a part of my brain which notes “blogworthy” moments/thoughts/items and when I am not allowed that outlet by which to share them with the world…

… I realize that wow, 99% of my thoughts are pretty inconsequential.

[Insert clothes-rending and general wailing about my station as but a speck in a vast universe here.]

Nevertheless, the brain dump availability of a blawwwwwwg does come in handy. Plus, I am all about the sharing. For example, after yesterday’s post—a veritable love letter to that husband of mine—Otto reminded me that the last time I asked him what he’s getting out of this marriage, he answered without hesitation, “Beer bread.” Ah, romance.

Anyhoo. Here are some other things I feel it is imperative to share with the world, because I’m like that and I have several days where I couldn’t saddle you all with my minutiae to make up for, yet.

* * * * *

Are you creative? Do you want to win a DVD for your kid? Hit us with your ideas for a chance to win. (Okay, technically that’s not a thought. But it IS sharing!)

* * * * *

We are having a small ladybug invasion. Tis the season, apparently. I wouldn’t know, as back in the northeast I assume all the ladybugs have frozen to death by now. (Today’s forecast here: 75 and sunny!) I sort of like it. I mean, it’s gentler and kinder than locusts, as if perhaps they are warning not of God’s wrath, but just that He is slightly miffed.

* * * * *

If you are a small boy, and you spill have a cup of milk down the front of your sweatshirt at breakfast because you see something shiny and just sort of, I don’t know, forget where your mouth is? You will not understand why you need to go change your shirt. In fact, being forced to change your shirt will seem like CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT, as being milk-soaked is delightful.

* * * * *

Have you ever gotten up in the morning and walked into your kitchen and looked at that INCREDIBLY UGLY LIGHT hanging over your kitchen table, the one that hardly gives off any light, even, and often clocks you on the forehead when you’re leaning over to serve the kids, and right then and there in your robe you storm over to the computer and order a new fixture? You… haven’t? Oh. Well. Neither have I. Ahem.

* * * * *

The other day I went to the bank at 4:45 and they had already locked the doors (bastards) but the drive-through was still open. The reason I’d wanted to go inside was that I was out of deposit slips, but faced with this situation I waited in line and when I pulled up to the giant tube-sucky-thingie and the disembodied voice asked how I was doing today, I responded that I was fine, but that I was out of deposit slips and could she please give me a bunch of them? The tube *SCHHHHHWOOSH*ed away and returned with… three slips. I used one for the deposit I was making, which left me with a whopping two spares. That doesn’t seem like a “bunch” to me, but perhaps the bank is on a rationing system, and I can have more, but not until I use up those two, missy!

* * * * *

I found myself watching Extreme Makeover last week and as much as I really want to just hate everything those sorts of shows are about (“Your life would be better if you had bigger boobs!”), I found myself mentally checking off all of the procedures they were doing that I would love to have. No, not the gratuitous lipo and such… but damn, if someone wanted to take me in and pay for my lasik and teeth whitening and give me an amazing haircut, I wouldn’t turn ’em down, is all I’m saying. (At this point I would settle for the amazing haircut.)

* * * * *

One of the drawbacks of working from home: Sometimes you get into the habit of working in your pajamas well into the afternoon. Which is not a problem until someone rings the doorbell, at which point you may find yourself executing the “Stop, drop and roll” away from the windows to avoid detection. And then you will feel like a moron, because you are hiding from people in your own house.

* * * * *

Ahhhh. Wow, it’s good to be back.


  1. All Adither

    That dental work they do is incredible. I would like it if someone could wave their magic wand and shrink me a few inches.

  2. Megan

    I don’t stop-drop-and-roll I just bolt for the bedroom. Stupid really as we have a ginormous front window that is right next to the door – however I am utterly convinced that the sheers over that window are impenetrable. Particularly if flannel is involved – flannel that is a coupla-three inches too short… which leads to a wailing cry about WHY they can’t make long-enough flannel pajama bottoms? WHY??

  3. Stephanie

    We had a ladybug infestation once in our old house. It coincided with a wasp attack. My husband called to tell me not to come home because the house was covered in wasps. I did not believe him, I mean, really, how many could there BE, until I pulled up in the drive and immediately put the car back into reverse. Even for a few days after he sprayed, I could still not see out the window because there were so many. I am not allergic or anything; I just cry like a baby when stung.

    What a great deal on that light fixture!

  4. Karen

    I work from home about 3 days a week and I totally relate to the pj thing. Sometimes I find myself rushing to get showered and dressed before 6 PM when my boyfriend is coming home from work. I just thank god we haven’t reach the age of video confrencing at my firm.

  5. Leandra

    I would take ladybugs over ants any day of the week, that’s for sure. Our ants seem to have headed our for parts unknown, fortunately. If you want to send a few ladybugs my way, I won’t mind.

  6. birchsprite

    you have drive thru banks in America…wow

  7. Steph

    Yeah, we get the ladybugs here too (northeast GA). I hadn’t noticed the 14 on my ceiling until you mentioned it though…I asked the pest control people one time what to do, they told me to wait…and that they come in through ladybug holes. The fun part is when they die and you get to vacuum up lots of ladybug skeletons (that you find for the next year)!

  8. Heidi

    I executed the drop-and-roll just last week when two young ladies appeared on my porch, hoping for the opportunity to save my soul. Jammied me should have invited them in to meet Buddha, who calmly graces our living room. That would have given them all kinds of things to talk about.

  9. MomCat

    A couple of weeks ago, in preparation for painting, a crew spent all morning in covering our windows with thick plastic. I walked by unconcernedly at 2 p.m., thinking said window in hallway was still covered, to find that they were done and had taken it down, and the two men were standing right outside said window. Clad in only a tee shirt and sleep boxers, I did a very quick, flatten-self-to-the-wall maneuver. Like a drop-and-roll, only for the less athletically inclined! I think one painter saw me, but he was gracious enough not to say anything.

  10. Chris

    It is also GOOD to have you back……;)

  11. Contrary

    I too work from home. I’m a dog groomer. I cannot count the number of people who have seen me in my robe with the bedhead rocking because they wanted to drop their dog off at 7am.

    I do not get dressed that early in the day.

    Thankfully, the dogs don’t care. They frankly don’t understand the whole clothes thing anyway.

  12. Niki

    We were in the western NC mountains 2 weeks ago, and the ladybugs were unbelievable. And – they were IN our cabin. By the hundreds. Just in the girls’ bedroom, of course, the only people who couldn’t sleep in a room with them! I took to capturing them in a cup and setting them free, but they kept coming back, apparently around the window somewhere. I am normally a ladybug fan, as they’re cute, and sweet, and you rarely see them (a good trait in bugs), but this was a serious overdose.

  13. Fran

    My bank does the whole rationing of deposit slips thing too.

    Dude… I want to let you hold my money for you. 90% of my transactions are from outside of my home area. Hand over the deposit slips and we can both be happy.

    Then they tried to tell me if I wanted more than 4 at a time I’d have to pay like 10 cents a piece for them. What?!

  14. tori

    Is it wrong that I stay in my pajamas a lot of days until noon (or later) and answer the door in them with absolutely no shame? My UPS guy has seen me in my workout clothes, my pajamas, and quite possibly even just my underwear as I race past the door to find some clothes in our laundry room. Perhaps we should invest in some window coverings for the windows on our front door.

  15. arduous

    @ birchsprite, there are drive through banks in PARTS of America. I myself have never been through one. I guess they figure it’s warm enough in California that we can get out of the damn car. So I was just as impressed by the schwoopy tube thing as I’m sure you were. In my mind, this tube is like an old-fashioned vacuum cleaner. But instead of picking stuff up, it shoots it back out of you.

  16. saucygrrl

    muha HA! I totally to the stop drop and roll.

  17. Lisa

    We have the ladybug infestation thing here, too. Disgusting. I’ve looked up was to get rid of them, talked to pest control people, tried it all. The best way I’ve found to get rid of them is – are you ready?? – the vacuum cleaner. Yup, no sprays kill them, smashing them lets off that awful ladybug stink, so we suck ’em up in the old Windtunnel. It has to stay below freezing for quite a while before they disappear (’till next year).

    AND, I’m frustrated for you by your bank issues! I work at a wonderful bank, a small independent, non-corporate crappyness bank. I cannot believe they locked the doors that early (assuming they’re open till 5)! I run out of deposit slips before I use all my checks in that book too, so here’s what you do: go to the lobby, and they should have a supply of the blank ones at the little desk in the middle (for your ticket writing convenience) and take all they have from there, and leave them 3! Do this every week or so till you have a good stockpile.

  18. elizabeth

    I’ve had the ladybug invasion, but missed it this year some how. We haven’t had the ants we usually get either so I must have done something to piss off the insect world. Wish I knew what it was so you could do it too!

    btw, loved the love letter to Otto. you gotta keeper there for sure.

  19. Kelly

    I frequent the drive thru at the bank alot. Mainly b/c I normally run to the bank while still wearing my husband’s jammie bottoms (ok how freakin lazy is that, but come on they’re COMFY). Unforunately our banks have now instituted a lovely camera device at the schwoopy tube thingy so not only do they get to see me I get to see them to. Geesh, what’s the point in going to the furthest lane if you still have to make eye contact?!

  20. Melisa

    Be thankful you have ladybugs and not scorpions…

    We paid a company $1100 last month to seal our entire house after finding just ONE crawling across my living room floor. One is too many.

  21. Katie in MA

    I bet it felt as good to let that all out as it did to read it!

    As for the Drop & Roll phenomnenon, realizing I no longer cared enough to employ said technique was one of my Oh-My-God-I’m-a-Mom moments. Before, I would never dream of leaving my bedroom without clothes on and hair done. Now, two (small) children later, I don’t think twice before I march outside to get the paper in my pajamas, with my mop of hair (mostly) piled on top of my head. Living on the edge, Mommy-style.

  22. Christine

    Your son misses his mouth when drinking too??? I thought it was just mine, who is 12 and has finally figured out how to NOT be distracted by something shiny.

    It’s noon here in the Inland Northwest and I have just put on “regular” clothes. Spent the morning on a conference called in my bathrobe (I HAD actually taken time to shower, just didn’t bother with clothes)

    Glad you are back and I can continue to lurk.

  23. Jenny

    We’ve had a lot of weird bug issues, too. I blame the freaky, droughty weather. Currently on wasps and ladybugs. So far the ladybugs seem to hang out near the windows, which is fine, but the wasps careen drunkenly about the room and land on your head. Which is not so fine.

  24. cce

    Strange about the ladybugs. Here in Mass. they have all but died and the few remaining have been smart enough to take up residence on the indoor plants. Survival of the fittest and all that.

  25. bob

    well – I’m in my jammies now, if it makes you feel any better. Of course, it’s 11:24 PM here and I am about to carry my pajama’d butt to bed, but so what? jammie wearers unite!

  26. Sheila

    I wonder which is worse: the tantrum that follows orders to change a milk-sopped shirt, or the one that develops after being told that no change of shirt is forthcoming because there are only a few DROPS of milk on the cuff? I would love to get a side-by-side comparison of the aftermath. I bet my kid would win.

  27. Jenni

    Beware if you come to my house. I have been a Stay at Home Daughter (while my dad was sick) and Mom for so long now, that I’ll answer the door in anything. I’ve found that most people that come to the door don’t really look at you anyway.

  28. Chrissie

    I thought I was the only one who did the stop-drop-and roll after schlepping around in my jams all day! It’s nice to know I’m not alone in that…Do you get that burst of adrenaline, too? The one that harks you back to when you were little and your mom was pulling into the driveway and you hadn’t even started your chores yet? Whew, freaks me out, even now!

  29. Jan in Norman OK

    Is anybody else out there old enough to remember when the swooshing vacuum tubes were used inside? Like in department stores or other businesses to move paperwork from one place to another?

  30. Burgh Baby's Mom

    I’m not old enough to remember that, Jan, but the big department store downtown still has the tubes. They used them to drop cash deposits all over the store and have the money end up in a “money room.” The practice came to the end when someone figured out how to intercept the swooshing and made off with a ton of money. The tubes are still there though.

  31. kidzmama

    They have those tubes at one of the local stores here too. I’m not sure if they still use them but they sure look cool.

  32. becky

    hell, if my body parts are covered, i’ll open the door anyway. pajamas or not. that’s loungewear, darlin’!

  33. Lisa

    I love your blog! And I had to stop myself from running for the debit card and ordering that lamp after I clicked on the link!!

  34. D

    Drive-thru banks in parts of CA is right – my Sis’s area seems to have them [walking in fog is cold, I guess].

    Jan – our local Costco had those tubes for a while – my son loved watching them.

    As for covering up – I remember the story an acquaintance once told me – he was doing door to door selling of something. At door number one, hairy guy clad in a Speedo. Door number two, woman clad in a short baby-doll [sheer] PJ. Door number three, woman clutching washcloths to her naughty bits. At door number four a fully dress toddler opened the door, but Mom was screaming “Unless it’s your father or your Aunt, don’t let them in, I’m nursing” as she streaked across the hallway with two kids attached to her bare chest. He decided not to press his luck after that … :-)

  35. Her Bad Mother

    99%? I’m at probably 99 and three-quarters percent, myself.

  36. Emily R.

    My question is always about makeup. I run after I drop the 3 year old at school. Then I come home and shower. So, I get dressed. But, I stopped wearing makeup years ago because no one saw me enough. Then I stopped with the contact lenses.

    The only time anyone sees me is at school drop off, and I’m sure not getting gussied up for that right before I go running!

  37. Taylor

    I’m on the South Shore of MA and it has been ladybug central here for weeks. Just yesterday I found 17 (!!) crawling around one window seal.

  38. Ladybug Crossing

    And now you know why my house is called Ladybug Crossing…

  39. pam

    COOL light fixture, that you didn’t (ahem) order probably…

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